Is this an emotional affair? (only serious answers please)?

Question

I have been in this current relationship for 2.5 years.
One year ago I found out about a pattern of email contact between my gf and a coworker of hers that caused me hurt. She was emailing him everyday, up to 4x per day. The emails contained sexualized humor & content. I found out that this had gone on for several months. I confronted my gf about this and she agreed not to email this guy anymore, or encourage his behavior.

It's been nearly a year, but I can't stand this other guy she works with. I have told my gf that extended work-days with this guy or overnight work related stuff (conferences) make me very uncomfortable. I have asked her not to work late or go on overnights with this guy.

Her response has been one of anger and hurt. She feels I have over exagerated what happened between her and this guy. I am at the point now where I will end it if she does work late or go for overnights where this guy is also in attendance.

Am I over-reacting?

I also work in the same office that my gf and this guy do. I chose to transfer out of the team where we all worked about a year ago to another division & office with the same company.

Answer 1

To some extent you may be over-reacting. However, I know that there have been many instances where people have gotten divorced over an emotional affair online. However, just because she was emailing him several times a day, does not mean that she was actually having an affair. Did she admit to having one? Sometimes when you work with a person, you just become comfortable with a particular person, and you joke around with them. Being comfortable on the job with someone sometimes means that conversation becomes comfortable in many areas including sexuality. It isn't a good thing, but it happens, and it doesn't mean that you are having any kind of affair with that person, emotional or otherwise. It's a way to release tension in the office to crack jokes that you know will get laughs, etc.

I do, however, feel that you have a right to request no overtime with that person or overnights. If she loves you, she will want you to feel comfortable in your relationship, and not insecure. I would stand your ground, and let her know that you need her to solidify your promise to you not to be with that man outside of an office situation where there are other people present or in a public place, with no overnighters. You are well within your rights.

Answer 2

This is a classic classroom example of jealousy and overacting. Has she really given you just cause for thinking this way besides they work together and emails? If not, then you better learn to deal with it or youre going to tear yourself apart. In todays society, its almost impossible for any workplace not to contain both sexes working together. So chances are no matter who youre with youre going to have to deal with this type of situation no matter what. This is exactly where the relationship trust comes into play unless you have concrete evidence that something more is happening. Talk to her about how you feel but dont put unreasonable demands on her. Think about it!

Answer 3

Coming from a woman. Your girlfriend is f u c k i n g over you. She is having an affair with her coworker. I know you don't want to here this but look close, the signs are there. Hell you named 3 of them. 1. Emailing sexual humor and content. 2. Working late 3. Working overnight Then she becomes angry when you bring all this up. Trust me leave her alone and let her be with this guy. Though she told you that she will not email him anymore, hell she don't have to if she can conversate with him everyday at work. She is having her cake and eating it to. She is making a fool of you. I'm sorry.

Answer 4

Speaking from experience, yes...that is an emotional affair.

I ruined a perfectly good marriage with one and the messed up part is, I never even met the guy.

You are not being unreasonable at all and I would suggest couples counseling for the two of you.

If she is seeking acceptance and flirtation elsewhere, then she is lacking something from you that she has not been able to verbalize or that you are not able to give.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

No you not over reacting and feel that you should break up with her because you do not trust her. If trust is broken in a relationship it will not survive. I think she did have some kind feelings for her co-working because of the emails. She angry at you this not good my friend.

Answer 6

i know ur pain. if u asked me for me i think something alridi happen between them, and she might say to u ok i will not email or so but still she is working with him, still they seeing each other at work, i will rili feel uncomportable and even feel untrusting too..its up to u what u want to do, asked ur self if she worth keeping for and if not just go on and u will find trully someone for u...coz im telling u, if nothing change and still she has dis access of seeing him, it will never make u feel comportable its always be uncomportable so y bare of all pain now if in the end u still gonna feel the pain, y not just end it now and stop the pain...

Answer 7

you may be overreacting a bit, but understandable. the previous emailing back and forth does indicate an emotional connection. the fact that they work together makes it very difficult. you will have to decide to trust her or not. otherwise, your thoughts about something that may or may not be going on will interfere with your quality of life. you can't control anyone else's behavior. in essence, the bottom line is trust, either you will trust or you won't. good luck.

Answer 8

I have had an emotional affair before and no I don't think you are over reacting. The main reason I think it went on was because I liked the attention. So, Maybe think about that part? Good luck...I don't blame you one bit! If it isn't a big deal why does she get angry about it? You think she would just think it is funny...that you think she is having an emotional affair...

Answer 9

first of all has she given u reason to think that she might be going something wrong. if not then u have to decide whether or not to trust her. next if this clearly upsets her then she should stop. if not then find someone at work, and do the same thing then maybe she will se how u feel

Answer 10

No, you are not. I went through the same thing (check my other post) and I ending up asking him about the situation. He gave his explanation and I told him how I felt about it and that I don't have a problem with you having friends (you knew others before me) and/or being chummy with co-workers, but sexual comments in conversations? No, that's past platonic. He respected me and my feelings and has stopped. If he hadn't, we wouldn't be together today.