My boyfriend of over a year told me tonight that the reason he doesn't want to talk to me about the next step in our relationship is because of his past relationship. He was with somebody for 4 years and they were talking about marriage and stuff. Then she just ditched him one day. When I told him that really upset me because he was holding something someone else had done against me, he got mad. He said I didn't understand and I was only looking at it from my side. I used to be married...he seems to forget that or think it's no big deal and his situation is worse. He said he's over her, but not the situation. How can I explain to him how unfair this is and why I'm upset? He's not getting it at all. He's kinda immature too, so it's difficult to talk about tough things with him. What can I do? I am looking at it from both sides but I would think if he's with me he shouldn't hold that against me.
2006-09-22 19:51:34 · 7 answers · asked by Squeegy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have no problem waiting for him. But if the reason is that he's holding something against me that I didn't do, that's where I have a problem.
2006-09-22 20:17:53 · update #1
If he's too immature to talk about problems he is probably too immature to talk about having a solid future relationship. If you are willing to wait for years while he tries to get over the past relationship more power to you, but you must also remember that you have to make decisions that will affect you for the rest of your life. Sit back and think about if you can REALISTICALLY see yourself with him in ten years and then make a decision based on that.
2006-09-22 19:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by bohemianartista 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to be patient. I'm in a similar situation. I've been with a wonderful woman for almost a year and before I met her I got out of a 5 year relationship with another woman. We were engaged for 2 years than she left me. Both of us had our problems, and my current girlfriend knows this.
Basically it's not that he's being immature or feels that his situation is more important. Maybe he just wants to make sure that your gonna stay with him before he goes any further in your relationship. After being in a long relationship and getting ditched, not matter how over it you may be, the hurt is still there and he might just want to make sure your here to stay.
So if you love him, just be patient and show him that your not gonna pull the same stunt that she did. Eventually he will come around, and believe me, you might not have to wait as long as you may think.
2006-09-23 03:23:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you in such a hurry? Theres nothing wrong with him not wanting to go to the next step. Give the poor guy a break. He's not holding anything against you, and you really don't understand. All of us deal with things differently. What works for one person might not work for the next. Let him be, do you really want to ruin the relationship by forcing him into something he doens't want to do? And you say he's immature. Grow up!
2006-09-23 03:00:50 · answer #3 · answered by penelope 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure what kind of guy he is but I would say try to understand him, sometimes ppl have bad experiences (that u might think it's similar to ur experiences but it's not) and it takes time to get over. By going easy on him and understanding him and giving him space, u buy his trust... and don't think that he's holding his bad experience against against you. He's just asking for your help to understand him. He will change if you don't put him under pressure. Once again, as i said at the beginning I dont know what kind of guy he is. This is assuming he's not a player or just making excuses, which is for you to judge. I hope this has helped you a bit.
2006-09-23 04:43:03 · answer #4 · answered by AnswerZ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not being unfair. If you really love him, you would try to understand him, and not just think about your situation.
2006-09-23 02:57:10 · answer #5 · answered by diplomat_safe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your eye on the horizon for Mr. Right, because this sounds like Mr. If I gotta.
2006-09-23 02:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by Too Curious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get over it, Life goes on
2006-09-23 02:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by SweetDedie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋