how can you do this...?

Question

if you feel that you and your spouse have grown apart, what are some things that can be done to get closer to each other?

no cruel comments please

Answer 1

some one give
some one take
if some one give
the other don't take
the relationship suck
I am there as the giver, because I am always giving that is why my girl is taking me for granted. but I did took her to Disneyland for 5 day and we were happy for 2 months in a row. so a vacation is what you might want. Hawaii should be nice.

Answer 2

First you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him this is how you are feeling. Ways you can bring it back is to try and think back to when you first met and some of the things you did then that made you both happy. Try and get rid of some of the stress that has not snuck into your daily life. Have more alone time, having a nice dinner quite walks, some sexy excursions. If you have children get a weekend away without the kids. Try and find that something special that made you both fall in love in the first place. Good Luck my prayers are with you.

Answer 3

do you have kids if so. call a sitter . then you can go have a nice candle light dinner(doesnt matter if its at home or a quiet resturaunt, just set the mood). take a shower together. dim the lights in the bathroom, put candles around the room , and by the bath tub, and take a hot bubble bath together. have sex in the car,in the living room, in the moring,in the office on your lunch break.leave each other litte notes in each others breif cases or purses.put a rose on there pillow, if you work late or early. call them to say good night if your out of town. anounce that you love them in public,cuddle and wath tv at night, go skinny dipping(doesnt matter how old you are just the sense of adventure together is enough)go to the movies like old times.call in from work and go to another town and watch the sunset. get kicked out of a store, or mall for misgieif.

Answer 4

figure out what it took for the two of you to get together in the first place. Play up on that. Come up with something new and exciting that the other would never expect in a million years. Stay away from sexual gratification things because that only makes you cheap and the other will pick up on your desperation.

Answer 5

Try communicating again. Typically people grow apart when they are no longer relating to each other - you begin to feel almost like strangers. Try starting again. A good tool is to try seeing this person as if for the first time. Get to know him again. Find out what really makes him tick. The key is to start with yourself. Don't try to make him re-connect with you. You re-kindle things with him on your end first. I hope this makes sense.

Answer 6

I would talk to her and find out what was wrong and why are we grown apart?? what can I do to make it better? I would like ot know if I have done something wrong or you already bored???? want time alone to think then come see me we can talk or what?

Answer 7

discuss why this is and get counselling...taking a vacation and things like that can make things worse. usually growing apart goes much deeper then just not doing things together. there is a reason why this happens and you need to figure out what it is.

Answer 8

Try to find something that you both enjoy that you can do together. If you're an active couple, try hiking, volleyball, or something like that. Or perhaps you might enjoy photography or going to independent films. Having something in common will give you something to talk about and enjoy together.

Answer 9

Start talking to each other and start doing things together again. Spend at least one day a week out on a date together. If you have children get a reliable baby tender, somebody you feel comfortable with, like a family member(best) or a good friend (best too) or a co-worker you have a good relationship with (ssecond best) or an older teenage of a family member, friend, church family, or co-worker, (best in this group as you have opportunity to know the person, rather than just somebody who put an ad in the local paper. Now, interviewing a teenager from the local paper could work out if the teen has referances, and make sure you check the refereances. Then put in a nanny cam, just to be sure nobody is abusing you children while you are gone.

Remember back to when you first met your spouse and you will recall that you did stuff with your date and/or fiance that you normally do not enjoy doing. This is a time honored method of getting closer to a person, to be interested in what s/he is interested in. It is not dishonest if you tell him/her you do not normally do these types of activities but are willing to do them to do things together. Now, what is best is to find things you both enjoy and make time to do them together. If you have time to watch the news, spend time on the computer, or on the phone with friends or family, or do things with your own friends or aquantances, then you have time to do stuff with your spouse. Even holding hands while watching the news or a television show is very cool and a woman loves it. When you get on the computer, do so when your spouse is also in the home office on the computer. Go to the stores together for shopping, even if it just the weekly shopping. My fiance and I do this each week for our major shopping, then I pick up smaller items as needed during the week. Go for a drive, a walk, hold hands while doing so. The physical act of holding hands connects two humans together in intimency and goes a long way to reconnect and stay connected. Cuddle in bed together, either instead of sex, after sex or before sex. If you start touching your spouse without an expectation of a sexual encounter, you reduce the amount of stress the touching brings when your spouse always thinks you only touch in order to initiate sex. Physical touch with the knowlege it is only for sex is less than romantic and tends to have a spouse avoid the physical touch. Just because you have been married for a while is no excuse for only touching in order to initiate sex. Especially if you are a man due to the fact that men and women approach intimency and sexual intimency differently. Read up on Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. It really is an eye opener for each sex on how the other views the world and relationships as well as how they think and feel about things. Knowlege and education is a powerful tool if used wisely. If you are a man, your wife will be thrilled you care enough to go to the trouble of reading a book on how to understand her. Read the book together and discuss how it affects the both of you.

Last but not least, communication is key to bringing any relationship back to vitality and health. An open dialog and communication does not need to be onerous. It can be light and frivilous, fun in fact. Tease your spouse, wrestle around and play a sweet practical joke. Ask about your spouses work and give it real attention, remarking on this or that and encouring him/her to continue. Give proper attention to how the day went and be concerned and solicitous of any angst or stress the day brought. Be willing and open to discussing the deeper problems of the relationship. If you think you heard one thing and it was something negitive or perceived as negitive ask right away if what you heard is what your spouse actually said. This is the quickest way to stop misunderstandings and hurt feelings in their tracts. Never go to bed angry or upset, always take the time to work out at least a part of the problem before going to sleep. Make sure your spouse knows you deeply wish to keep up the descussion at another time, the next day, or that weekend. Do work with your spouse you normally wouldn't do, or just surprise your spouse with a small gift or a word of appreciation or love in a spot it is bound to be found right away, like a sticky note on the car window or sterring wheel, or in the luck box, or on the mirror where it will be seen first thing in the morning. Notes here and there, with your spouse never knowing where the next one may be is sweet, touching, and very loving. It shows effort and forthought on your part. If you have a bad day and are surly, make sure your spouse knows quickly you are sorry for taking it out on him/her. We tend to take out our frustrations and stresses on the ones we feel the safest with, and these are our loved ones, who are the very ones we should treat the most gently and with the most respect and love.

It is so wonderful to read a post about this subject. So many are willing to allow the marriage to drift apart and then just shrug and say, "we grew apart and fell out of love". This is a cop out and is weak as far as I am concerned. A committment to a long term relationship is not somethig that just grows apart nor does one simply "fall out of love". These are both two events which are not only avoidable, but which take active participation to allow to come about. When you fail to act, you are in fact acting. It is a choice. We can just as easily choose the opposite and the rewards are vast.

Thank you for this question and providing me this opportunity to respond to it.

Answer 10

Do what you guys both enjoy or relive your first date or something like that! Maybe you shoud talk to him about this too see how he feels!