Ok...My bf of 12 years recently left us (me our 1yr old and our 2 yr old) he now says he doesn't know what he wants..To live by himself or to come back and try to be a family again?? He was talking to a girl when he left..That's why he left I found out. He is staying with his brother.
I am an emotional mess! I am a fulltime student with 2 children and he just WALKED OUT! He doesn't know what he wants. He only seems to care about himself. What do I do? I can't live like this anymore. how could this be so easy? I need help...Thanks
2006-09-22 06:55:37 · 16 answers · asked by *bossy* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the honest answers..Keep going you are empowering me!!
2006-09-22 07:42:38 · update #1
Ok i know it hurts.. first of all,..... been there, my husband walked out on me when my children were only 2 and 3.. for another woman..
What u do is.. u focus on your kids.. u draw strength from your kids to go on.. i know ur heart is breaking and the world feels like its tumbling down around u.. and u just wish u didnt have to get out of bed in the morning as u just want to curl up in ur covers and wish that ud wake up from this horrible nightmare.. true?
But ur kids are what keep making u breath in and out every day, they are what makes u crack that smile, they are what makes u need to get out of that bed, and keep going for them.. ur bf wants to be a little boy trapped in a mans body LET HIM!!!!!.. and dont u sit around crying ur eyes over him.. u need to get the courage, to want to survive.. with him or with out him, and if u go begging for him back it only empowers him.. let him know if u want to try to work this out betweem us, fine let me know till then.. we only discuss the children.. the children have become ur only reason to talk ..ur not his best friend right now, ur not his booty call, and dont let him string u along.. If he wants to be in this , he needs to "WANT" to be in this fully.. u and ur children need him to be a Real man, so my suggestion to u .. Is muster up the courage and anger.. and start doing for u and ur kids, they need u to be confident in this situation.. they need to know that mommy has all the answers and mommy knows what she's doing.. so they dont get scared.. and watching mommy cry only heightens their fears..and confusion fo the situation.. So the only chance u have at this point of him "deciding" what he wants, is to act like u dont really give a damn what he does at this point, ur to good for him.. he doesnt deserve u.. and start dressing with confidence, start pulling urself together, be civil, but dont let him have access to your heart right now.. he will only use it at his convience, when he is lonley.. when she's not around, he'll call u .. dont u fall for it.. cut off all communication unless its about the kids.. and when the subject moves off of the kids, divert it, get off the phone suddenly even by lying, such as "oops got another phone call, will have to talk to u later" dont be accessible to him.. he's stringing u along right now.. DONT LET HIM.. he wants his cake and eat it too. and if u do this, he'll only hold on to u till he knows "she's" a for sure thing.. Never let him see u sweat.. always act happy and giddy infront of him.. as if u have something up ur sleeve.. Be short sweet and to the point.. Get your household together.. get ur finances straightened out.. take charge of YOUR LIFE.. take the power back, even if he choose the single life with out u.. u feeling confident and moving forward now will be alot better then finding out all ur begging and pleading didnt work and still being in a stuper of feeling ur life is crashing around u.. when ur confident.. and ur ontop of the world nothing can stop u, nothing can bring u down not even him.. and u may just peak his interest again, and if u do.. MAKE HIM PROVE TO U HE"S WORTHY OF U , dont just let him back in so quick, make him work for it.. u need to know that u and the kids arent going to go through this every time a girl peaks his interest.. so make him prove that he's worthy of being the man u need him to be.. he cant pick and choose when he wants to be a husband/father ( i know he's ur bf.. but u were living as husband and wife) u need a REAL MAN and if he cant be that for u and ur kids, guess what, there are plenty of men out there that would love the chance to treat u and your kids the way u DESERVE to be treated.. SO get strong.. ur kids need u to fight for them.. and begging and pleading and waiting for ur life to come back together isnt how to do it.. take charge of ur life.. and make him WANT it again.. .. again if not.. OTHER MEN will notice ur confidence, and they will be biting at the chance to be with u when ur ready to move on.. Remember this.. U OWE HIM NOTHING...at this point he left u, u didnt leave him... he OWES U THE WORLD..and YOUR KIDS THE WORLD..
2006-09-22 07:21:11 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you can do is be there for your children and stay strong. Show them how to be independent from a man and make the right choices. Teach them that cheating is wrong and family is the most important thing no matter what their daddy is doing. I'm sorry you're going through this.
If you have children together, he will always be in your life. But for now, you will just have to let him go. And definitely re-think letting him back in if it ever comes to that. I know. I've been there too.
2006-09-22 07:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my girl you say it *he seems to care only about himself*
now time for you to care about you and your babies
you will make it, it will be hard but keep your head up
I walk out with 3 I made it
I know you are in school - go to the court house get child support for your children and be the best parent you can, if he wants to see them fine
12 years that is not a day and 2 children to walk out form all that just because some girl was talking to him
that is not forgivable
2006-09-22 07:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably had a very hard decision to leave you. It doesn't mean he is thinking about himself only right now, but try to find the reasons why he did that. As you say it wasn't a woman, he lives with his brother. The only thing he still suppose to think about his children too. Just give him some time, and try to be happy.
2006-09-22 07:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by snowdrop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That line is some of the oldest bullshite around. Your bf knows exactly what he wants... to be away from you and your 2 kids so he can be with another woman. Initiate proceedings in court for support of your 2 kids - at least get that out of him. Good Luck on the other stuff
2006-09-22 07:02:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you said in your question all he cares about is his self ! move on .. do not let some guy tell you the way you are going to live your life . Sounds like he wants to run around and be free .not a man , sounds like a boy . a man takes care of his family ! you can do better , if you need some one to talk e-mail me blueflowerscs@yahoo.com.. I have been there done it .. do not wait until he knows what he wants . what is it you want , a man to love you and your kids , that wants to be with YOU . its not him . some guys never grow up and become men .
2006-09-22 07:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much for you to do. You need to decide if you want him back. If you do don't freak out on him. He is having a personal crisis and is trying to "Find himself". You are in a position where really all you can do is to be patient. Try to be decent to him ,he is probably in an unbalanced state and if you hastle him it may be enough to push him away for good. Give him a bit of space.
2006-09-22 07:17:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very humorous-difficulty is, old age runs in my husband's relatives,i.e. his grandmother 103, his mom 103, his dad 102, his uncles one hundred and one 0 one and my husband is now 80 3. I have no purpose of residing that long (as though I had a say approximately it)-because of the fact the longer you reside, the greater apt you're to have some actual gruesome wellbeing issues, although not one of the above did-magnificent genes. however the junk meals my husband eats would not bode properly for him in spite of the fact that he in user-friendly terms takes one pill for his wellbeing!
2016-10-15 07:29:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what he wants in life, it matters what you want. I suggest for the sake of your two children and yourself that you sit down, make a contingency plan that suits you and go for it.
If you want him in your life, then wait until he returns. Personally, I would tell him that even though he doesn't know what he wants, you do, and it doesn't include him. Stick by your decision and move on.
People like him are selfish, and I believe that he probably couldn't eat the cake because he didn't know what to do.
2006-09-22 07:04:22 · answer #9 · answered by J j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babygirl, if he wanted to be with you and his kids, he never would have left. If he's talking to another chick, 9 times out of 10 he won't come back. Find someone who will love you for you - and only you as well as love your kids. There are guys out there like that. My sis just found one.
2006-09-22 07:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by *Kacie* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares what HE wants-- what do YOU need to do???
You need to pull your socks up dear. You have 2 kids out of wedlock with no father in the picture. STOP wondering what he wants and decide what is right for the well-being of the kids. You might have to quit school and get a job, but one thing for sure- what he "wants" isn't important. It's doing what you NEED to do for the kids.
2006-09-22 07:33:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋