I have a friend who's physically handicapped. She is my best friend and I love her dearly. For years we've been talking about rooming together for both our benefit. She can't live alone because of her disability, she currently lives with her mom who is driving her nuts. She has a good job so I would have someone to help with the bills and she loves my boys. The problem is she's gay and she recently told me she has feelings for me beyond friendship. She says she understands that I'm straight but I can see so many things going wrong if we move in together. I don't know what to tell her because if I changed my mind she'd be devastated. She sees this as her only chance to live on her own and I don't want to take that from her. I'm concerned about her getting more attached, and also bringing "girlfriends" around the boys. They don't really understand about girls kissing girls or boys kissing boys and I'm always a mother first. What should I do?
2006-09-22 08:16:27 · 18 answers · asked by lovelee1 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
first of all, does your friend have an aid that comes to her house to help her with things like bathing? because i don't think that should be up to you to take care of her. second of all, you have to let her know that these feelings she's having for you could cost her and you your friendship especially if she plans on living with you. last of all, you need to set some ground rules in writting before she moves in with you. Like you can have your girlfriends over but, please respect you and your children when she wants to show affection to her friends, and restrain herself around the children and you. if she can't accept these terms then she isn't your friend, and just because she's physically handicapped does not mean she's mentally. if you favor her because she's handicapped then you are not helping her all youre doing is making her more handicapped. Good Luck. You have to think of your kids first. If it doesn't work out where will you and your kids be? where do you think she will end up? back home. while youre kids are living out of a box. think about your kids first not your friends.
2006-09-22 08:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Lovelee 1 !
Oh boy.. This is a tough, and sad situation. I know you care for your friend, and it sounds like this living arrangement could help you out financially, and also with your friends new-found independence, but... She's in love with you !
As soon as I read your question, I thought: " uh oh.. "
If you follow through with this, I can tell you from firsthand experience; it will not end well !
I've been through something similar with my EX best friend; she was bi, then jumped completely to the other side...The end transformation was a hard-core bull-dyke - after I moved in ! She developed feelings for me, even though she knew I was straight; to say the least,she had a multitude of issues, and things became very awkward, and then turned very really nasty..
You also have to think about your innocent children; can you imagine all of the explaining you'll have to do ?
What if they go to school, and tell a friend/teacher/guidance counselor ?
It sounds as if she's already in love with you; you'll have to be the strong one to nix this potential disaster in the bud !
I wish I wasn't so naive then...
She told you in advance that she " likes you ". I think you should run in another direction, because she will fall deeper in love for you, and when the feeling isn't returned; she will grow to resent you, and things could turn nasty.
So to avoid all of this unnecessary drama, you have to tell her, and it's in both of your best interests to be upfront about it; tell her thought the whole thing through, and explain why it's best for you, and your children to not move in with her; it's best if you don't sugar-coat it, you don't want her to think that she can change your mind. Let her know that you'll help her find a responsible replacement .
You can still continue to be her friend, but from a distance; for a while a least.
Why not help her find a responsible roommate ? Hopefully she will respect, and understand your decisions on this sensitive matter.
I wish you the best.
Love, light, and peace,
tishy
2006-09-22 16:45:28 · answer #2 · answered by bubletish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her one of my closest friends told me she was gay( which in her case was kind of obvious since I had known her for years) and told me she had a crush on me, I told her what I felt and thatwe would never be more than friend things changed a little but we are still cool! You can still move in with her she'll get over her crush when she meets someone else.
As far your kids you are right for them to be your first concern, depending on their ages either explain it to them or you should both agree not to have mates to the house when the kids are home . I try not to let my neices see anyone kissing or being intimate because they imitate. The gay talk must come after the sex talk so if they arent ready for the sex talk they probably arent ready to know about that! God Bless
2006-09-22 15:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by dreamgirl4myboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's better to be honest about this upfront! Tell her you love her dearly as a friend and you hadn't quite thought things through before you agreed to this offer, tell her if it was just you alone and there wasn't anyone else involved in this situation that you'd be honored to be her roommate, but as it stands, you have the boys and they are your main concern at this point! If she truly thinks of you as a friend, she'll understand your concern of the children's welfare! Honesty is the best policy!
2006-09-22 16:14:53 · answer #4 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be something you would have to disguss about bringing lovers, but that goes both ways, sounds like you dont want to find anyone either,, you are not her mother or care taker,, dont fall into the situation of going to help her get away from her nagging mother,
dont let the attraction thing bother you, if she knows you are not gay and have no interest other than friends, she should honor that,
2006-09-22 15:19:54 · answer #5 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your children are the most important ones here. You have to put them first.Don't let her move in with you . Every minute will be uncomfortable. you won't ever want to leave without taking the kids with you, and you will have no peace of Mind. Do your friend a favor and tell here asap so that she can begin to look for another solution to he problem. You are not responsible for her discussions or her lifestyle, but you are very responsible for the security and health and welfare of your children
2006-09-22 15:25:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it is never to early to talk to your boys about sex and relationships
i did w/ my little girl at age 4 5 6 and 7
she understands a lot about sexuality and homosexuality
we live in SAN FRANCISCO
but don't turn her down to move out w/ u
she will help out w/ the $ part of it
just tell her vary strongly that you love her as a FRIEND ONLY!!
and that nothing will ever happen w/ the two of you in that way
say it would be nice to move out together on both 1/2s but please don't make a big deal out of those fillings you have 4 me
2006-09-22 15:28:25 · answer #7 · answered by ez-goin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are sincere and caring. this is a tough issue, but, if she is a good a friend to you as you seem to be to her, shell understand. sit her down and be straight about your concerns and set the ground rules. it may be that you two can work it out without losing your friendship and without dealing with the type of behavior that you dont believe in.
2006-09-22 15:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by debo3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her that there will be some rules. Be honest with her. Tell her what you told us. I to have a friend that's bi and she has made passes to our other friends but never me. I would tell her straight out I don't like that crap. Please don't ruin her only chance of her moving out on her own. I'm sure you two can work around this. Good luck! Your a great friend to have.
2006-09-22 15:21:23 · answer #9 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She confided to you her feelings. It is only fair that you do the same. Tell her how you feel about it and work from there. Honesty...honesty...honesty.
If it doesn't feel right, tell her in light of the recent revelation, you do not see the 2 of you rooming together. Let her know that you still regard her as your best friend.
2006-09-22 15:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋