My fiance can be very selfish when it comes to sex...it always has to be about how I can please him. Which I don't mind for the most part, but it would be nice to have it be about me as well. I've spoken to him about it and he just doesn't seem to get it. Any advice on what I can do? Thanks for your help :)
2006-09-22 08:45:54 · 37 answers · asked by Katy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow...that is pretty amazing. Here is the thing, he needs to realize that your needs are just as important as his needs. And you saying you don't mind doesn't make any sense because here is the thing....if you didn't mind, you wouldn't have posted this at all. You need to do more than speak to him about it, you need to take a drastic action. Stop all favors toward him and tell him until there is equal affection toward you, you won't do it. It isn't fair, and in a way, he is using you to pleasure himself knowing that you will do it no matter what. Don't you find that a little demeaning? A woman's pleasure isn't something that should be taken lightly, because after a while of being married, you are going to start resenting him and feeling of animosity are going to build. This is something that should be taken care of BEFORE the wedding because once you say I do, you don't have an out. I speak from experiene honey, believe me. There are many reasons that men don't think that we need to be satisfied, but the number one is that they are selfish and just don't give a ****. That may not be the case with your soon to be hubby, maybe he doesn't know how to or whatever, and in that case, there are books available. Try the Karma Sutra. Break out the massage oils. Get into videos (believe me, they help). Play sex games with him (I recommend dice w/ suggestions on them and 52 romantic evenings found in adult bookstores). There are many things that you can do. I don't remember the name of it, but you can also find it in the adult bookstores...there is a book where half of it is for him and the other half is for you. That also may be a way to go. No woman wants to roll over after sex and have that feeling of ickiness in the pit of her stomach because once again, it just didn't happen. Good Luck, I hope this helps. :) God Bless in your marriage too :)
2006-09-22 09:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by pamalamadingdong_1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Before you and your fiance tie the knot you two need to get into a good pre-marriage counceler. If this is an issue now.. it will be an issue after you are married, and I'm going to suspect that this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to him being selfish.
If he won't go to conceling then i would suggest either putting the wedding off until such a time he does decide to go with you or terminate the relationship. while this may sound drastic you need to think about going through this ALL the time FOREVER. From the tone of your question i don't think you can go on with this for another week, much less forever.
2006-09-22 08:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by .... 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop pretending anything will suffice in bed. Turnabout is fair play. Rather than talking to him about it, try showing him exactly what you want him to do. You can push him down between your legs to give him the hint that you'd like oral. Or if he's just dreadful at giving oral, try sitting on his face so you can control where he is concentrating and how much pressure. If he's just not taking enough time to make sure you get there, I think you need a little cowgirl time so you can dictate the pace and keep him reigned-in so he doesn't climax long before you're even out of the gate. I hope this helps!
2006-09-22 08:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your man's behavior in bed tells alot about his character. Stop pleasing him until he sits and talks about your concerns. He is full of himself and you're enabling him to feel this way cuz you won't put your foot down. He is one selfish mother ******! If you can't work it out then I suggest you look for a more caring and sympathetic partner for life! I mean it, sex is a very important fixture in any marriage. Don't go into a marriage that does not fulfill your sexual needs because it will only get worse thru the years. Sexual satisfaction is very important in any marriage for both partners.
2006-09-22 09:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by liberalthinktank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a boyfriend who is the same d*mn way. He is all about the BJ, even promising to do it twice just so he can *** in my mouth the first time.
And then we wouldnt do it the second time.
Then I got angry, never a good thing.
So a male friend of mine told me if I want to get laid, to keep my mouth shut.
:-)
And it worked.
Plus, sometimes I just tell him what to do and dont put up with any arguing.
Or sometimes he will walk in and I have already started without him, then he just starts in on me. By the time we get to him, he's to excited to do anything else but give it to me.
There is more than one way to skin a cat. ;-)
We as women need to SAY WHAT WE WANT and not just expect them to give it to us. I dont think men are usually smart enough to do that. So, be blunt and sexy.
It will work!
2006-09-22 08:54:28 · answer #5 · answered by cici 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
People change when they get married. If he is this selfish on the sex , then you will have your hands full when the new wears off of your relationship. A marraige is a lot of compromise and work on both people . Its a shame to waste 10 - 15 years of your life trying to make somebody else happy.
2006-09-22 08:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by noname 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Usually as people get more used to each others bodies over time, they because more attuned to each others wants and needs. So things may improve over time. Are you vocal during sex as far as telling him your needs and desires? At least that is a time that you will have his attention.
If he is not selfish in other ways, then this is a problem that can easily be worked out.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-22 08:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop giving it to him. When he asks why, tell him that you think he's selfish in bed and it would be nice if he does for you what you do for him. Once he starts, start up again yourself.
Once he feels deprived a little, he should smarten up.
2006-09-22 09:00:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am happy to know that you spoke to him, but maybe you need to let him know exactly what pleasing you means.Let him know in detail what you like, men bodies are different from ours so help him to understand the differences and when every he does something that you like be sure to let him know.That makes a man feel good and also makes work harder.Good luck.
2006-09-22 09:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by simlpeme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry this guy until this issue is resolved. Every man should want to please his woman (especially his wife!). And you should mind it! You deserve to be pleased by your man! Every woman does. Maybe you can try to guide him during the midst of things. Guide his hands (or mouth) to certain spots! Verbalize (ooh, yes, right there!) so that he knows that he is doing a good job. Good luck and peace.
2006-09-22 09:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋