Its called Free will
Capture heart in a photograph,
Capture promise in an evening tonic,
Capture trust in a hug,
Lost for ever is who we are to.... who we are becoming.
2006-09-22 08:54:55 · 24 answers · asked by Treat 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
For one thing, ignore all comments saying "It doesn't ryhme". To all those morons out there who think poetry has to ryhme, well, it doesn't. Some of the best and most effective poems out there don't.
Second, I like it a lot! You have plenty of potential, and I'd love to see you expand on this idea. In other words, why not write more?
Only part that stood out as needing work is "Lost for ever is who we are to...who we are becoming." As was said before, this does not flow well. Try breaking it into two seperate lines, for a very startling and effective ending.
But your poem in itself is very nice. Keep writing.
2006-09-22 09:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice and sharp, here's one:
My heart is held in a soft and silky shell by tendrils of spun emotion
They were placed there so many years ago
floating through the summer air like cattail seeds and
collecting as if drawn by my own will.
They hold it and bind it but let it take its timely breaths
2006-09-22 16:03:59 · answer #2 · answered by Ralph 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh my god. If you want opinions that matter, and if you want to know if your work is actually good, try entering it in a reputable poetry contest or sending it to a quality literary magazine. Their opinions are worth having because they can tell good poetry from horse****. If you don't really want to know what your poetry is, then listen to the people here.
2006-09-24 01:54:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest...i don't agree with its philosophy...that is because people are always changing...and as you say...they are always becoming....you can't just say...you know...three years ago i was only like that..of course..there are some things that remain and some go away due to certain experinces..but still..they never die...everything remains in our memories..because...there are two types of time...present...and the present of our memories...so what is lost...is mostly a superficial loss...not a real one
2006-09-22 16:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by pink_0rkid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it a lot. Short but effective. You should continue writing- seems as if u have a talent. By the way i like writing too!
2006-09-22 16:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by angivictoria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up your day job Poetry has got to come from the heart !
2006-09-22 17:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by browneyed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad. the last line is too long however, and doesn't flow like the other lines
2006-09-22 16:05:40 · answer #7 · answered by golfnut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its okay but the flow needs work. It hurt my eyes to read it. jk.
This line just does not work; "Lost for ever is who we are to.... who we are becoming." try rewording it.
2006-09-22 15:58:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it flows very well. I like the content though
2006-09-22 15:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me likes it, it gets deep without saying too much.
2006-09-22 16:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by igɳo★ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋