Need suggestions for handling a child interrupting during sex?

Question

Locking the door was a good thought...actually shutting it all the way would have been helpful.
My 7-yr old daughter came in my bedroom last night while my boyfriend and I were having sex. She went unnoticed until she got right to the edge of the bed. So I see her and, obviously, stop immediately. I didn't know what to say. It's never happened before - she's never seen me with a man until recently. I've kept all dates/boyfriends away from my home for 7 years. Seeing me with someone is new for her. Seeing me having sex with someone is...what?? Traumatic? Scary? I don't know. I just picked her up, took her back to bed & didn't say a word. I sat down with her on my lap & rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
She didn't say a word about it this morning before school. Should I leave it alone? Ask her if she wants to talk about what she saw? What? I'm completely freaking out over this. Pretty sure I'll be comfortable enough to have sex in my house again in say, oh I don't know, 17 years!

Answer 1

WOW, tough one, I would follow your daughters lead, let her ask you anything she wants and answer her as honestly as you should for a 7 year old. She might not ask and might forget it???? But probably not. So just deal with her honestly!

Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm trying not to laugh because I had the same thing happen when my son was like 3 or 4. He made a huge scene and cried and everything. It was awful. And to this day he makes it a point to check on me like every 20 minutes to see what I'm doing and he's 10 now. It's like he could sense when we were trying to get something going. He can't stand to see anyone hug or kiss me. I have tried to explain it to him but he just thinks it's bad. Before my ex and I split up we never did it until the boys were asleep. He would leave and then sneak back into the house so they wouldn't know he was there. And we would be very very quiet. Not a whole lot of fun but it's better than traumatizing the kids. I would talk to her and make sure she's not upset about it or feeling weird about it because she could mention it to the wrong person and that's a whole new set of problems. Kids are way smarter than people give them credit for. My kid tells my mom everything and boy did I have some explaining to do! LOL And for God's sake close and lock the freakin door lady, what's wrong with you. LOL

Answer 3

First of all, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't know your daughter would wake up. She's 7. That means she doesn't know exactly what she saw... and it might have been a little scary for her. Locking the door would be the best idea from now on. Just keep in mind, your daughter isn't the first kid to walk in on their parents. Be open if she asks about it but don't make a humongous deal out of it either. She might be embarassed just like you are. You know you did the right thing and you're doing just fine. Keep up the good work.

Answer 4

Understand. Been there and recently. Not only was I completely and totally mortified, but I didn't know what to say either. However, I have already had the "sex" talk with two out of the three of my kids. They know the who, what, when, where and with protection. My suggestion would be to slowly, very slowly start the sex talk with your daughter. When she finally understands what she saw, she will have a little bit of knowledge under her belt in order to help her cope with it. Don't worry, you didn't tramatize her. You only opened a door that could have stayed shut a little while longer. However, remember one thing...Early education is prevention.

Answer 5

Well, don't let her know how upset you are about it. Handling it casually will probably allow her to find an appropriate place to put this into her knowledge of the world.

Only if she brings it up would I discuss it. Then admit that you were somewhat embarrassed about her seeing it, but that it is natural. Then ask what she did in school that day. Don't overemphasize it's importance to you, and she will get the message that it was not that big a deal.

Answer 6

It is very common for children to walk in on their parents having sex at some point in their lives, and really its not that traumatic in and of itself.

If she asks questions you could explain what you were doing in an age appropriate way - ie the people in love do this etc

Also you could have a discussion with her about boundaries for future reference - ie you will both start to knock before going into eachothers bedrooms - this shows respect and privacy. Make it a mutual thing/

But don't beat yourself up about this. Its very common.

Answer 7

You need to talk to her about what she saw. Be subtle at first and simply ask her what she wanted when she came into the room? Then, ask her if she has any questions as to what she saw..if anything. Obviously the conversation will differ depending upon what exactly you were in the midst of when she came in. I mean, obviously the take is going to differ greatly if when she came in you were chained to the bed posts with your boyfriend riding you like a pony as opposed to having him on top of you under the covers.
(sorry to be graphic, but I think you get my point).

Answer 8

how 'bout this-say,very matter of factly-"looks like u woke up last night for awhile.is there anything u would like to talk about?" if she says no,then just change the topic.if she says yes,or asks what was going on,say something like u were showing affection for a special friend in a way grown ups do.thats all she needs to know.my room-mate saw her parents when she was 6,she didnt find it traumatic or scary,just curious,at the time.when she was about 11,and learned the "facts of life",she still wasnt traumatised,but did feel "icky" about it,to this day.nothing major,tho.fortunately,my parents couldnt stand each other,so they slept at opposite parts of the house!!!!!!

Answer 9

I would just leave things the way they are until she say's something to you. Maybe from now on you should wait until she is asleep or gone for the night or day.....I don't think i would want anymore run-ins like that. I mean really what do you say to a 7 year old child? But no i don't think i would start a conversation with my daughter like that if it bothers her she will come to you.......good-luck to you

Answer 10

I think I would ask her if she wants to talk about it. My son, when he was five walked in on my husband and I. Unlike your daughter, my son immediately asked what was his dad doing to his mum. My husband said wrestling! lol My son immediately said "Don't lie, you are having sex!" and walked out. He is almost 7 now, was not in any way traumatized. I know this because he told me later that evening that next time he approaches our room and the door is locked he won't pick the lock, he will just wait until we come out. lol

Answer 11

I would be mortified if that happened to me. I guess closing and locking the door would work the best. Another way, if possible, is to have intercourse during the day while she is at school. Planning is boring, but it will help prevent your daughter from catching you and your boyfriend " in the act".