The Veil Of darkness
If it were easy to show who you are,
Pretending to be different people over and over again
Our souls are growing cold; our hearts are left in the darkness
The veil of darkness hides us
Lost in realms and dreams
We seek the light of guidance
Except that it died as our characters exist no more
The veil of darkness covers us.
We are like the living dead
Craving for deliverance
With a frozen heart
Sacrificing what we have
Sorrow is our friend
We are so hollow
For so we are lifeless
By the veil of darkness, we are deceased.
Our lives are black and white
We are those who are mad and sad
Yet we survive death
The veil of darkness blinds us.
Blinded by darkness
We see no light thus we see what is killing us
Loneliness, the reason to commit suicide
The veil of darkness kills us.
Sister moon is our best friend
Sister sun is the perfect enemy
We hide who we are, scared of shame
By the veil of darkness, we are frightened.
2006-09-22 05:47:37 · 18 answers · asked by ? 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
If we can show our feeling
If the walls could talk, you would know that I am out of control
My world is coming to its end, not a glimpse of hope
The Veil of Darkness will erase us for eternity
Our bed is our grave
The scent of blame is what we smell out of the crimson flowers
Intoxicating memories lie beyond the carcass
The Veil of darkness suffocates us
A breath of the icy fog
It burns our souls
Summer is a foe
Winter is an acquaintance
The veil of darkness is our coffin
The veil of darkness
A veil of sorrow and madness
A shelter for the undead
It kills who we are
2006-09-22 05:48:27 · update #1
Triastus - I am jealous of your talent. I write a little bit but your poem puts me to shame. Beautiful, dark and deeply touching. I love it and shall keep it and read it over and over again. Well done, keep writing....................
2006-09-22 05:57:39 · answer #1 · answered by thomasrobinsonantonio 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its okay....u should try and fix it up just a lil...u should use other words instead of ones that u repeated so many times...i write poems too but u shouldnt worry about what other people think...nobody could tell u the thoughts that are going to your head and how u are feeling..u have tofigure that out urself...the way i see it is that when i write my poems i write what is on my mind and how im feeling ...i dont care if its good or not...
2006-09-22 12:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i thinks its very good.. i like the way youve changed the ending each time with veil of darkness but each 1 is different ... excellent ...altho sad
2006-09-22 12:53:35 · answer #3 · answered by she wolf. 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a little rough. Try revising it. Use a thesaurus. Change some of the words you've used over and over such as darkness.
2006-09-22 12:50:22 · answer #4 · answered by radleyfain 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i loved it and no it's no long ..... all the good poems r long ..... umm keep on writing some day u'll end writing in 3-4 lines the esence of an entire poem
2006-09-22 13:01:16 · answer #5 · answered by ChErRy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good wording, good diction. A little long and repetitive but a solid message is felt and communicated. Keep at it , you are very good.
2006-09-22 12:57:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it's a little lengthy-makes it lose its effectiveness. It's all right, I get what you're trying to say but it's a little too cookie-cutter goth for me.
2006-09-22 12:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's great. Yes, it's a little long, but it's great and I can relate to it alot
2006-09-22 12:51:53 · answer #8 · answered by I think... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's beautiful. had you written it previously or did you think of it all on the spot?
2006-09-22 13:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by vampgirlgcl27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you'll find it's dreadful
Bad as bad can be
But not as truly awful
As one that comes from me.
2006-09-22 12:51:45 · answer #10 · answered by Essex Ron 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋