...he left me for his own reasons, taking unilateral decisions, hurting me in the bargain (!), almost leaving me to die..after such an intense relationship. And now he wants to talk to me, and asks if I still do love him. Could he be fooling me...seeking the comfort of my 'taken for granted' emotions? What could he want now? I feel like crying....it tears my heart apart, I do love him still but don't wanna weaken after stabilising myself with such great difficulty....I don't wanna get caught in the vortex of emotions again...so that he can leave me yet again to go on his 'escapades' again..........Oh Lord, it does singe my soul. What do I do ??? How do I hold myself and my resolve still and refrain from weakening...I wanna stop weeping..........Can u please advise me as to how?
2006-09-23 00:26:29 · 12 answers · asked by Sonia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Dear Sonia,
Breaking up of any emotional bonding, love affair, marrige etc is a process not a single event, and one person usually wishes more strongly than his or her partner to end. It is not surprising then that a couple will not necessarily be at the same point emotionally when the decision is made.
Communicating the decision to end your relationship is at its best painful and at its worst devastating, it is not uncommon to expect a rush of complicated emotions the likes of which you are going through. Certain factors can either diminish or increase the painful impact of the message.
The more direct and clear a message is the better.
Shock, distress and in many cases denial make understanding what you are saying difficult, so repeating intentions and plans has to be part of this.
Give an explanation, in so far as is possible, for the break up; this is kinder than just announcing an end.
Honour your friends need to understand; this is only kind and fair, and to understand your reasoning is important even if that reasoning is not shared.
Anxiety about the others reaction is usually the most powerful stumbling block to communicating the decision. People are also stopped from communicating their decision by the fear of how they themselves will feel: that they will become depressed, or that the fear of the unknown will overtake them, or that deep uncertainty about the rightness of the decision will engulf them. These are both normal and expectable states of fear and anxiety.
Unstable emotions will become the theme of your daily life. In most cases this intense phase passes, as the decision stays clear and firm. If the decision waivers, changing only to be made and told again, the intensely painful phase returns each time the decision is again communicated.
So please stop crying and go ahead and tell your friend, sorry u cant be trusted any more, and please get hold of yourself its not the end of life. You will get much better friends who will love you and aslo respect your sensibilities.
2006-09-23 01:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by Rahul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking doesn't hurt. Over the phone might be best. If you do speak with him in person, meet in a public place, not your home nor his. Letting go is never easy, but necessary at times for our own mental health and so we don't get used or continually hurt. Could you still love a person who hurts you? Yes. Can you walk away from the damaging relationship and start all over after time heals some of your wounds? OH YEAH. Time, and prayers, heal, but first you have to have closure. Good luck.
2006-09-23 07:36:54 · answer #2 · answered by BIZ Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's using you. I've been there and recognize your dilemma. It's a struggle when you're a soft-hearted person. You need to do some things for yourself: new hairdo, manicure, outfit, whatever it takes to restore and/or raise your self-esteem which has been badly battered. You just need to keep reinforcing your resolve to move on from this. It's like building a muscle: it takes a lot of reps to make it real strong. I've been at this for years, and I get better and better at picking out the users, before they get to my heart.
2006-09-23 07:37:10 · answer #3 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish there were a right answer. Reading you story I thought did I write this? It is all the same except I am still waiting for him to come back. Only you know what is bearable. Can you forgive and forget, truly. If you can't the pain from your broken heart will be your constant campaign. Please don't waste your life. You deserve to have a happy life. But only you can make yourself happy.
2006-09-23 07:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by dettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you don't want to get back together with him, so just say "no." Don't see him. You don't owe him a thing. If you have things you still want to say to him, write them down in a letter. You don't even have to send it!
Just keep taking care of yourself. Sit quietly and breathe and feel what you really want to do and do it. Good luck!
2006-09-23 07:34:37 · answer #5 · answered by Yogini108 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you ever been told there are CONDITIONS ?
If he betrayed you, you may always assign him a condition...! Ask him to do things for
you, beyond the usual course! Put up a time-machine for him, exchanging to you, whatever you like !!! If he agrees upon it, after completing it, you may accept him back!
(next time he'd think about letting you down!)
"the bottom of desease is anxiety to please!" (LRH)
Ciao...........John-John.
2006-09-23 07:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by John-John 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sonia
Start your new life,forget him fully.He should n't have left you stranded for any reason.dont believe such persons.
2006-09-23 07:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by Kiran kumar M G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is simple,you have no need to be baffled.JUST SAY NONONONO!!You say yourself that you have managed to stabilize yourself.....stabilize yourself some more.Be strong,focus on the bright future you have without this tormenter,and you will be fine,trust me:-)
2006-09-23 07:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine. If he really cared, he never would of left.
2006-09-23 07:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
go 2 ur parents & live with them not wid d stupid guy.4get abt him and control ur tears,don't 'cause of a person who ACTUALLY ,just loved u 'cause ,maybe of ur money,or maybe 'cause of ur emotions.dump him.
2006-09-23 08:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by vasudha b 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋