why does love shrink?

Question

I mean, there are couples who stay together for years, they have similar interests, common thoughts and addictoin to one another, and then they get married and POOF, they start to hate each other and this could lead to divorce. Why does that happen?

Answer 1

because in the begining they think that they'll stay in love forever. but then responsiblity starts.. kids get dirty and when the father stares at someone.. his wife goes crazy

Answer 2

It's not a jinx, it's the people.
They think that once they get married, since they tied the knot, they have someone there forever and start letting themselves go.
I know some women and men think that just because they're married then can let themselves go and stop caring about how they look. I mean, a marriage isn't based on looks but part of the reason your spouse married you is because of a physical attraction as well. And, if you go from being a model type to a 300 pound couch potato,

I know that some people, during a marriage, lose their communication skills. They forget about how exciting and fun doing new things were and just believe that since they're married that there's nothing exciting left to do.

I know some people marry people for the wrong reasons and that's why they end up unhappy.

I know that some people try so hard to make their boyfriend or girlfirend happy and once they get married they think, "oh i got them in the bag" so they don't feel the need to make any effort.

What people need to realize is that just because you're married doesn't mean you should let yourself go, stop wanting to do fun things, stop trying to make your partner happy, and just all out change... because that is why some marriages ends up failing.

Answer 3

I think that all too often, we jump into a relationship with an agenda. Too busy looking for someone to fill the position of "spouse" rather than taking the opportunity to really get to know the person. Then, all that razzmatazz from the early days begins to wear thin, once one gets to know the person behind the job candidate. I think we find that we compromised too much of ourselves in the dating process also. trying to make ourselves appear as though you embody the things the partner wants. That separates us from who we truly are. I think we grieve that loss over time, especially when we look around us, and see people doing/being the people we long to be. then, in that harsh light, one wonders whether the ends justify the means. Bitterness grows, and we begin to resent the other person for the choices we make. we defend against feeling our feelings, and the result is pointing the blame on the other person. Most don't have the patience to work throught these fine details - and thus, it seems easier to part, than to truly work as a team to become the change we seek. Alas.
(ps -- at first i thought this was a ? about being in love with your shrink! lol)

Answer 4

Because many things including hate from all different directions poke at it, pry into it and try to take it away. Sometimes those forces succeed. But mostly, it's because they allow it to happen. It does not matter if they knowlingly let it happen or if they were naive about the required nuturing. There is a certain labor that is required and it should be contantly sharpened, cared for or else it will grow dull and weak and it can be snuffed out. Relighting a snuffed out love because you have to find the candle in the dark.

Answer 5

My parents are a common example. My mom hates my dad, and my dad is trying to stop the divorce by being overly nice. I mean, he was in Europe for about a week (no one missed him) and I asked if he could get me a sweatshirt that said Zidane on it. (You know, Zinedine Zidan, the French football player)
I was only nice to him because of the sweatshirt, and that's the only reason. I hate my father. He has left my mother with absolutly no money in her account. He canceled her credit cards. He makes her drive a 10 year old minivan with 19,000 miles on it. He FORCED her to go to work when I was only 2. It is actually sad in some cases, but love doesn't shrink. I think it's destroyed by other things.
~Good luck
Check out my page on MySpace! www.myspace.com/angeliquechristina

Answer 6

i'll answer ur question with one. why do women try to change men when they get married. what i mean is the man is perfect at first but then about a day after the wedding a woman points out every one of his faults and men do the same thing. just take the time to look back at why u fell for this person and think about how ur life would be without him/her and u will find the answer

Answer 7

Usually because they get the idea that just because their love is so strong in the beginning, that it will be enough to last them thru-out their lifetime together.
They feed each other a lot of love & attention in the beginning, but after marriage, they don't remember that's how they hooked one another... they don't understand that>>> how they hooked one another is how they keep one another.
They don't realize that it's like a fire in the fireplace, burning big & bright... till somebody forgets to add more logs to the fire, in order to keep it going strong.
So, it gets snuffed out, shrinks, withers, dies... & they blame each other for the lack of TLC, then comes hatred, then divorce.

Answer 8

I think people put on a show to a certain degree when they are dating, and when they get married, they lose the incentive to keep the show up, and relax and be theirselves, and that's when the other person notices the uglier parts to that person's personality.

That's why it's so important to be yourself when you are dating, so the other person has the fair chance to know what they are getting in a partner.

Answer 9

The female in this case fails to maintian the golden Bear and the tush gets old.

Answer 10

It doesnt always happen.I think that when it does the couple is together to much.You need some time apart ,it really helps a relationship.