I am a Christian woman and it has been over two months since I found out. Divorce it not an option so I need real answers kay?
I find myself falling into hate with him rather than love. I am just so angry and blow up at him every chance I get. He's ready to be intimate and always talks about it...which just makes me even more angry. I really think I don't like him, let alone love him. Our marraige has been in doom from day one....he just always needed other woman, email, phone calls...never physical, that I'm aware of. This has been a three year battle with trust. Any advice how to love again...trust again?
2006-09-22 10:18:12 · 20 answers · asked by mauihillside 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i can tell you i find myself in the same situation. married six years and having found out about his infidelity at the beginning of the new year. i have run the spectrum from love, devastation, hurt, anger, mistrust, indifference, and hate. i have heard all his pleas and excuses for what he has done and his promises to never do these things again but I'm still unable to let go of the betrayal. we have two children together and despite his inability to be a trustworthy husband he is a great father. what i have learned is that time heals nothing it is what you do with that time that really matters. so my advice is to pray like you have never prayed before, if you want your marriage you have to figure out what it is going to take for you to go on with this relationship, have a frank talk and make it clear to him what the deal breakers are. then you have to step back and see if he can rise to the occasion. lastly some times we hold on to the wrong people and end up missing the right ones that god has meant for us. if you cant get past this it might be a sign that this is not what god means for you. although you may have taken your vows with good intentions your partner has broken that vow, and your trust. ask yourself if what is left of your marriage worth the fight.
god bless and i hope things work out for you.
2006-09-22 11:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by frsttmshy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's a real answer:
It's not because you're Christian that you don't believe in divorce. You just choose not to believe in divorce, period. People always use Christ as a reason to everything, and frankly, it's getting old. I can be atheist, agnostic or whatever and still not advocate divorce. I believe that religion defines a part of a person, but one should not be blind to reality and use common sense at all times.
Ok, regarding your problem, it takes two to tango. No matter how hard you try, or call upon the powers of a higher being, if you're the only one who's trying to make things better, things are NEVER going to change. It seems like he doesn't love you, which is most evident in his actions. You can't and shouldn't trust a man who doesn't give a rat's *** about your feelings and continues to be unfaithful. If you are afraid of disappointing God and would rather tough it out, considering that your marriage was a mistake from day one, God isn't the one who's suffering, it's you. So, wake up. We have the freedom of choice, and we were meant to err as human beings.
2006-09-22 10:52:31 · answer #2 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant live you life being angry or being with someone you dont want to be with. obviously you care more than he did. and i understand that you think that divorce is not an option. but there are many Christians that have had a divorce. if you need talk to other Christians about it do it. there is no reason for a person to be hurt like you have been. you were strong enough to try and make it work so you need to be strong enough to leave. it maybe hard but its something that you might have to do. maybe start out with a separation. get him to move out or you move out. see how you feel with a little bit of distance between you two. but just to let you know it wont be the same you can forgive but you never will forget. get him to stop! that is your only option if you want to be happy. make him fully commit to you like you did to him. pray for him. its a real slow process.
2006-09-22 10:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by babyface_2400 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, sweetie, and you rang a real bell with me. I didn't want to divorce because of being a Christian, until it dawned on me I hadn't sinned. Divorce is an option when the basis for marriage (trust and love) have completely broken down. You can't trust him when his trust has not been earned. Bless you and find a good attorney. You can't be a good Christian and live in hate.
2006-09-22 10:22:33 · answer #4 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. I am a Christian too and in a similar situation. Sorry I can't really help you. I can just offer sympathy because I know how you are feeling. One thing I can tell you for sure is not to rush your anger or forgiveness. If you stifle it and say you forgive him before you are ready it will only get worse. A wound needs time and care to heal, if you ignore it it will only get infected. So pray, let yourself be angry, and maybe get some Christian counseling. God bless.
2006-09-22 10:24:15 · answer #5 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your situation sounds like mine. Hhhmph. I don't really know what to tell you because for some reason I hung in there. Maybe because of my son. What I did was to take the I don't care attitude. He seems to be trying harder now since I have taken that attitude. I haven't had anymore mysterious phone calls all times of the night on his cell, nor has he been hanging out all times of the night anymore. He too stated that it wasn't physical but my gosh, think if we were to do it. As far as how to love again, that is something you will have to work out yourself. I love my husband, but not in love with him anymore.
2006-09-22 10:25:28 · answer #6 · answered by WANDERER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your a Christian but you don't love this man and you can't force yourself to, you simply don't love him and nothing you can do can change that. You can't stay with a man you don't and never will love, it's unfair on you and it's unfair on him. The only option i see for you is an annulment, even if you disaprove of this, thats the only option i see, there are many support groups to help you through this.
Good luck
2006-09-22 10:22:56 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no real way to gain that trust back once it's been broken. You are always gonna have that constant reminder. Something similar happened to me and now my marriage has been over for almost a year now. I went through a lot of pain, I lost a lot of weight, but to be honest, it was the best thing that ever happened to me!
2006-09-22 10:22:35 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Amanda♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he always needs other women and cheats on you God will understand! Being angry all the time is worse than a divorce! Do you have children if so do you want them to grow up thinking it is okay to be treated that way!?
2006-09-22 10:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by Tammy R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband did the same thing to me when I was carring our first child. He just told me about it. Man I thought I was going to die. That was the worst pain I ever felt. Paying him back want help either. No you will never feel the same way you did. Even being a Christian myself, I still have so much hatred in my heart. I will leave when my kids are older.
2006-09-22 10:22:40 · answer #10 · answered by audria_baker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋