When you're sad and you have nothing to do, friends are always there for you,
They help you out when you feel low,
They stay even if they have to go,
They lend you a hand and pull you through,
yes friends are always there for you.
2006-09-22 09:37:49 · 16 answers · asked by nicola 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
its okay - sorry but its nothing special. u need to grab the reader's attention - the most important thing to u seems like it should rhyme - u need to give it more depth, more feeling. try again. put your heart and soul into every word. this is not a critism im trying to help - honest.
2006-09-22 09:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by shariwharton 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't flow, no rythm
I would sugest it should be more like
When you're sad and have nothing to do,
Good friends are always there for you,
They help you out when you feel low,
They even stay, when they have to go,
They lend a hand to pull you through,
Good friends are always there for you.
It is of course bollocks as whenever I need a hand there is no one around.
It could also read
When you're sad and have nothing to do,
Yahoo friends are always there for you,
They help you out when you feel low,
They even stay, when they have to go,
They lend a hand to pull you through,
Yahoo friends are always there for you.
2006-09-22 21:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by "Call me Dave" 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm afraid that is just awful. That's not even a poem. Have you thought about taking up macrame, or painting, or something else instead of poetry?
2006-09-24 01:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved it. I think that despite of its simplicity or maybe just because of that it's one of those poems that you read when you feel real down and it makes the day at least a tad bit brighter.
2006-09-23 03:56:55 · answer #4 · answered by Iseult 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No offense - But I have wrote much better poems than this -
But you can do better such as doing this to your poems: Making them funky so the people who read it can get attention to it,
2006-09-22 16:43:50 · answer #5 · answered by hello 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even worse than the first one.
2006-09-23 21:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the 1st one!!
2006-09-22 16:45:43 · answer #7 · answered by johnathen777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st one was much better. sorry but keep up the good work
2006-09-22 18:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by danni.k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry i'm gonna do a simon cowell on you - don't give up the day job. Next...
2006-09-22 16:46:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I prefered the 1st one.
2006-09-22 16:39:49 · answer #10 · answered by Carys 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋