My husband is violent and abusive. I have left a few times but always went back because i have no where to go and no money. My husband's Mother actually gave me the money to leave this time, and i just got an apartment in a far away town. My mother in law told me that my husband is Bi-Polar and supposed to be on medication. I was never aware of this. He says he is going to check himself into a hospital for an evaluation and get medication for his bi-polar disease. He says he will do anything not to lose me. I will of course, verify that he has gone to the doctor and make sure he is on medication for at least 3 weeks before returning to him. His mother actually thinks that he is trying. She has also sworn to me that if he ever becomes violent again she will finance my escape (I do not work). Should I take the chance and go home...knowing that if it happens again I will have a way to leave. Or should I just stop all communication with everyone and get on with my life?
2006-09-22 15:34:47 · 22 answers · asked by Pepsi_Frog 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No come and see me. Then you can find out what pleasure a real man can give you.
2006-09-22 15:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Do you consider this to be a problem of character or a medical issue? If there are children involved, you shouldn't cut ties too quickly. The children still have the right to know their father, not to mention their kind grandmother.
You don't have to make a decision now. You can encourage him to get welll, while you forge your own life. If he really does want you back, and he is becoming wel, he will understand that you need to take care of yourself. You can restart after he has proven his recovery. There is no hurry. It is not as if he should only get well if you return first.
Don't depend on mother in law to fund your next escape. Try to quietly put away your own escape fund, and don't mention it to ANYONE. Use a financial institution you don't normally bank at, and make sure statements don't come to your house.
If you believe this is your husband's character, and mother is just making excuses for him, and there is no children, then run. Thank mother for your escape, and wish him well, but you should run. Let his therapy benefit (maybe) his next wife.
2006-09-22 15:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by burpolicious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to think about what if he decides to not take the medication for the bi-polar? Also from the life experiences I have seen in my life once a man hits a woman he will do it again and again there is no amount of help he can get that will change who he is, Now if he truly wants the change it is possible but how certain can you be that he really wants the change? I think you should try to move forward in life with out him! Just so you know this is coming from a man.....
2006-09-22 15:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by The gr8t alien 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one. Enter with caution. He has an honest medical condition that may result in violence, but he cannot continue to use that as an excuse for his behavior! If you honestly love him then take things slow. Do what you can to help him.
The road to recovery for such things is a long one. He will need a friend now more than ever if he is serious about seeking/getting help. It is very important that he follows through with any treatment. During treatment there may be times where he feels that giving up is a lot easier than fixing the problem. He may slip.
If it were me in your situation I would probably be on my own for awhile until he has proven he will follow through with the treatment. Let him know that you will still be his wife, and will be there for him, but that he needs to prove to you that he can be the husband that you need him to be. If for whatever reason he fails to do this then you need to be prepared for contnuing your life without him. You will also need to let him know that if he does not continue withtreatments that it will signify the end of the reltionship.
2006-09-22 15:45:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As sad as it is to hear, move on. The reality is that you may only go back one more time and not live to leave again. Accept the help that your mother in law has given you, thank her, and don't feel obligated to go back because she helped you. Try contacting some outreach programs in the area that you have moved to, or visit a temporary employment agency about working. Good Luck & God Bless You! Enjoy your life it is a precious gift!
2006-09-22 16:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by princess2grasshopper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're out honey, stay that way. He will never change. Even if he goes on meds, he'll start feeling he's okay---go off them and the lunacy starts again. Life with an abuser is a vicious cycle believe me. I'm a psych nurse and a past victim. You've taken the 1st most important step. Get on government assistance, get counseling, take some classes, get a job and get on with your life
2006-09-22 15:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by Diane B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were in your situation i would get on my life. No woman deserves to be with someone who is violent and abusive. If it was me i would of left the first time and wouldn't of returned. I'm sure you can find another man that won't be violent or abusive to you. There is however a few good men left out there. Good luck!
2006-09-22 15:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by BadAssGirlINWV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go back until he can prove over a long period (like 6 months) that he has changed and is seeing someone for the bi-polar. He doesn't change because he knows deep down you won't leave long term. Even if you do plan on returning in a few months, don't tell him that. Let him think it's absolutely over forever. Then he may genuinely change to get you back.
2006-09-22 15:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how many women have never heard of the "honeymoon" phase in the circle of violence. That's what he is doing now. He will tell you that he'll get help, he loves you, please don't leave me, I'll change, I'll get help.....I see your lips moving but all I hear is BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...is what you need to say to all of his BS!
Ya know...I also have bipolar disorder (it's not a disease, it's mental, it's a disorder), and I've been off my meds before. I never once abused ANY of my loved ones when I was off of them and I have a very short fuse. So what was his "excuse" again that his mother gave you for why he BEAT you???? Cuz he's suppose to be taking meds???? Sorry hon but it's a load of bull. Tell mom-in-law thanks but no thanks! Don't want to go back to your abusive, scum-sucking son!!!! I deserve better!!!! Did you understand all of that? Let it sink into your brain, read it over and over, until it is burned into your eyeballs!! PLEASE!! He will continue to BEAT you!! Meds or not. And he'll ALWAYS HAVE AN EXCUSE!! If his mama needs to be making excuses for him, wow, you really need to get on with your life and let his mama take care of him!!
Do NOT go back after 3 wks, 1 month, 1 year, NEVER!! She told you that IF he becomes violent AGAIN she'll finance your ESCAPE???? Do you see the words that are in big letters? Is it becoming clear what you wrote? Why would you even contemplate going back to someone who BEAT you?? There will be one of those times when he doesn't just BEAT you, he'll KILL you!! Let me repeat that - he'll KILL you!! Don't think I'm BSing. I am telling you all of this for your own good. I don't know you, but I've met a lot of women like you. I used to work in a courthouse and did the domestic violence cases. The story is always the same. "He beat me, I need protection, I'm scared for my life....." and then they don't show up two weeks later for the hearing to take it further. They go back every time. One woman had her whole face black and blue. One young gal was crying as I'm taking her paperwork telling me the same story as you. She didn't know what to do, where to go, had no money....I told her what I've told you.
You have already started a new life. Why do you want to go backwards? A friend of mine told me once when I thought of getting back with an x, that why would I want to return to my vomit like a dog does? I know, graphic, but oh so true. Do you want to move forward or return to him (he's the vomit)? How about going to school and getting a degree in something so you can get a job that pays decently. Please, Please, Please, know that I am serious. Please stay gone and live your life free from walking on eggshells and never knowing what will p*ss him off the next time and you get hit for it. I worry for you. Please let me know that you are okay by e-mailing me.
2006-09-22 16:23:51 · answer #9 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This lady was in the news paper here in my town a few months back because she gave her husband another chance and he beat her brains out with a frying pan.
You would be better off to never speak to any of these people again.You wont be able to escape if your brains are laying across the floor.Sorry to put it to you so graphically,but your body can only take so much abuse.
2006-09-22 15:45:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the problem with abusive people is that past behavior usually predicts future behavior. 3 weeks isn't a long time to see if he is being "good". you don't want to end up in a situation where next time he gets violent you end up dead. it is possible to remain in contact with him as he is receiving treatment, like going on dates in public places and not putting yourself in a possibly dangerous situation. if he makes the effort to get treatment then that is a step in the right direction, but he has to continue it. you are more important here, protect yourself and if he shows anger towards you needs or wants then cut him loose. he should be willing to do whatever it takes if he really wants to keep you in his life.
2006-09-22 15:44:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋