If you never intend to leave your family, how bad is it? I have tried everything to make sex better, EVERYTHING.... but i dont want to leave..
2006-09-22 13:55:44 · 41 answers · asked by bailey lynn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As someone that has CHEATED, let me just say that as long as you are involved with someone other than your spouse your marriage will never work out. You are not giving your marriage your 100% effort, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are. If you really want to solve your situation, get out of your adulterous relationship go back to your spouse and if things don't get better get a divorce and start another relationship. Let me just say that my marriage was saved by following this advise. Good luck!
2006-09-22 15:51:58 · answer #1 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it IS wrong to have an affair. Now, some people have what they call "open marriages" where one or both of the partners are allowed to have flings but it's not behind their spouse's back and it's understood that they won't stay with a fling if it impacts negatively on the marriagge.
But marriage was meant to be a commitment, through better and worse, in good times and in bad. What have you done to make the sex better for your spouse? You say you tried to make sex better but maybe it just seemed like it would be better that way for you.
Get couples counseling and if you're still unhappy then do the honest thing and get a divorce. If you truly "never intend to leave your family" then find some other way to deal with the issues but don't, under any circumstances, have an affair or pay for hookers. Turn to handjobs if you must but don't jeopardize your marriage.
2006-09-22 14:01:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having an affair is VERY BAD. I honestly don't know how your relationship is right now, but from what I gathered, it seems like only YOU have tried everything. In order to solve a problem in a relationship, both parties must work on it together. Does he/she know how unhappy you are? Did you think what the affair might do toyour family if the cat was out of the bag? It seems like you've already got some guilt on your hands because you're questioning your actions, so I would suggest seeing a marriage counselor. If it doesn't get better from there, then I'm pretty sure a professional would be able to guide you from there.
2006-09-22 14:05:22 · answer #3 · answered by Natalia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I first married sex was O.K., but left a lot to be desired for me. There were a few months in the beginning when he felt like a failure as a husband, because he couldn't please me. I have a very high sex drive, and he doesn't. I am also hard to please. There were times when I became so frustrated I even cried, and we would both fall asleep miserable.
NOT ONCE did I contemplate cheeating on him to fulfill my sexual needs. I chose to marry this man, not for sex, but because I love him for all he is, and all he does. I came to a point where I accepted the fact that our sex life might always be just mediocre.
I am glad to say that we really don't have those problems too much anymore. I paid attention to the things he likes, and he has done the same for me. We still have the occasional disagreement and frustrations due to the difference in our drives. I want it everyday, while he is good to go if he gets it a couple of times a week. However, he does do the best that he can to provide for my sexual needs.
Communication is key. We work through our problems together. Those in and out of the bedroom. Just because the sex may not always be earth shattering, or mind-blowing, doesn't mean that I love him any less. If anything it makes me love him that much more, because of the fact that he loves me enough to do what it takes to make me happy. Even if he isn't successful in his attempts, it doesn't matter. All that matters to me is that he tried.
2006-09-22 15:00:03 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AFFAIR! the word all together is wrong. If you have tried EVERYTHING to make it better and you have been trying and it does not work. The only other resolution is to get a divorce or even to try separation. I mean just staying there in the home and obviously not being happy is not healthy, for one, on yourself, on your relationship, and definitely your children or family. It may seem fine now. But later on and waiting it will be very unhealthy. Honestly no one ever wants to resort to divorce or leaving their family or husband, but at this point, now that you have tried and everything and it has not worked, it may be the best thing for you......and I am going to say your family too. Please don't resort to an affair that will just make it worse on you and your family.
2006-09-22 14:22:34 · answer #5 · answered by ♫~Princess~♫ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wrong to have an affair, regardless of how bad the sex is in your life. If you are in love with your spouse and don't want to leave, try some type of marriage counseling. Perhaps your counselor has referrals for you that can improve your sex life.
Before you decide to have any relationship with anyone other than your spouse, end the marriage first. It's the right thing to do.
2006-09-22 14:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by Judy S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should do right now is talk to your husband/wife and say "Listen. I've tried and tried to make our sex life better, and nothing I have done has worked. I am actually very seriously considering going elsewhere for satisfaction here. Our relationship will end, one way or another, if we don't do something about this." Yes, it's an ultimatum - but it seems you're at the ultimatum point of your relationship. You're taking a risk but, hell, what are you actually risking? There are probably some things preventing your partner from being passionate, which will need to be worked out.
2006-09-22 14:09:40 · answer #7 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem of just having sex and then you just falling in love. The only way of just having sex (and not worrying about the person falling love with you or you with them) is with a hooker. If you think sex is bad now in your marriage, what do you think will happen if your spouse finds out that you are having sex outside the marriage? Really....have you sat down and talked with your spouse about why he/she is not that interested anymore? Sometimes it is just the fact that if there is alot going on and he/she is tired....sleep might seem more attractive than sex. When was the last time you were really romantic and did something unexpected to show him/her you appreciate and love him/her? If you have kids...how about getting a sitter (if they are young) and take your spouse out and have a great time...like the good old days? I don't think men/women realize how their spouse starts feeling taken for granted & like you just said....having sex outside the marriage???? Ask yourself if it would really be so bad if your spouse were to seek sex outside your marriage because he/she is unsatisfied.....there's your answer.
2006-09-22 14:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yup, if you guys have been in family counseling, and seen a sex therapist, best thing is to get out of the marriage if your alternative is to cheat. You deserve an honest, open up front relationship, and your husband deserves a loving wife. Marriage is made up of Respect, Admiration Passion and Trust. If those are not part of your marriage, then you are living with a roommate. And, if it is a roommate all that you want, then stay. But cheating will really grind on you.......
2006-09-22 14:02:13 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having sex outside of the marriage is really bad and should not be done. Either work on improving your sex life or if your improvement efforts still doesn't make you feel as though your needs are being met then you are going to have to make a tough decision.
2006-09-22 15:49:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋