My husband and I have been married for a few years. He cheated on me three months after we got married and begged me to give him a second chance. So I did, we have been working on the trust factor for the past three years-there have been some white lies here and there but a month ago I caught him chatting on-line with a female (which he denied) and found out that they were calling/text messaging for 3-5 months...he said nothing happened....but I have a hard time believing him.
2006-09-22 13:40:56 · 25 answers · asked by Fantasia123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like you have worked on this marriage long enough.
2006-09-22 13:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by goodbye 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce.
When I answer marriage questions on this site, I try to advise people to seek counseling so they can save their marriage.
One thing that I believe you cannot save is cheating. First, he cheated on you and to make matters worse, it was while you two were still newlyweds! He is unappreciative of you and if he loved you as his wife he would be showing you fidelity NOT infidelity.
Also, you gave him the second chance, and you come to find out that here is chatting with a female online and not only that but texting & calling eachother.
If you can't trust him (which you have no reason to, he cheated and is a liar, even if they're white lies) then you shouldn't be with him.
A marriage like this cannot be saved, he doesn't care about your feelings apparently, and you deserve better. Let him go because if you keep trying to save the marriage he is only going to take advantage of the fact that you love him so much and continue to do what he is doing thinking you'll never leave.
Divorce.
2006-09-22 13:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, the fact that he is seeking interaction with another female, shows that there is something lacking between you. If he cheated 3 months after you got married, how do you know he didn't before? I think my life is too short, and I am focused on enjoying my life to the fullest. I was married for 2 years to a man with a similar situation. Eventually I realized that I was not going to be treated as a second rate woman. So I moved on, although my family loved him. About a year later I met a man who I am now currently engaged with. And treats me like a queen. Good luck.
2006-09-22 13:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by itsme! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all the marriage was over when you caught him the first time. the best way to get him back is drop the distrust routine. Next, you need to fight fire with fire. However, you find a friend too. Don't disrespect your husband by making it obvious that you have a little friend. Take it from a single man, if he is paying the bills and providing a good life style...KEEP HIM. A single man will take care of all the things he is not doing with no pressure to you. you just don't get caught up.
2006-09-22 13:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by Mike B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame u for feeling that way. Besides, u already gave him a chance and now he's on his way to blowing that one too. The way I see it, he's not even helping u regain that trust back and in order for the marriage to work, he has to be willing to put in his share of the workload but unfortunately, it doesn't look like he's willing to. So, what's the point in giving him a second chance?
2006-09-22 13:56:58 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it he cheated on you only three months into your marriage...it was doomed to begin with. If he hasn't gained your trust after three years and he continues to nurse these inappropriate relationships with other women (just because he hasn't actually committed the physical act yet again, it's only a matter of time until the opportunity presents itself), it's time to move on with your life.
I've made a career out of waiting for my ex to change (to my shame). I'm trying to move on as I type this now. It hurts, but it does get easier.
2006-09-22 13:51:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jody B. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of it now...
My dad has done the same thing to my mom when I was growing up. They are still married,going on 30 years,but she can never trust him,and worries constantly. It messed up MY life as a child because my mother was so worried about my dad running around on her we never went anywhere or did anything,and usually we were up following him around after he got off work,just because she thought he was cheating all the time!!! Its not worth it.
2006-09-22 15:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by Holly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he lied to you then he is lieing to you now. I've been married for 11 year's and i'm in the same boat your in. but you are wasting your time trying to same a marrage that will never change.My husband is doing the same thing to me now, So i filed for a divorce and i steped away from the problem. You have better thing's to do in your life, Let him go and have his fun. He made a promise to you when you both got married, and he brock his promise to you and (GOD). GOOD LUCK
2006-09-22 13:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by loubell 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like old habits are hard to die in your husband's case. Denial is the first sign of guilt. If you want to continue with your marriage seek counseling find out why your husband does these things if he refuses to go then it is time to separate.
2006-09-22 13:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by asia s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I'd have a hard time too. Trust is now completely gone isn't it? If that's the case you need to leave him. Better still, make him leave. Hopefully, you will eventually meet someone better. You can never trust this man again.
2006-09-22 13:46:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In order to work on a marriage, both of you want to have the same end result...a happy marriage. Unless he is willing to respect your wishes, tell you the truth, and work on the marriage, it will never work. It will be a one way relationship.
If they are calling and texting, he is not being true to you. I would suggest divorce.
2006-09-22 13:45:08 · answer #11 · answered by Judy S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋