How do I help someone overcome an eating disorder? what advice would you give?

Question

This person is actually quite beautful she is minutely over weight if anything, i would never consider her fat... She has blonde hair and blue eyes. It makes me wish I liked her more than just a friend... Help?

"i know that i should be glad that i have inner beauty and w/e, but a BIG part of me wants to have outter beauty too. i don't feel beautiful or anything and i never have, so that's all i want. I'm not proud to say this, but b/c of that i have an eating disorder. it's a bit of a mix of not eating an trowing up. i don't eat much, and what i do i usually throw up. i know that's not good, but in the last month and a half or so i've lost about 10 lbs. maybe more. but it's not like a big problem, it's only been going on for about 2 maybe 3 months. I guess i just so badly want to get approval from ppl for more than my personality that i'm willing to go to extremes. all i see when i look in the mirror is fat, but now that's changing. i'll do anything to change it. "

Answer 1

You are a good friend. Having successfully recovered, I offer you this from my own experience. Be brave, be bold, and be blunt. Use her own words to confront the distortions in her thinking. If she were my friend, here's where I'd start:

you would do anything to change it?????? really, you would do anything, anything at all? then sit yourself down & do a little homework!
#1. Once you achieve that beautiful body, you will find that your hair is falling out, your teeth are rotting, and your esophogaus may never be the same from all the abuse you are hurling at it. There sure ain't nothing pretty about that! So if you will really, truly do anything, go do a google search, and see "medical consequence of long term bulimia";

#2. "You want people to like you so badly, that you're willing to go to extremes to get approval." Really? well, people like people who are content in their own body, in their own person. They are turned off by people who perseverate on superficial things like appearance, like money. A perfect body does not make a perfect person. In fact, those with eating disorders as their means to perfection tend to be moody & irritable, and difficult to get along with over time. They are single minded, and become boring. They change from the once talented, interesting, personable friend we once knew. Your essence leaves with the weight, and we are left with a package that is less substantial in weight, but also in content.

As your electrolytes shift, and your body chemistry goes out of whack...you will become an airhead, ditzy -- your memory will begin to have holes, and you will become confused. You might think you look good, but you can't know that......you can't judge it, because you will be dizzy, and nasty, and rude, and obnoxious to be around.

So, if you are really willing and wanting to get approval -- you must first approve of yourself! You are bright, creative, imaginative - filled with potential. Don't kill what your friends admire in you! Approve of you, as is, no matter what. SO, if you'll do anything, go to therapy. work on yourself, and go see a therapist...join an eating disorder group that is focused on RECOVERY. Do not join a group where the members have been lingering there forever. Find one where people actually do achieve their goals and do become well.

#3. If all you see in the mirror is fat, then get rid of the mirror. If you were blind, what would you worry about? If you couldn't see the body you loathe, then what would you hate? It's not the body, it's the process in your head that is turning your value into superficial nonsense.
If you'll do anything to change that.....do it. Get rid of the scale, get rid of the mirror, get rid of anything you use as a method for purging (i.e. laxatives, water pills, etc.) and get your perfectly fine fanny into therapy now!

and finally, this: If you will do anything at all, then for your own sake, learn to like yourself and appreciate you and see yourself the way I do. Please, if you won't do it for you, then do it for me. Let's sit down & find you some really decent help with this.

good luck!

Answer 2

Well done for trying to address the problem, I know how difficult it is. I had very similar eating patterns to you in the past. Now, I try and plan out every meal a few days in advance and really stick to it. It doesn't take long to do at all. This way you can control how many calories you have, not too much and not too little. Counselling will also be a good idea as there may be a more underlying problem that needs to be addressed. Good luck. xx

Answer 3

At the bottom, or at least the causal behind those who eat and then throw up is an interesting phenomenon.

The key lies in the process of throwing up. When one takes food in, it is subject to what one misperceives oneself to be... which is "bad". Well, the food is nourishing, right? Does a person who is "bad" deserve nourishment? No, right? This is the problem. How one deals with this problem is not easy.

The belief of being "bad" is held within ones MIND, and it is fully non-conscious to one at a cognitive level of awareness. So, how does one get to this problem?

Effective psychotherapy is the easiest way... but the requirement of "effective" eliminates all but maybe 1 or 2 % of those mental health workers currently in practise.

As an alternative, one might try the following. Take paper and pencil, and alone, quite and with serious intent, close your eyes and try to go back in time to any events in your childhood which were painful. There should be plenty. When one comes to the surface, write it down. Then read this looking for any emotion that is "hidden" in your writing. If you focus on this emotion, it won't take long before you want to cry, so do so... and as deeply as you can.

Repeat this process, each evening, until you get down to early childhood memories. At this point, you will have confidence that going into your grief is safe, and always provides you both some peace and enlightenment afterwords.

The memory you need to find will be presented to you by your MIND, and when you grieve for this memory, your eating problem will be gone.
Peace

Answer 4

I have an eating disorder myself

Well, help her lose weight... tell her to do it a healthy way like exercising everyday and eating 1200 calories a day.
If she is overweight, she can lose weight but not in an unhealthy way.
Tell her that starving herself will only make it easier for her to gain the weight back after she loses the weight she wants

Answer 5

it sounds like she has the usual issues that most people who live in the west have. all she needs to do is be practical. Tell her not to get frenetic about it because that will put her in a negative place... she just needs to eat healthy and do a little bit of exercise...just be plain with her and she will learn to trust your opinion. For example if I ever want to know if I've put on weight, I ask my brother, he will tell me straight and so I can trust him... other than that, perhaps speak to a qualified counsellor...some of this stuff can trigger deep issues later on.

Answer 6

i think you should kick it more with her. probably join a gym or start eating healthy together instead of her starving or throwing up. i think it's better to take a while to loose wight and be healthy and happy than loose wight doing the wrong stuff. that will only make you hate yorself and even more unhappy and depressed. hope this helps.

Answer 7

I would have her go to counseling or talk to a doctor that can help her out. You want to put out this fire while you can. Don't let it become a problem.

Answer 8

ask others how you look and respect their opinion