why do i always push them away??

Question

i think theres something majorly wrong with. me..i lost 98lbs met the man iwant to spend the rest of my life with and omgg.. ilove him so much..infact its beyound love this is soulmate stuff!!.but yet i have this ability to push him away, he lives in nyc me in england and that in itself is torture but, its like icant actually belive somebody wants me?? but yet im aconfident girl??, its like if he says something iread too much into it.. or when its going really well...i do something like go on about how hes not going to like me my body etc..ohh its driving me crazy and the worst bit is..i never can tell when its coming on and im going to go like that.and hes put up with it soo mcuh and says he will never give up..although everybody has their limits, and everytime i tell him im sorry and wont do it again then 3 weeks later im doing it again..its almost like im so frightened of the rejection as im so inlove with him..that i try and push him away,

i dont know whats the matter with me.but its driving me crazy.a nd i dont know how to stop being like this........................i,m so afraid of sabotaging it.but yet in the same instance if i dont watch it i feel iam going to do the exact same thing im so frightened of happening.............gawddddd somebody please helppp! any suggestions.. i wish it was just as easy as stopping..and the worst thing....i,m even more leathal during my period.....we only have 8 weeks to go before we see eachother.......how can i survive this or we for that matter??

and the absolute crazy thing is.....at the start i didnt care what he or anybody thought of me i had an except me for who and what iam attitude whcih is the exact thing he loved about me.and its only since my feelings have intensified to this level..have i gone like this.and all the coments are correct....its like iam trying to push him away...so avoid getting hurt......hm gezzzz i really dont understand my self at times..i,m thinking i have lost the plot!lol

Answer 1

It's called insecurity, just be yourself and be proud of who you are, there are men out there that will love you for you.why try to second guess them.just accept it.

Answer 2

I'm not a psychologist, but from the looks of things id say that you are sabotaging your relationship with your boyfriend. Its strange how the human mind works but from my experience a person can be confident but have low self esteem at the same time and have feeling of unworthiness. 98lbs is a lot of weight to loose, that in itself is worth patting yourself on the back for, but perhaps behind that weight loss there maybe feelings of insecurity as well. Why is he with me, he deserves someone better etc. Apparently we all have a tape player in our heads that plays 24/7, if you have a negative recording going on in your head you will experience negative feelings about yourself which may affect your relationship with others. Id suggest counseling to perhaps exercise yourself of any negative thoughts that you might have.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you are doing. You want to push him away before he decides to dump you. I know exactly how you are feeling. The first piece of advice that am going to give you is: LOVE YOUR SELF MORE!!!! If you don't start believing that you can drive any man you want crazy for you, you are never going to accept that someone actually loves you. You need to love your self you need to be for you the most beautiful women in the world. Once you start having faith in yourself then it will be easy to believe him. Don't be afraid of rejection, it is hard and painful but its what makes us want to be better persons and keep fighting. I am sure that is he is still with you is because he loves you. Long distance relationships are hard, yes, I know that but you can always make them work if both parts are willing to. When you feel like you are going to go crazy on him, is better that you tell him to give some time to your self till you calm down and then express your self calmly to him. Always be open and honest. I am sure that with some effort on your part things can get better.

Answer 4

Reinvent yourself, let go of the old way of thinking. Look into the mirror. Pinch yourself. Your beautiful. Work on the inside too. Spend some time in the self help section of the bookstore/library. Or get counseling. It is tough but you can do it.

Answer 5

I have been there, with my ex's. In a way you don't believe in love and are punishing him, or sabatoging yourself before you get closer. And trying to get him to prove his love.

No, nothing is wrong with you. It is easy to be confident in life, and insecure in your relationship.

what I find helps is to zip my trap and analyze it and then tell in simple words I label it.

E.g. I am scared because this is so wonderful. But when he turned away instead of hugging me when i needed it, I got irrational and wondered if I annoyed him. I set him free to have his own thoughts and be annoyed because I trust my choices in men. And i get annoyed too sometimes. We always work through this. i am confident in this relationship and don't expect him to read my mind. Next time i will say 'honey, I need a hug cause i need to feel you are close to me right now'.

Make any sense? it's kinda hard to explain...

Answer 6

YOU ARE CARRYING TOO MUCH BAGGAGE. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN HURT BEFORE, AND NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT.

WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU INDIRECTLY MAKE THE NEXT GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PAST PAIN. YOU INDIRECTLY EXPECT HIM TO CARRY YOUR BAGGAGE.

YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY REALLY INSECURE, AND YOU NEED HIS APPROVAL TO BE OK WITH YOURSLEF. THAT IS TOO NEEDY. THAT IS WHAT DRIVES PEOPLE AWAY.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS. NO ONE ELSE WANTS THAT JOB, ANYWAY. IT IS YOUR JOB TO MAKE ACCOMPLISHMENTS, TO BUILD YOURSELF UP, TO GAIN YOUR OWN CONFIDENCE, AND TO BE SATISFIED WITH YOURSELF.

WHEN YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO GIVE YOU ALL THAT, THEY GET TRIED OF HAVING THE LIFE DRAINED OUT OF THEM AND LEAVE.

YOU SAY YOU LOVE HIM, BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T TRUST HIM. YOU DON'T REALLY LOVE HIM, IF THAT IS THE CASE. YOU ARE INFATUATED WITH HIM, AND YOU DESPERATELY NEED HIS APPROVAL. THAT'S NOT LOVE.

OF COURSE YOU WILL DRIVE HIM AWAY IF YOU DON'T TRUST HIM. YOU WOULD BE TELLING HIM THAT HE IS SHALLOW AND SUPERFICIAL, AND THAT YOU DO NOT THINK HE HAS GOOD ENOUGH JUDGEMENT TO VALUE YOU AS A PERSON.

YOU FEEL NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOURSELF, AND YOU READ INTO THINGS. WHAT'S YOUR PAYOFF THAT KEEPS YOU DOING THAT? IS IT THE NEED TO BE "RIGHT" ABOUT YOUR FEARS AND INSECURITIES?

SIT BACK AND RELAX FOR A MINUTE. THINK TO YOURSELF "WHAT IF...." (WHAT IF, HE SAW BEYOND YOUR APPEARANCE AND APPERCIATED YOUR REDEEMING QUALITIES? WHAT IF, HE FEELS A CONNECTION TO YOU AND TRUSTS YOU WITH HIS SECRETS? WHAT IF, HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE AFRAID OF? WHAT IF, NOT EVERYBODY THINKS JUST LIKE YOU DO?)

AND REMEMBER THIS:
WHETHER YOU THINK HE WILL REJECT YOU OR NOT, YOU WILL BE RIGHT. WHETHER YOU THINK HE WILL ACCEPT YOU OR NOT, YOU WILL BE RIGHT.

Answer 7

You have to be able to look in the mirror and love yourself, before you can love anyone else. You have mastered a problem in your life, you should be so proud. You just need to pray to God, for clarity, self-assurance,contentment and his Grace. If this guy loves you and you love him, then this is a God send Grasp it and enjoy your life.

Answer 8

Guys who attempt to answer this....can you see what's going on here? Wouldn't you just yank yer hair out.

Answer 9

okay this was like way too long to read, so i stopped, sorry i cant help

Answer 10

paradise lost; try to gain paradise again. o.k.