I've been with my bf for like 19 months, been living with him for about 14 months so how long should i wait for him to ask me to marry him, we've talked about it and all, he just keeps saying he doesn't have the money (he has a full time job), i'm getting sick of waiting, he says to me a rings shouldn't matter i should wanna be with him anyway, i do but then i see it as an excuse for him just not to ask me, what do i do??
2006-09-22 21:47:44 · 11 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
moving in wasn't the issue, i chose to, i pay for everything as i also work, i'm not religious so i don't wanna hear about god thinks it's bad or any crap like that, that's only narrow minded people's opinion
2006-09-22 22:08:19 · update #1
I can officially say I know exactly how you feel. I am now married and have been for three years now. However, I have been with my husband for 11 years! It took my husband 8 long years to decide he wanted to marry me.
He loved me then and he loves me now but he had some serious issues with what he though marriage was. To him, it meant that he had to give up his life, that he wouldn’t have any freedom to be his own person. It was hard for me to understand all this and it really hurt me that he was more worried about the stigma that comes with being married than he was showing his love for me. I am 25 years old now and I have two wonderful kids with him. Looking back I can see that he was worried about both; me and his ego but I do now understand that some men really must have a strong ego to be stable persons. Confusing I know, but look at it this way. Think of something that you feel really defines who you are; one thing that really makes you who you are. Now think about what it would be like to have that one thing keeping you from the person that you love. It’s not easy for you or him.
I personally feel that every person should live together before you marry because it will show you a whole new level of compatibility. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is ask yourself whether or not you are willing to wait. You said that you guys are talking, and that is good. The fact that he has said that regardless of the material things you should want to be with him speaks volumes! That really shows some depth to his character. My husband and I don't have wedding rings and we were married at the Justice of the Peace. He may be avoiding this for reasons you maybe surprised by. There are always those scary things too... but I am sure you have thought those things over, and over, and over again so there's no point it bringing them up :)
Love is not always easy but it is worth the wait; 11 years and two kids later I can say that with conviction.
2006-09-22 22:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by lifelivenow@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl give it some time! He might be avoiding the subject because hes not ready, which you should be thankful hes being truthful. You cant rush into marriage if the other is not ready. Im sure he loves you and thats what really matters, the day will come when you least expect it and that will be a very happy day for the both of you!!! If you love him hes right rings arent all that important but its a nice sense of security. just dont stress the fact so much and it will work out!!! Good luck!!!
2006-09-23 05:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by jane b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a fool, why are you paying for everything. This guy is having an easy ride, find yourself someone worthy of your attention and kindness. Whatever you do please don't ask him to marry you - do you really want to give him the message that you are desperate ? It was a big mistake moving in with him, after all if he thinks you are good enough to live with then why aren't you good enough to marry ? Keep your self respect as I'm sure that just around the corner there's a gorgeous guy just waiting to snap you up. Good luck and never be a doormat again.xxx
2006-09-23 05:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage involves a lot of responsibilities.....maybe he is jus backin out cos he is afraid of dem. U shud have an open talk with him abt all dis....if u love him...and if u r sure he loves u...( i am sure he does if u been together for 19 yrs "WOW" ). Have some patience. And if u rnt happy abt de relationship u can always opt-out ( i strongly feel u shud be together).
2006-09-23 05:00:24 · answer #4 · answered by Squall 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it a little more time 19 mos isn't all that long.if you love him he's worth waiting for. but remember not to lower your standers.besides you never know what he's cooking up. feel me(smile)
p.s. hope this is not a issue because of a friend getting married.!!
just kidding,on the real good luck.
2006-09-23 05:04:17 · answer #5 · answered by baby girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your a freaking joke. 19 months and your saying you are running out of patience. Grow up and quit thinking about yourself. What is another 12 months when you already plan to be with him the rest of your life. Unreal.
2006-09-23 04:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by pokerkid80 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you shouldnt marry someone who YOU pressured in the first place to marry you.
He should WANT to marry you and want to do all that is possible to make it happen.
like the person above said ...you messed up by moving in ..in the 1st place.
Instead of him fighting for you ..you are the one fighting for him..
YOU ARE THE PRIZE SISTA>>YOU ARE
and you are just giving it away...
if you are really sick of waiting then dont anymore.
Is that how you really want this?..for him to marry you cause you jumped into living with him..and now he is gonna be like.."man I just wanted the milk for free..now she wants me to buy it..Oh no.."
Iam not sayin that he doesnt care for you but..he is not excited about marriage..seems like your the only one
take care..you teach people how to treat you..
best of luck
P.S.
not trying to make you feel bad..sorry
hope you really know what you're in for if you really wanna get married already...it is hard no matter how much you're in love
2006-09-23 05:02:56 · answer #7 · answered by sHiNe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DON'T WAIT TOO LONG. YOU'VE ALREADY MESSED UP BY MOVING IN. ASK HIM WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF HE DOESN'T HAVE THE MONEY. HE HAS THE MONEY FOR YOU TO LIVE WITH HIM NOW. MOVE OUT AND MOVE ON.
2006-09-23 04:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by Princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask God for direction.
2006-09-23 04:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by quarterton2001 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wait for another 15 months with the patience.
2006-09-23 04:51:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋