She had a complete hysterectomy years ago, uterine and breast cancers (fully recovered) and has no desire. Doc says no hormones (cancer could come back). She's a good sport about having sex once in a while, but I really love her and want HER to enjoy it and want it too. Any suggestions?
2006-09-22 13:11:59 · 13 answers · asked by Mark Y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From what I have read about this its a tough one. Now you have to really work on her emotional needs first. You know the thing us guys are no good at....romance LOL
You will have to try and be romantic in a non sexual way....yup out of the bed room. Little things that show her you really care about her do the dishes, help her with cleaning, ect. Touch her just because...not because you want sex. There are also some natural herbs and stuff that may help her with her drive....check them out and talk to your doc before she takes anything. Hope this helps you out a little Good luck
2006-09-22 13:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by oldman 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to become a better lover, sweetie. Having a hysterectomy doesn't end an orgasm for a women. Women are slow cookers, and you guys are poppers -- nature made you that way. Think of how vulnerable a male is with an erection 40,000 years ago!!!! He'd better be able to ejaculate quickly if he expected to sire any children, and stay alive! Now you guys are stuck with your evolutionary heritage. Read a book: "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach, cheap in paperback on Amazon.com. Could be at your house by Wednesday. Do all the exercises the book describes.....sex isn't just intercourse....... Barbach is THE sex therapist in the nation today. Nothing like her stuff since Masters and Johnson in the '60's. (Other books by her as well.) There are also books in the back as part of the bibliography. This is THE book used by sex therapists today. Good luck, sweetie.
2006-09-22 14:12:48 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need to start with heartfelt honest communication
maybe some pillow talk. Light some candles and make your room into a little sensual haven for the two of you, where you can be alone and relax. You need to communicate and get to the heart of how she feels with all she has gone thru.
You know, she has to be into it to want it back.
Both of you coulud read, "Lonnie Barbach, For YOurself" and Life after Menapause
A woman should have at least one hour a day to just masterbate and get totally into her body. . . try smoking cannabis. . .it
has a very euphoric sexual effect, and a glass of wine, or
and ounce or two of liquor. We call it "do it fluid"
Rediscover your sexuality with tantric sex, go to seminars on alternative sexual styles.Tell her how beautiful she is.and how much you love and adore her everyday in every way Be gentle and romantic, Do something new.Play with her clitoris, slowly and sensually with oils without pressuring her for sex. Try a water toy like a water pick by teledyne to rediscover orgasm.Buy some toys and let her try them when she is alone. Let her pick it out.
She has gone thru alot. . . you must be very sensitive to what she is going thru as a woman, especially with cancer treatments, and hysterectomy. I am sure this has effected her
in more ways than physical. . . mentally too.
Don't force her; be seductive and try something new. Check out
erotic massage. Sex is more than intercourse. xo have fun
Consult for help if you feel blocked and
Ask doctor about herbal therapies
2006-09-22 13:26:47 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey. I feel for you. Due to a traumatic experience I had a major sex issue for some time. At wal Mart I found a cream, they sell it by the condoms. It's called Finally. It's relatively cheap and it's 100% safe. I still use it.
I had a very sensitive partner who would spend hours trying to find that one thing... Eventually he did and I am so grateful for hs patience.
Alot of it could be her not getting aroused mentally. Our brains are our biggest sex organ.
2006-09-22 13:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by BIYATCH! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hormone Therapy
2006-09-22 13:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by jassy 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Keithy has the right idea!! What he said!! Also, dbl up on the romance and general sweetness!! Women really love that stuff!! It is the little things that matter so much to us!! You sound really sweet! I bet she knows you love her!!! Good luck....
2006-09-22 14:15:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was married to a woman who was the same. 1st buy a vibrator, then place it on her clit while she is laying on her stomach and give her a long back rub. also buy some ky heating oil and then also try some long slow kisses and massasages. it will come back. also look into prozak for the depression
2006-09-22 13:20:32 · answer #7 · answered by keithy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give her a nice massage start with the feet then on up the body she will love it. Then see what happens when she is all relaxed.
Works for me!
2006-09-22 13:17:01 · answer #8 · answered by old man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel. Then the both of you should go to a doctor and get their advice.
2006-09-22 13:21:36 · answer #9 · answered by asia s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some toys,Good toys,and trust me,she will love them!!! Of course you use them on her,and she will want you after she is warmed up.
2006-09-22 15:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋