A Woman's Role...(Serious Concern/ Question)?

Question

I guess this is follow up on my previous question. Why are women so overly sensitive and defensive when it comes to talking about a woman's role? Let me start by saying that I'm 22 and married plus I work (as does my husband). However, the only reason I work is due to cost of living now a days. Once I have children I only think it's right that I should stay home and take care of them. I also feel right now that I'm semi-failing my husband since I'm not able to "serve" him as needed. Now when I say "serve" I mean support him, be there for him, take care of him (as he does for me but in different ways). I believe the woman should be submissive in a relationship when it comes to certain decisions. I don't mean submissive in the case of a slave and being bossed around. I just feel the man should be the leader.

Basically I think I'm trying to find people that agree with this and whole heartedly believe it. If you don't I would like you rational and nice opinion.

My husband is taking a class at church called "The Quest for Authentic Manhood", in that class they stated something like- feminism was supposed to be about equality not sameness, the gender lines have been blurred. I completely agree with that. I’m not saying that feminism is completely bad I just think it accomplished not all great things. Why is that such a bad thing? Why isn’t it acceptable or understood what woman and men’s roles are?

Answer 1

I agree with you. In fact I just got done answering a question and stating about how the woman is suppose to be submissive and the man is to treat his wife as he would the church.

For a long time I had a problem with the word "submissive". I saw women being that and I didn't think it was fair. "Why is it that Uncle Soandso can't get his lazy butt off the couch and get his own supper??!!" But I didn't really see the other side of it. I was such a feminist when I was little without even knowing it!! My mom and dad's relationship: My dad worked, provided a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs. My mom's role was to keep the house clean, clothes clean, cook the meals. My father also paid the bills and gave my mom an "allowance" for groceries. That's what they called it back then, but my mom had the checkbook, she could have spent more if she'd wanted. My mother, brother, and I had anything we wanted. To an extent. My brother and I were simpletons! We didn't ask for hardly anything. Wish my kids were the same way!! So see, my mom was submissive in her role as a wife and my dad was the provider, the head of the household. I only wish I was half that good!

I don't work outside the home and I usually just sit around the house, or lay around, sometimes the entire day while my husband works, and then comes home and does side jobs. I really need to get my butt in gear and quit answering questions and make this place a nice home for my hubby to come home too! Also - I hope it works for you to be able to stay home after your children start coming. It's really hard to live on one income, but the prices of daycares are outrageous! When my kids were younger, I was paying more an hour than I made! I was divorced then and the state did help very little tho. It was tough. And it's really tough now living on one income, don't have daycare costs, but have a mortgage, and all other kinds of bills. I wish you luck and hopefully a happy life!

Answer 2

At what time and for what decisions should a woman be submissive?

Married or living togther -- you BOTH have made a committment to work together as equals -- each giving as much as you have to give. If by being submissive you mean that you BOTH decide on how to divide up chores and decisions in your relationship -- I always handled the money -- I didn't spend it as fast as my spouse -- however, he balanced the checkbook -- my math leaves a lot to be desired. When purchasing a new car -- he knew more about the "mechanics" of the automobile, while I was the one who made the decisions about whether or not it could hold the car seat, groceries, and would be good on long trips -- then we made a decision on which auto had what we both wanted. But I wasn't submissive, nor was he.

There were times when I let him make the final decision on something or he did the same for me. We supported each other by HELPING each other with the decisions.

To many times women have let their husband/significant other/life partner make the decisions and have left everything up to the other person -- only to find that one day they may need to make all the decisions (breakup, death, divorce, etc) and find that they know nothing about where the insurance policies are, bank accounts, what bills are owed and to who they are paid.

You mention not being able to serve your husband by being there for him. Once you become a mom that works at home (believe me being a mom is work) you will still be there for him. You will be taking care of the home and children. You will be helping(serving) him by being aware of what you spend when grocery shopping (clip a few coupons, buy store brands) -- maybe turn the heat down a couple of degrees in the winter to save on the fuel bill. These are decisions that you make as an EQUAL partner in the relationship. These are decisions you make regarding the finances of which you are an EQUAL partner -- even though you are no longer working outside the home. However, you state that YOU think it is right that you stay home after you have children -- does he? This is a personal decision and often it is more financially efficient for mom to stay home -- the cost of day care is through the roof. However, this is a decision that should be made by BOTH of you.

I am sorry to say that I do not agree with you -- I don't think there should be a "submissive" role in a relationship. I also feel that perhaps you are looking for someone to take care of you -- perhaps a father like figure. It's been known to happen in relationships!!

Either way -- the decisions you make about your relationship with your husband are yours and yours alone. If you feel you really need to discuss this you should probably talk with a close friend, or counselor. If you want the opinion of strangers (which is probably why you posted this here) join a group (dance, gym, theater) and see how others feel about the subject.

Answer 3

If it works for you then great! I am a mother to 3 girls and work my butt off also because of the cost of living and I couldn't imagine my husband being the only one contributing to our household financially even though I know he would. I think that people are defensive because it feels like an attack. You see your viewpoints and condem those who don't feel the same way." I believe the woman should be submissive in a relationship when it comes to certain decisions. I don't mean submissive in the case of a slave and being bossed around. I just feel the man should be the leader." My husband and I are partners and we make our decisions together. If I wanted a father figure I would have never moved out of my parents home.

Answer 4

I agree to a point with you...I like the fact that my hubby works and takes care of the bills...we have a 4 year old son and I stopped working when he was born to take care of him...I thought that would be very awsome..to take care of the house hold work while my hubby took care of everything else...but I'm at the point now where I think I should start working again so I can gain back some of my independence...my hubby is not a leader we both make the decisions together..we never make choices without first asking the other...on major stuff that is.....I guess I want the best of both worlds...stay home and work and bring home money..

Answer 5

I don't agree with you at all!!! I am a strong and independent person and I don't see anything wrong with that. In a relationship the two people should be equal regardless of whether they are the man or the woman. I will not be submissive in any way to any man because that is like saying I am weak and they are strong. That they are better than I am. I refuse to live in a relationship like that. If that is what works for you and your husband that is fine but I think you are trapped about 50 years in the past. This is a new day and there is nothing wrong with being strong and independent and demanding to be an equal in a relationship.

I also feel like this is a bad image to be giving off to your children when you have them. A daughter does not have to be submissive to her mate and your son should not be brought up that he is better than the woman he chooses to be his wife!

Answer 6

I completely disagree with you

I do not see how you can have equality when one person is submitting to another - look up the definition of submit.

a lot of people confuse equality with sameness. Of course there are some rather obvious physical differences between men and women, but other differences are not very well proven. Are women more nurturing? I have known women that abused their children horribly and men that are very nurturing. Are women more emotional? I have known women that are cold and unfeeling and men that are very emotional. How much of our definitions about what is masculine or feminin are cultural vs. natural.

The pressure put on those who don't fit into our societal definitions is immense - I've had men tell me that I'm "not a man" just because I don't watch sports and others tell me I am a "fag" because I didn't try to have sex with every women I could. I have known women who were interested in science and math and were told by their teachers that they were strange. I have known little girls who were told that they shouldn't were trousers because it isn't natural and makes them look like a boy (and that was this year I heard that)

Also remember that the language that is used to state that women should submit to men is the exact same language that white supremist groups used when they stated that African-Americans should submit to whites.

Keep in mind that not all societies saw that men and women were different in the same way that we see it. Celtic women fought along side the men in battle and led men into battle too. In fact if you read the history, the Romans had the most trouble fighting the Celtic armies (they had more legions in England than in any other province, even bigger provinces). If women were by nature not leaders and not warriors (as our society states), then the Celtic armies would have been weaker, not stronger, with their presence.

Personally, I think businesses should be pressured into being flexible to allow both parents to raise their children; I have known parents that did this, but it was very, very difficult and they could only take lower paying jobs.

Answer 7

i think that if you are "submissive" to your husband, then the same should be for you also, i mean your man should always listen to you and respect you. i think that some women get defensive about this because of the teachings of fundamental feminists. there is nothing more pointless then a women getting into a relationship and treating their man like a toy. he is your husband and that is good that you want to do good for him. however, i do not feel that the man should be the leader. i think when you are in a relationship it should be an equal partnership, i mean it takes two to make a baby right? i think the word "submissive" scares most people because it means like giving in helplessly like a victim to its prey. plus in this day and age divorce is as common as rain so women usually dont want to leave everything to the man especially when he can take it away when he leaves. however,
bottom line you should support your man and your man should support you.

Answer 8

I completely agree with you. I have found that when I am more submissive to my husband, things go better andwe are both happier. we seem to agree more and/or compromise. I do work to help with the cost of living. I didn't when my son was born. i stayed home until he started school last year. he attends a private religious school so i needed to go back to work to halp out with the extra expenses. I work only morning, so i have the afternoon off and am able to care for the house and my family as it should be. If more women were submissive there wouln't be so many divorces.

Answer 9

Many people have grown up in a misguided home, you have the right idea. Don't worry about what others have to say. It seems as though you are taking your direction as a christian. And i truly feel that more women would like to have it that way, just afraid to say so and most men these days don't have any idea what it means to be a man. Look at our society, we have so many children growing up without fathers present and not paying child support not offering any emotional, physical, financial support of any kind. We are living in a society with a lot of miss guided young people. Very sad however, very true. We as a society need to be aware of the signals we are giving our children.

Answer 10

I think in order for a woman to feel good about being submissive she must be married to a God fearing man. When you get the negative reaction to the submissive word it is because most men are not living in God's plan as they might and so a woman would be subjecting herself to the possibility of abuse. Sometimes even when a man says that he is a Christian or living for God, he really isn't and is just using that description to manipulate the woman to do as he wants. When you serve your husband you need to be easier on yourself...we are only humans and do what we can as best as we can if that is our priority.