Any poets or creative writers out there?

Question

I wrote a short poem a few years ago. I was trying to describe the winter scene I saw out my window. But I was also trying to say something about loss and new beginnings.
After you read it, please tell me....
a. Is it any good at all?
b. Where do I go with it now (I kinda got stuck at the end)
Here is the poem I wrote on a snowy winter day.

In the distance, snow covered trees mourn the loss of their leaves.
In stark contrast to the pale blanket which surrounds them they stand, silently yearning for the time when they may begin again.

I'm not sure where to go from here, and although I know what I am trying to say, the last part of the last line is kind of vague.

Answer 1

For one thing, the lines in your poem are way too long. Shorten them to make it easier for your poor readers! As in...

In the distance, snow covered trees
Mourn the loss of their leaves
In stark contrast to the pale blanket
Which surrounds them, they stand
Silently yearning for the time
When they may begin again

Overall, it's only okay. It is very wordy, whereas poems should be simpler, subtler. Keep working.

As far as where you should go next, why not take these trees through the four seasons, describing how spring helps them start over new, how summer wears them down, how fall prepares them for winter. I can't tell you what to write about, though.

I liked your word choice and the poem itself flowed well.

Happy writing!

Answer 2

Here's my poem about the poems on the bus, called......
Poem for the bus

Sitting on the bus, reading the so called poetry
I wander how these authorities think..
Oh!, some kids have feelings that need to be seen by me?
What am I now, some empathy sink,

some blank slate that needs filling with emotion?
How condescending is that?
They must imagine that i don't have one notion
in my head...pompous brat(s)!!

Their image of perhaps 'Aloneness' is just a mask (of words)
that I see past, to the kids themselves.
Their creaseless faces, creased while at the task
of 'poetry', like goddamned Santa's Elves!

What do ya think?? It rhymes and everything! Yours has a good start! Never mind what that fool above me said, practice, practice practice!

Answer 3

This is NOT a forum for this sort of thing. However, I have to tell you that poetry is about imagery. There is no imagery in anything that you wrote as you have SPELLED it all out. This is merely a couple of sentences telling us about snow covered trees, etc., which is all well and good, but IT'S NOT POETRY! Poetry is VERY difficult to write (good poetry). Most people cannot do it effectively. In addition you need to learn a lot about meter. I don't think you have a natural flair for this sort of thing. You need a lot of work in many areas to improve upon this and to write effective poetry. And by the way, to the poster who called me a fool and imtimated I have no idea what I am talking about, they write equally AWFUL poetry and I doubt they make their living as an editor. They probably sling burgers or are still in school. Take my word for it, you need a lot of work. So do they! In fact, THEY need more than YOU!

Answer 4

I write a lot of poetry. I like what you have. Each poem is part of the writer, and may not appeal to everyone. Let it flow from the heart, not the head.

Go to this site and look around for some inspiration.

Thestarlitecafe.com

I am "wordsmith", .