My soon to be (10 days) ex-wife is coming to take the kids (9,11 & 13) for the day to visit. She said it would be nice if I came along. The kids want me to come with them also. I seem to be the only one who is struggling being with HER. She already has a live-in boyfriend, Yet we are not divorced. The QUESTION is, how do I let go of this emotion of hurt and just go with the flow? I know if I dont go, it wont change my relationship with her and if i go maybe she may see the changes in me and look at what she left behind. me and six children. We were married for 24 years. I still have feelings for her even though she commited adultry. I guess I hope she will become aware of the hurt it has caused and want to make things right. I just dont know what to do. I want to go but part of me says you are not a part of her life, so let it go. HELP!
2006-09-22 22:56:37 · 13 answers · asked by james.ampmerch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She told me if I go it would help in the long run. She said who knows what could happen in the furture.
I (me) want us to be together again one day, in a new and changed way but I am scared to invest in something that is such a mess. I guess i would have to trust her even though she has broken the the vows. It seems to me she want me (or us) to start over as if we never met, and for me to see her as a new person in my life that I might want to go out with, But im not completely sure if this is the right way to handle this. I dont know if it is a game to ease guilt or what.
2006-09-22 23:10:00 · update #1
Let her go.
2006-09-22 23:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not go if I were in your shoes. Your emotions are too raw at the moment and she might take advantage of you. You clearly know what you want but on the other hand you do not know what she is up to. I would distance myself until the "dust" settles and get yourself in a better position to handle her, when your emotions are not at the surface. At this point in time you need to protect yourself and your children. She has already made her decision and you do not want to be a "rebound" man for the man she is currently is with. Believe me she will have the guilt of what she left behind. The best thing you could do to make sure you put on a "happy face" when you are around her. If you seem you are getting on with your life just fine without her she will treat you better in the long run, knowing that she can not walk all over you. Also who knows if it will workout a second time?? Would you be able to let go of the cheating issue. Take time for yourself. Good luck
2006-09-23 07:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love your children...and you know that it is important for them to have both parents.
She is the one at fault...so it shouldn't be you having such a tough time. Loving her is one part, loving your children is another.
If you can go there without trying to impress her, and instead just being there with the kids then you should go.
However, if you can't get yourself to get past the fact that she has moved on...at least for that day, not trying to get her back..,.then i doubt you should go.It is still too soon for you in this case, and you need time to get to a place where you would be able to be neutral to her and also be involved with the kids when the both of you are around...and if this is the case, then your wife needs to and should respect your decision.
I think no matter what, you are well aware on how much you can deal with it...just be realistic with your decision.
Even if you decide to go, you can always be civil with her...try not to focus on anything but your kids, just be casual.
After 24 years, she is not going to coming running back to you for good just after one day...
No matter what...think of your kids, and being there for them...nothing else should matter. She has made her decision, now you should make your own.
2006-09-23 06:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP! You have a right to be with your children. Don't think about her, think about them. THEY want you to go. At this point, especially with the recent divorce and new live-in, you need to think about your kids. I'm sure that they aren't really all that comfortable with their mother, especially with all the changes. You need to go to support your children.
As to wanting her to know how much she has hurt you...why give her that kind of satisfaction. She knows that she has done you wrong. She also knows that in the end, she will be the one that has to answer for it. Do you honestly believe that her behavior will not affect the relationship she has with her kids? Do you think that your kids don't know that she has hurt you? Kids can be pretty fickle creatures when they choose to be and will most likely throw her affair in her face at some point. Who will be suffering then? Not you. You have your kids respect. Also, it is perfectly normal to have feelings for her. You have six children together and will always feel for her, but in time, that feeling will ebb and life will go on. Keep the faith and enjoy your kids before they grow up.
2006-09-23 06:07:06 · answer #4 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what your going through, try and treat her like an old freind no get back together or i miss you stuff ,Stay focused on the kids they will stick with ya forever and she will respect you more Don't show the hurt , women in general take that as a weakess and will take advantage of it without you even thinking about it untill it's to late, then the hurt starts all over again
2006-09-23 06:06:29 · answer #5 · answered by Ron J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is always hard. From personal experience, if you still have feelings for her then don't go, it will only be harder on you in the end.
Plus you don't want to give the kids false hope of the two of you getting back together. Explain to her how you feel, and let her know you just need some time.
Maybe next year all of you guys can go hang out.
2006-09-23 06:05:28 · answer #6 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you just go and have a good time with your kids ,make her be the one to prove to you that she has changed you need not be any different than you were if you did nothing to cause the break up between you both
2006-09-23 06:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let her go but your kids are still part of your life i know its a hard thing but i wish you luck
2006-09-23 05:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by martin r 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...there's a lil switch in your brain, flip it off,...that will control your emotions toward you ex,...now, go and have fun with your children,...they'll luv you for all the attention they're getting, and you will feel good about yourself too!
2006-09-23 06:08:27 · answer #9 · answered by tiny dancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be a part of HER life anymore but you are still a part of your CHILDREN'S lives.
2006-09-23 06:00:02 · answer #10 · answered by garfield 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋