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Should women in this day and age still be subservient? I ask this serious question as I went to visit my older sister yesterday who a couple of years ago married a man who earns a good wage. They have 4 children, well 5 if you count him and she is totally subservient to him. He talks to her like she's the biggest piece of crap and she thinks this is acceptable. He does nothing in the house at all including DIY and painting and expects her to take his shoes off when he comes in from work! I'm single and she says the reason for that is I'm not a subservient woman. Is it me or is this what married women do? IS she a numptie or what???

2006-09-22 05:26:55 · 33 answers · asked by ? 3 in Social Science Gender Studies

It's my business Angel wing, When I have to drive 400 miles to decorate her bedroom, hall and stairs and 2 bathrooms because he has been transfered to another part of the country and they are selling the house. And where is he? Playing golf

2006-09-22 05:41:34 · update #1

33 answers

Your sister is an idiot. I have been married for 10 years and never ever been subservient! My husband and I are equals. If anything he treats me like a queen, never a slave.

2006-09-22 05:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 4 2

i imagine personality selection has to do with persons, no longer gender. some women "positioned on the pants" proper? those days there are shared commonplace jobs and distinct couples see one yet another as equals. i'm a housewife and performance been for 2 months now, and we've a aspect the position he makes the money. properly, he nonetheless values my opinion and that i'm no longer subservient. I do merely distinct issues that are more advantageous relaxing and that i are not any further making money. oh yeah, my husband is a guy in finished, very confident, no longer insecure in any respect. And he's thoughtful, beneficiant, and loving :) he's acceptable. I also opt to operate that if I had some form of occupation purpose he'd be at liberty with that, too. I have a diploma i do not use yet when i had to he'd be supportive and merely as satisfied as continually. the point is that it really is truly more advantageous about 2 human beings being like minded no count number what they do for a residing or specialist vs subservient.

2016-11-23 15:17:56 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Being subservient is a matter of choice as is the case with your sister.It's not an issue which can be equated to the relationship of other people as the decision solely lies with the one playing the subservient role.
Your sister seems to have accepted that role as normal, so let her be.You should have intervened when she had only 1 child. Any intervention at this stage will prove to be disadvantageous for your sister.If she is happy, I beg you not to spoil their relationship.Just wait until you get married and see how you will fare.
The subservient role doesn't start in marriage, but during the girlfriend/boyfriend stage.During this stage it will be latent and the girl will feel proud to be doing chores for her boy.When the relationship enters into marriage, the woman will still be considering the chores as normal unless if she points it out to her husband.If she doesn't then the man will take advantage of that and continues with his lazy role.
Yes, she is a numptie and appears to be enjoying herself so steer clear of your sister's relationship.What matters is her happiness and not yours.

2006-09-23 04:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by marizani 4 · 1 0

There is a big difference between subservient and being treated like OJ Simpson's wife, my dear. No one should be treated or talked to like they are "the biggest piece of crap", as you mentioned. That is just wrong and she must have low self esteem. Married women in Pakistan may behave this way and tolerate this, but not any normal woman with self worth in this country.

2006-09-22 07:06:27 · answer #4 · answered by aquarian77 3 · 2 0

I don't have anything against women who are subservient as they are wonderful people, but your sister's situation sounds like emotional abuse. She just doesn't see it that way. Unfortunately, there probably isn't much you can do. I mean, even if she gets away, YOU are always going to be the one who broke up her marriage. How well will that go over with the rest of the family?

So frankly, the only thing you can do is keep in close contact so she knows you are always there for her. Look for signs of physical abuse, of course, and be there if she ever sees the truth.

2006-09-22 05:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by snvffy 7 · 3 0

You need to make sure you have all of the facts first. I am a stay a home mom with four kids. My Husband has an excellent job, we built our house and paid cash for our cars (2001 Suburban and 1999 Dodge Intrepid). He pays all of the bills and then some. I enjoy taking care of my husband, and in return he takes care of me financially, emotionally, and physically. I don't expect him to cook dinner, wash dishes or laundry, or do any indoor work. But he is not out playing golf either. He does the yard work, takes care of any/all repairs that our home and cars may need. He also comes home and goes out to work on our properties with any upkeep they may need. We have been married more than 7 years. It may look to other people that I may be subservient to him, but that is not the case at all. We have found a way to keep our household running smoothly as well as our marriage. We are equals in parenting, financial decisions ect...I have no complaints. Before you judge you need to make sure your sister that your is happy with her life, if you do comfront her and she is miserable, then make sure you can offer her some advice for changing her life or leaving her husband. Good luck with that.

2006-09-22 06:28:10 · answer #6 · answered by Not the one for you! 3 · 2 0

it depends on if she truly enjoys being like that. perhaps he married her as she has always been like that with him. perhaps he has mind washed her into thinking its "how it should be" or "that's the only choice" she has. maybe they are playing a submissive, dominant game, privately, if you know what i mean. a lot of couples out there who enjoy, what we would call "kinky" relationships, to the full. known as a 24/7 sub/Dom relationship.
i think its way too much that she does the decorating though. looking after two kids (as i do, three counting my lazy bf), is hard work enough! let alone five. she is one brave lady. and should be admired, greatly. (cept the submissive bit of coarse)
so yes she is a numpty in my opinion. i would never go that far, ever!
try taking her out for coffee or some lunch, ask her if she is happy etc. the least you could do is be supportive, then if she is unhappy with it all, she may find the courage to stand up for herself.

I just read the additional bits...oh my fcuking god! she should loose him! convince her she misses being near you too much and the rest of family and friends. then help find her somewhere to live. just don't tell the jerk. use his credit cards etc to pay for it.

2006-09-22 05:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by Kerrie-anne 2 · 1 1

Hello Nina,

Nina it must be awful for you to have to witness this man treating your sister in this way. Who knows why women allow men to treat them so badly. It may be that she likes it and finds her security in his actions. I suppose you have to remember that not all men treat women this badly and you shouldn't let it put you off. Its really hard i know to stand back and see a person you love under the control of someone you don't really like. Perhaps you could just make sure you try to build her up when your with her by telling her when you think she's doing well and encouraging her to do the things you know she's good at. xx i hope you can build her up. Ring her every week

2006-09-22 07:36:14 · answer #8 · answered by : 6 · 1 1

I consider myself to be a feminist and by being that I think that a woman has a right to choose her role in society. If your sister chooses to be a homemaker who takes care of her family and husband I don't see anything wrong with it. She is making the choices that bring her joy and those may not be the same choices that you would make. However, you have to remember that woman like her are the ones who fought for women like you to have the right to make different choices.

2006-09-22 05:33:16 · answer #9 · answered by Jeni_Li 2 · 4 0

They have a dysfunctional thing going on, and it apparently works for her.

Ignore it. Just make it good and clear to her that you see her situation as dysfunctional and KNOW it isn't the way healthy relatinships are. Let her know you aren't going to listen to her ideas about why you're single and find a nice way to tell her that you're not interested in settling for any nutcase-moron just to be married or benefit from his income.

The key thing in what you've said is that he talks to her like she's crap. Love involves respect and admiration. Whatever other dysfunctional and bizarre little thing they have going may be their twisted little business, but the talking her like she's crap thing is a dead give-away that the situation is malignant.

2006-09-22 06:35:30 · answer #10 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0 1

NO. Your sis has got a problem. Was she spineless before she was married? If she wasn't there are bigger issues here. Could be physical abuse but definately mental abuse if she thinks that is normal. You need to talk to her about it. Marriage is a partnership not a me-ship.

This married woman would never settle for that. Don't let her rook you into thinking that's what marriage is like. I do things for my hubby & vice versa. Never the shoe thing...that is demeaning.

She is doing a disservice to her children because they will do the same thing. We need self-respecting women not self-defeating & insecure.

2006-09-22 05:45:45 · answer #11 · answered by jillette 4 · 3 1

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