We went from a family with 3 small children to one including a teenager. The adjustment has been rather tough not only for the younger siblings but for my husband and myself as well. We don't want to "throw in the towel" but we are searching for some better ideas to help all 6 of us.
2006-09-22 15:16:25 · 12 answers · asked by PENGUIN 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
don't throw in the towel...i understand that you have your children. but she(teenager) has it rougher than anyone..her parents are divorced..she gets shipped from mom to dad..with other siblings. believe it or not she feels uncomfortable. try to take int rests in what she likes. once in a while take just her out for girls day out. so she knows she is loved and not a burden. i am in the same situation (i am also very young) which is a bonus for me with my 2 teen step-daughters. you need to get into her world...make her feel important. the sooner she feels ok the sooner all will run smooth in your home. teenagers can be rough but she still is just a kid...put yourself in her shoes. if its possible take 1 day a week for family interaction where you can all be together..go to the park. because of the large gap in ages in our home its sometimes hard to please everyone but give and take. she may just need someone to talk to...you have to get her to trust you...then she will talk to you ...then you can be in her world! it is not easy and it takes time. but like i said imagine how she feels. if worse comes to worse try counseling. but give it time and try try try...good luck!
2006-09-22 15:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by bossy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make her feel important, and not like an outsider. She may still have some resentment, due to her situation, but you must remember that she was her father's first child. She is not to be treated like a guest in her own father's house. Don't tiptoe around her, but give it to her straight. Tell her, that she is an important member of this family, and as a family member, she has certain responsibilities. She is expected to be obedient as a child in your home. Also, mention that you do realize that she is getting older, and would like to be with her friends that share her same interests, but that you three must talk about her plans, and work with her, so that some of her goals can be attained. Tell her that she will have to realize that sometimes the answer will have to be no, but if you all don't talk about things, then she will just build resentment over issues that could have been resolved if only talked out first.
Good luck. Teenagers are hard. I have two of my own.
Please don't make her the babysitter! That will backfire, with unwanted results.
2006-09-22 15:28:32 · answer #2 · answered by classyjazzcreations 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since she is a teenager, she is, i am sure, opinionated. i would take her opinion in to account and make sure she knows her opinion matters. you will have to tell her and make it clear that she is a role model and needs to act as such. if she watches the children for you (if she is trustworthy and mature enough) reward her, not as much monitarily but with praises about how wonderful of a help she is and how you don't know what you'd do without her. don't take your husbands side OR hers.
be responsible: never choose sides, be the mediator or you will turn them both away. when your husband is mad at her for being irresponsible make sure you bring up points of where she did do the right thing. if your "daughter" is upset and confides in you, keep it to yourself. if it's not a life or death situation, your husband doesn't need to know. let each one know you are their safe haven and can at least talk to you. i assume that she is now with you either due to her mother's death or some other reason that she is probably unhappy with in some way. make sure you are the fairy god mother and not the evil step mother. be firm but not demanding and be her unconditional best friend. this will be a life long relationship, take good care of it.
good luck!
2006-09-22 15:26:04 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple - Be a mom instead of a critic. Try relating with some mall shopping. Your so busy looking at what's wrong that you can't see whats right. Give her a chance to grow and fit in. It would help if you tried to do some girls only things with her. How about both of you going out and getting your nails done or troll the mall for a while looking for something to buy or whatever....
2006-09-22 15:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Expect her to be angry because she is not with her whole family.
Expect her to be angry because you are not her mother.
Expect her to be angry because she needs her mother to get through those rocky teen years.
Accept her for who she is, but don't let her break too many rules.
Your husband will have to take the lead on discipline because she is not your child.
If you and your husband are not on the same page, you will be toast.
Be kind.
When you see her getting angry and it makes sense for her to be nangry, tell her so. Tell her "I would be angry too." Don't let her get away with being destructive, but let her be angry. Don't ask her not to be angry or else she will be even angrier. She can raise the temperature in the house faster and higher than you can bring it down. The best thing is to not let her boil the whole house.
2006-09-22 15:21:07 · answer #5 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be her friend first because it will be hard to be her mother for a long time. Let her know you can talk. Be there for her. But as you know those are hard years anyway and to be to motherly to fast will only makes things worse. Been the teenager:-)
2006-09-22 15:20:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
at the start that daughter grew to become into there long formerly you! She is jealous yet that isn't a incorrect feeling that she has. She is after all purely 13 and on the time you pass jointly she grew to become into purely 7 it incredibly is regularly occurring for her to sense like she is dropping him. I got here from a relatives that have been divorced and my step mom did split me and my father up whether it wasn't purely me I had 2 older sisters too who have been dealt with the comparable way. You knew she grew to become into there for a very long term and in case you probably did no longer want to be her mom too than you're able to on no account have have been given married to her father. She desires her dad purely up on your daughter does! i think of you actual need to take a seat down and think of who's the grownup here and coach the doorstep-daughter that she is welcome on your place together with her sister! a minimum of try your superb to permit her be responsive to which you care approximately her too! If interior the tip she nonetheless is having a tricky time with it think of approximately going to a relatives counslor inclusive of your comprehensive relatives. She is purely stressful that she is dropping her father and that's regularly occurring!! after all there is yet another little female interior the photograph it incredibly is getting her dads interest and he or she isn't! Little women choose their fathers. i do no longer choose you to think of that i'm being harsh however the info are that I actual have a very propose step mom who did take my father away we would have particular outings formerly she got here visiting and it grew to become into positive till they married and those stopped suitable away reason she did no longer think of we necessary them.Of coarse there are so lots extra motives and that i'm grown now so I see issues extra for sure and while i grew to become into little i did no longer word as much as I do now! I actual have diverse difficulty approximately step-mum and dad who do no longer want to take the responsiblity it takes to boost somebody elses youngster!
2016-10-01 06:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by kuhlmann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess it depends on wether or not she wants to be there, why she ended up living there in the first place, where her mother is, does she know the other children, do you get along with her, what type of a relationship do you have with her, etc.
2006-09-22 15:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by Reese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thinking back I still believe that my heart felt advice to my own 'step mom' would have been best for all concerned in the long-run but I should have told her to go shoot herself as she didn't get the symbolism of the actual wording.
2006-09-22 15:23:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL I'M A TEEN AND I JUST MOVED IN WITH MY DAD AND STEP MOM. she got to know and understand me more so when your step-daughter thinks she can trust u she'll open up to OK good luck holla homie
2006-09-22 15:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋