I have heard that sexual orientation has to do with more than just sex, but also emotional too. So does that mean I can get with guys, but have a girlfriend, someday a wife, have no sexual relationship with my wife but still get with guys, and be straight...?
If the answer seems obvious to you, then sorry for wasting your time, but I am only thirteen years old!
2006-09-22 10:40:42 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Watch Brokeback Mountain. He tried to be straight in a homophobic world. His wife was quite cross.
Anyway, if you don't have sex with girls, only with guys, you can't be straight. But these are just labels. However I suspect you would be happier trying to find a husband instead.
It's true that there is more to sexuality than sex, but sex is a big part of it. If you don't want to have sex with girls, but you do want to have sex with guys, then you are gay.
Don't worry though, you'll be fine. And you shouldn't have sex for another three years at least, whatever the gender you go for.
2006-09-24 04:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by helen g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not that simple-yes sexual orientation is beyond the actual act of sex and is a strong emotional connection, but the act of sex plays a part in it too as it does in any loving relationship of intimacy.
What you suggested would be equivalent to marrying a friend that is a girl and having a boyfriend on the side. That would be unfair to both of you, seeing how you are only 13 by time you are of consensual age to marry laws will have changed and you will be able to marry another man.
I suggest that you find a local group for gay teens that focus on what it is to be gay and how it is more than just ":getting" with someone of the same sex. If you feel you are "Gay" accept it and be honest with yourself and know that sex is not the main factor and that you do not have to rush into it, just as being straight is not about sex.
You are young and still developing always feel free to question what you feel or don't understand.
ps: be very cautious of the internet and do not fall prey to those who will take advantage of you...it is a great place for advice and opinions, but there are a lot of guys out there who will attempt to manipulate you, isolate you, make you feel special and at your age you can be very vulnerable, this is a difficult age in life to adjust to all the mental, physical changes and peer pressures. be strong and have your whits about you.
2006-09-22 11:12:37 · answer #2 · answered by Wheels 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you are only 13 and, dare I assume that you believe you may be gay? or possibly unsure of your sexual orientation? Provided you feel comfortable with whatever you THINK you are, then okay. As for taking a wife later in life, she would need to be a very understanding woman if she discovered one day that the MAN in her life turned out to be gay. At first she may suspect that you were having an affair if the subject of sex became questionable.
Oh, and to Rhonda, what is a 'concealer'? I think you meant counsellor, so learn to spell.
Have a look at the link below. You may find what you need here.
2006-09-23 01:12:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to have sex with men, and still have a close relationship with a woman, it gets rather complicated. I can understand the reasoning if you say you want to be a father and have children yourself one day. (though as u are only thirteen it might be a bit early to think of that already... but just for arguments sake).
Than maybe you should try to get a stedy boyfriend, and than be-friend a lesbian couple, that also want to have children, and then your child will have two daddies and two mums, that would be great no?
2006-09-23 00:22:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a question for a thirteen year old. WOW!
Don't worry about the answer though just wait and get more experience in life. Sounds like your going through that Am I? or Aren't I? Is it OK? Will other people hate me? Am I normal stage?
2006-09-24 05:30:44 · answer #5 · answered by Willi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps I am reading this all wrong..but it sounds like you are gay but want to hide behind the facade of a "straight" relationship. Not being nasty or anything but you're not being true in either sense. You are "using" guys for sexual gratification and "using" the girl to live a fictitious lifestyle..you can only truly love one person and i suggest you are most true to YOURSELF and end up totally 100% with someone you love..whether a girl or guy...best of luck either way.
2006-09-23 00:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Well at 13, its hard to tell what you'll end up doing and liking. At 13 you are a bundle of hormones, and your thoughts are all over the place! Don't worry, it is normal to feel that way.
Later on, you'll realize, somebody who "gets with" guys is usually gay, but sometimes bisexual. Straight guys don't have sex with guys, unless maybe it's a one-time experimental thing.
If a man is gay, and he marries anyway, many gay men can perform sexually with a woman (often by closing his eyes and thinking of men) but not often, not easily. But how fair is that to her? Don't marry someone that you don't love. And most psychologists will tell you that if you have sex with the same person often, you will form the kind of bond we call "love." So if you're doing it with the same man all the time, you'll fall in love with him, most likely.
Give it some time. You're too young to be having full blow sex at 13, and certainly too young to make up your mind on orientation if you feel confused about it!
2006-09-22 12:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by michael941260 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think whats most important here is for u to take your time and be honest with yourself and then those around you, also ultimately remember you are thirteen and theres a long road ahead of you so the last thing u wanna do is rush around, break hearts and burn bridges. like al those said before if you were to have sex with both men and women then you could be bi... even if u were to sleep casually with men therefor having no emotion it still is a fact that your having sex with them thus affecting what your orientation is...
2006-09-22 11:03:02 · answer #8 · answered by jones_linz 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's great to see such a thoughtful, intelligent question from someone your age. You might want to do some reading on polygamy. I don't think the relationship would work out though, as the wife would still have her needs that, as a gay guy, I doubt you'd be willing to fulfill.
2006-09-23 03:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're confused about things. Your sexuality will become more settled over the years.
It would not really be honest for you to have a wife or girlfriend and identify as gay. Perhaps you will turn out to be bisexual - sexuality is a fluid thing.
Your username suggests to me you are in Ireland - if that's so, perhaps you might like to contact Belong2 in a couple of years.
http://www.belongto.org/
2006-09-22 10:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by Trish D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋