I am 34, married, and have been in love with my (also a women)best friend for many years. We have shared so much over the past 10 years, childbirth, raising kids, working through issues with our husbands, shes even my daughters teacher. We have a pretty typical "best friend" relationship in that respect. I knew I had feelings for her for a long time but about a year ago she leaned over me and her skin barely touched mine but I completely melted, my stomach felt like I was on an extreme roller coaster. I knew I had to say something. I shared everything with her and she very tenderly said she loved me very much (as a friend of )but there was no way we could be together. I have attempted several times over this year to let it go but I cant. I am tormented everytime i see her, which is all the time!! Our lives are sooooo inter- connected I am un able to apply the "no-contact" rule. . I feel the only way to move on is to end our friendship, but how ?
2006-09-22 11:10:47 · 19 answers · asked by jennylynett 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Im not sure if it is too cruel to end such anamazing firendship because of my own weakness & pain without considering the fact that it would, im sure be very hurtful to her.
2006-09-23 11:20:45 · update #1
When I can't get over someone, it's because deep down I feel there may still be a chance. Is this the problem you have? You need to realise she probably isn't attracted to women, and that can't be changed. Try and come to the realisation that it just isn't possible no matter what closeness you guys experience (you are best friends after all). If she wanted to act on feelings, she would have so that should tell you everything. Maybe you think you want to be with her because of the closeness you do have and you're mis interpreting what you're feeling in friendship. When you are fond of someone and love them very much as a friend, it does make you want to express those feelings. This is where maybe you've become confused. Don't end the friendship, try and accept you two can't be together. When you do that, you should be fine.
2006-09-22 11:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by alysseq_86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that over time and with the level of intimate sharing you describe..you have developed a co-dependant relationship which has become intense and difficult to live with or without. They can be often addictive and destructive relationships and can be inappropriate to the real needs of the person.Often these develop when a partner in a relationship is unable to meet emotional needs and thus we begin to look elsewhere for that need to be met..in your case your best friend. The difficulty in removing yourself from this relationship is that you will still be in the position of needing a similar relationship with someone else.You have invested 'emotionally' with her so ending it will seem like ending a marriage The healthy boundaries set by normal friendships have been broken for you so you are very vulnerable and emotionally needy. The answer seems to lie with your relationship with your husband and how to improve the levels of emotional intimacy and needs you both require. Otherwise you will begin to build co-dependant relationships all through your life without you knowing it. I suggest you read 'The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. It will help you through co-dependant issues and encourage you through this difficult period.
2006-09-23 01:20:18 · answer #2 · answered by david l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have feelings for her then you know it would be best if you and her remain friends.
I use to have a female friend that I liked (I'm a guy btw), she knew about it and confusion got between us. I left a gap to cool things down (couple of weeks?) then pretend that she was still a friend.
I made sure my emotions were supressed to that of a friend's level and never got the better of me. If I wanted the friendship to last I would had to stay strong, for her sake.
If she could see through your efforts, she will appreciate it and play along. Before you know it, the firendship remains intact and we lived on our lives.
Btw if you have problems saying to her, try:
Hi. How have you been? (One of the best conversation starters for this sort of situation; never failed to break the ice in any complication)
2006-09-22 11:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't let go, & you don't let your lust get in the way of a wonderful friendship either.
She is clearly woven deeply into your life & you are a better person to know her aren't you?
You are married, & having a lesbian affair would be cheating the same as if you found another man to lust over. So this isn't just about you & her, you have your husband & family to think about.
If you can't set your mind straight (pardon the unintended pun) on your own, then try seeing a councelor.
2006-09-22 11:21:17 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have firstly to be honest with her so that your new behaviour will not hurt or bewilder her. Then, you HAVE to survive this, and there's only one way. She haS BECOME LIKE A DRUG TO YOU WHICH IS STOPPING YOU HAVING A NORMAL LIFE NOW. You have to change your life, even if temporarily, so that you can start to avoid her. Every time you see her it is agony, therefore you have to stop seeing her. If u do this, you might ultimately stay friends. If not, you will fall out soon anyway I think, and you will lose a good friend. You have to wean yourself off what is doing yourself no good! It's hard, good luck, I've had 2 do it myself, it takes a while, but it's the only chance to have a normal life.
2006-09-22 11:22:22 · answer #5 · answered by yvonne c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! How lucky are you? A woman you love, says she loves you back in a totally plantonic way! How unfair?
I feel for you, but you have to let it go and not play on the weakness of her feelings for you! She loves you as no more than a friend, simple.
You can love her to, but only as a friend externally, as a lover deep within you. This is the stuff that only fantacies come from, find the real world dude!
2006-09-22 11:20:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone babe...i know it hurts but sometI'mes you need to let go... have you told your wife how you feel? it would crush her im sure...some things are just not to be. you need to let go baby i know it hurts... you need to enjoy what you have with your wife and kids...you need to let go.... act your age not your shoe size as you may loose everything you have...... I guess this lady has hold of your heart?you want and the reasons why?and you think that the grass is greener but it never is...Friendships *** and go your family doesn't...Try talking to your wife as you do your friend you may be surprised how you get on....i do think you need to talk to your friend and call it a day... you always want what you cant have...What do you want?
I have been here and i let go....it does hurt but you have to let go and enjoy what you have as you dint know what you have till its gone..its not worth it..if your friend is the friend you say she is she should understand....Good luck my Friend...it will come out in the wash xx xx
You need to decide
2006-09-22 11:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by natalie.waterson@btinternet.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just love these complicated ridiculously-long, meandering, single-sentence questions that no one can possibly answer! How the hell can we offer any kind of reasonably good response when we have no idea about the situation?
Thank god there is a character limit, or we have to read even more of this pathetic tale.
2006-09-22 11:12:01 · answer #8 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if you can kiss her. See, sometimes when we are so deeply connected with someone, we may feel that compatible spark, but in reality, it's nothing. You may need to test the waters with her, if she will allow, so that you can really find out how you feel. Otherwise, yes. The friendship will be doomed.
2006-09-22 11:14:04 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
show out to another woman in the vecinity blank her an see how things then happen women know when u r attracted so b cruel to b kind
2006-09-22 11:18:19 · answer #10 · answered by paul t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋