My best friend has marriage problems and has started going to church, thinking that might help. It's an old timey very small country church. Now, all of a sudden she seems to be very judgemental and, well....old fashioned. She doesn't act this way towards me, but has said some things normally out of character for her, and she seems to have a holier than thou type of attitude. I love this woman. She has been my best friend in the world for about 13 years. I want her to be who ever she wants to be, but how do I handle this change in her, without being judgemental myself, or getting angry or getting my own feelings hurt?
2006-09-22 05:57:42 · 10 answers · asked by persnickety1022 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
uhhh...TAM...darlin, your answer makes no sense. I am a female talking about my best friend who is a female. Not sure what you mean by "another guy" or "the baby"...Are you sure you're answered the question you thought you were answring?
2006-09-22 07:10:59 · update #1
She is your best friend in the world. Sweetie, that means that you find a diplomatic way to tell her how you feel. Something along the lines of: "I am so happy to hear that you have gotten back into church. I know that is very important to you and I can see the happiness in your face. I am so very proud of how hard you are trying and truly hope that it all works out for you." Leave it at that for a while. See if her attitude changes once she realizes she still has your love and support. If she continues to be judgemental toward other people, you should say something to her about it. "I've noticed that you have less tolerance for other people's imperfections lately. Is everything ok, or is there something you want to talk about? You know I'm here for you and I'll help in any way that I can. I'm worried about you because you are not acting like yourself". This may bring up a conversation and allow her to tell you things and allow you to respond.
Good luck! I know it is difficult to confront someone you love. I hope that she is open to hearing it and open to change it.
2006-09-22 07:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by sexychik1977 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, this is a touchy situation. For whatever reason, your friend is getting some needs met in this church and is adapting her behavior to cultivate further acceptance into this new form of attention. it may run it's course and she will discover that her friendship with you is deep and true or she may change so completely due to the church influence coupled with the havoc of her marriage that your friendship may evolve into something you don;t even recognize anymore...
Whatever happens, please try to remember, it is not you, it is not her, things just change. You haven't done anything wrong. I got angry myself in a situation like this with a best friend, I was forever trying to figure out why that square peg could not fit into that round hole anymore WHY WHY WHY??? It was torture after a while. I finally stopped contacting her after a couple of awkward years and she never called me again either....
Some people may think me heartless for stopping contact with her finally, but when being with someone leaves you less than you were before them, it is time to re evaluate the relationship.
2006-09-22 22:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by turtle girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People change their affiliations all the time and in doing so change their belief structure. You should watch the movie "Same Time Next Year" to see it demonstrated. Of course she is becomeing more dogmatic. Religion is normally dogmatic in design. The question is are you strong enough in your convictions to teach her otherwise. You left out the marriage problems. That leaves us without any meat on this bone, so to speak. If we knew what was her situation we could better judge what steps she should take other than religious counseling. In the past it has been my experience that people that focus on religion to solve all their problems quie often become heretical in their beliefs wrapping themselves up too tightly in the dogma and not interpreting the context in which the dogma was written. After all, these are not religious scholars debating theology here. These are laymen looking for guidance in a difficult time. And, if you go to a church and ask for help you should always be prepared for members of that church to try and mold you in their own image. That is what they do. It is all they do.
2006-09-23 17:55:41 · answer #3 · answered by LORD Z 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same thing happened to me.I am sorry.I do not know if this will happen to you but for me I learned you have to change to please them or be true to yourself,be who you are and if you feel you are doing what is right that is all you can do.It is sad but the two friends i had no longer speak to me.they do not hate me but they found something else to take the place of a best friend.
2006-09-22 13:03:46 · answer #4 · answered by david_hellinger 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sit down and talk to her about how you feel. If she is not willing to change than your just going to have to leave it at that. My best friend is like that to. I just don't talk about anything that can be related to god. I mean sometimes I have talked about god with her, but it's an endless conversation. I believe in god, I'm just not as in to it as she is. And i thinks it's ok. But if she starts judging you then, your probably going to have to end the friendship.
2006-09-22 13:04:05 · answer #5 · answered by Piper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is she still with the other guy. well actually that doesn't matter. she is probably going through a hard time with this orther guy or the issue of the baby and u are her security to make everything better. and u say u r with someone too. run and don't look back at this woman. u will always be her safety net if u don't.
2006-09-22 13:04:11 · answer #6 · answered by Tam 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should talk with her, let her know that you love her above all. if she does change to the point that is hurting your relationship, you may chose to stay away for a while. sorry,
2006-09-22 13:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just keep being there for her, and try to change how you are towards her. she is a big girl and can choose to be how she wants, you either have to support her, or stop seeing her, and that would be a shame for both of you
2006-09-22 13:12:49 · answer #8 · answered by Dan G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her exactly what you told us, she will understand where your coming from if your honest and let her know your thoughts.
2006-09-22 13:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by arreis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SHE IS INDEPENDENT SHE DOESN'T YOU TO KNOW THATS
SHE HAVING PROBLEMS. GIVE HER TIME, SHE WILL COME AROUND AND LISTEN TO YOU.'
2006-09-22 13:01:31 · answer #10 · answered by Tonia G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋