Question on my relationship with my father?

Question

I am not very close with my father, but after my 1st child I thought i'd give it a try, so I made the iniative and called and even visited.
He is still the same ol Jerk as always, just I think he tries more.

Well He drinks alot, and I just told him I was pregnant with his 2nd grandchild (btw im 26 and married) and his response was"you havent figured out what causes that yet" "if you keep your legs closed this wont happen" I told him Im done talking with you and told him to put my step mom back on the phone, she has had it with him too...

Do you think I should quit trying, I mean, hes a drunk and hes mean! I dont want my kids around this kind of thing. and why should we have to deal with this?
We have never been close So I dont talk to him about this, How would you approach this? Im thinking of telling my step mom I dont want to talk to him when hes drunk and I sure dont want my kids around him!

Answer 1

Hi. I seen your question and for some reason I felt compelled to answer it. So, here goes.

It seems that you are really trying to keep a relationship with him. Keep it up! If you stop then you might regret it later.
He should never treat you or your children like that, but apparently the alcohol makes him do it. If you continue to try to talk with him then he will either finally break down and become nicer, or he will end up being a really old man with no one who cares for him, and he won't have anything but his beer. That would be lonely. But trying to keep a relationship with him shouldn't have to be frustrating for you or for anyone else.

This is what I would do:
How far away from him do you live? If it's fairly close then try to make a time each month that your step-mother keeps him off of the alcohol. At that time, sto by and visit. When you get there if he is still a grouch, then talk to your step-mother outside and leave without letting him see your children. If he is nice, then hope that he will keep it up.
If you live far away, then try to make a time every three months to go see him. I would also try to call every week or every other week, even if it's just for 5 minutes.
The reason for keeping in touch at all would be, in my opinion, for the reason of him being your father. I would try for a long time, until something happens inside him that he makes the decision that he needs to stop acting like a jerk and become the father and grandfather that he really needs to be. If he never makes that happen inside him, then he will be alone forever.

This way, if something happens to him, you will know that you have done everything that you could do. That way, you can never regret not trying to keep a relationship.

I sincerely hope that he comes around. Good luck with you and your family. I hope I helped!
God bless!

Answer 2

There must be reason he is behaving that way.I dont think its bse he drinks.Search for any major disagreements uve ever had with him or any expectation he might have had of u that didnt turn out the way he liked.You could even ask him to be open with u as to why he is so negative.
Tell him u are sorry and want a fresh start at the relatoinship.
Better if u leave the step mom out of this mending effort unless your father wishes it so.Pse dont give up bse u will ever have one father and ive a feeling, he loves u too.Good Luck

Answer 3

If you can't talk to him on the phone or in person, at least keep the communication lines open by sending cards and pictures of your kids. Hopefully he will stop drinking some day and will realize you have been trying your best to be his daughter. He'll be thankful for that. And if he drinks for the rest of his life, at least you'll know that you provided him with pictures and stories of his grandkids. I wouldn't make unannounced visits with the kids, but if you feel reasonably sure his wife can keep him sober on the day of a scheduled visit, let him see the kids. All you can do is keep trying. Somewhere deep inside of him he appreciates that you are trying, even though he isn't.

Answer 4

if you are asking this question then you already know the answer. This person is no 'father figure' your best bet is to walk away and when your children are old enough to understand then you can explain why they have had not contact with him. Until then you can tell them that he has an illness (alcoholism) and that is not a lie. You have been hurt enough by this man and there is no reason to extend the pain to your children. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

You tried and as long as he continues to drink he will act this way. My dad's dad was a mean nasty drunk, and my mom told him that if he was going to continue to drink he couldn't be around us kids. He beat my dad and his siblings when they were children. When your kids are old enough to ask about him just tell them that he is not a nice person and that he drinks too much. Kids understand much more than we give them credit for sometimes.

Answer 6

Yes, I think you should quit trying. You've made an effort already. You are missing out on nothing. Unhealthy, destructive relationships have no place in our lives. Save yourself some tears and frustration and just walk away. You have your children, your own family...there is no reason to continue on.

Answer 7

Buy the book, "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Answer 8

Yeah, what a jurk. I don't have a good realationship with my father, but you really should try to stay close with your step mom. If you get along with her. Maybe if you told your step mom she could sort of bring it up if she's comfortable with that.
Yelixa

Answer 9

don't worry you're not the only one who has to suffer i do too but you do live at your own house don't you just ignore hI'm he might get the point im in the same position in some way because me and my dad don't get along hes even told me if i didn't like it i could leave and i told him where did expect me to go and he has even tried to call the cops on before

Answer 10

sounds like you have already tried and your aOK for not wanting your babies around a jerk like that. maybe he willl wake up before its too late. you can find someone that would be a grandfather figure to the kids. my daughter did with her baby, cause her dad, will that's a different story.