Me and my wife have been talking about swinging and swapping , Does anyone have any advice on this ?

Answer 1

I am married, bi and I am a shared wife. I can help you with some pieces of advice. Feel free to contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

First of all, don't let other people force their morality on you. If you want to get into swinging I think the best way is to find a nice club with a laid back atmosphere. That's how my husband and I got into the lifestyle 3 years ago (we've been married 6) and we're very happy. You should check out www.nasca.com, it's the swingers association web page, they have links to all kinds of clubs all across the country. Clubs are great because they have security and lots of people (meeting people off the internet is risky, there are some real weirdos out there!) Also, some clubs will allow singles in and some are strictly couples only. And, sex is not mandatory at any of them.
You should both set any ground rules that you have before you go, talk about it alot and try to come up with lots of different scenarios and how you would handle them. Also, you should have code. If you're talking to a couple and you're interested but she's not then you need to have the "no way, not on your life" signal. Ours is a ear pull.
Just make sure you're both comfortable with what's going on, and take it at your own pace. I know couples who have been in the lifestyle for years but still only soft swap (no actual intercourse, just oral and petting) And, most swingers are really friendly people who are more than willing to answer any questions you might have. Well, good luck, and have fun you guys. :)

Answer 3

We were in the lifestyle last year and had a great time. We both had moments where we weren't comfortable, but after we talked about the scenarios and came to an agreement, everything was fine. It all depends on the couple. Those who want to get on their moral soap box will tell you otherwise, but the truth is that both of you have to be open & honest about why you want to try it. However, I will tell you that there are many "clicks" within the swinger community. Many swingers claim to be open-minded, but prejudices and social status still find their way into many of the clubs as well. Single males in the lifestyle are typically frowned upon and you'll see many profiles with "No Single Males" in them. However, single bi-females are considered the "Unicorns" of lifestyle by many and a large number of couples place "looking for single bi-fem" in their profiles. We've never had a problem with single guys and have had more problems with bi-fem's, but that's just us. There is also a problem with pushy couples who expect you to have sex on the first date. They call themselves "Serious Swingers" or "Hardcore" Swingers. Just make sure both of you agree on what you're comfortable with. The majority of the community is very friendly and it's been an enjoyable experience for us. I know swinging couples who have had marriages last over 20 years vs. deeply religious couples who only lasted less than 5. So don't worry about those who say you don't really love or cherish each other if you "swing". They simply can't grasp the concept & that is okay because this is not a lifestyle that everyone can accept. Do what is right for the both of you.

You can check out www.swinglifestyle.com & www.swappernet.com to find more information about swinging clubs in your area.

Answer 4

First of all, I have a very serious problem with that.. based on personal opinions and beliefs.

I do not believe for one moment that anything good can or will come of something like that.

How can anyone (male or female) be "okay" with seeing their spouse being intimate with another person??

I'm sorry, but I really feel that if anyone can say that they think it is a "good idea", then they are so incredibly mistaken.. and I would see that as more than enough cause to question their true feelings for their spouse, whom they are supposed to love. No matter how you look at it, or even if you both agree on it.. it is still being unfaithful. It is adultery, and the person(s) doing it, are making such a horrible mochary of what their vows stand for.

I'm sorry, but if you and your wife are even considering doing something like that, it says a whole lot about where you are in your marriage. True, you may love your wife.. but if it was real and true love.. you would not even halfway consider "sharing" her, which is basically what you are thinking about doing.

I do not agree with the idea of "swinging" and I feel very strongly that if two people are in love, there would be no interest in rolling around in bed with someone else.

I hope and pray that you two come to your senses about this, and stop fosusing on what is nothing more than just lustful desires.. and put some real effort and meaning into your marriage.

Obviously the choice is up to you and your wife.. but just remember, once you take that first step, things will never be the same again..

I don't say these things to sound critical, or judgemental.. I just sincerely wish for couples to focus on their relationship, and to put an end to the idea that by bringing someone else in, that it would somehow be "fun" or "make things better". That just isn't so.. I really hope that both of you will see that there just isn't a need for that, especially within a marriage, which is supposed to be about two people in love, clinging to one another.

Take care, and God bless! You're in my prayers.

Answer 5

Most people think it will spice up their sex life or it is just another way to except fooling around. Truth is all people think about but few act on it. If you both truly examine your reasons for considering doing it and completely honest and communicate the ground rules and leave the option open to stop at any time then Iam sure the chances of problems will be much less. But there will always be a risk to your relationship.

Answer 6

this is something for you two, to really think about, even though it's consensual between the both of you it's still cheating, and if you decide to do it the trust that you all did/do have for one another will be lost because both of you are going to think that the other is still creeping, trust me this is really not a good idea. Go to a novelty store and try some of the things in there before you decide to swing and swap. You both maybe happier in the end.

Answer 7

Swinging can help or hurt a marriage depends on so many factors. In ours it helped. It opened our communication and trust for each other. I have seen it hurt. Swinging is NOT a bandage for a bad marriage. I wish all those with a bad marriage would stay out of it; it gives swingers a bad image. Most are very stable and happy couples that tend to have free spirits that don’t rely on western civilization or religion to give them morals.

Answer 8

If they are willing to swing with you, they have swung with others. You are in bed with everyone they have been in bed with. Not really great if you hope to avoid STD's, AIDS etc. (And they all think it won't happen to them..... yah, sure....) And how sad for your marriage. Marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust. Apparently your marriage doesn't have many of those elements.... sorry for you, guy..... It is also sexually exclusive. Many swingers' marriages don't last very long after this happens...... The specialness of marriage seems to get eroded, and most split up before three years are up.

Answer 9

i have a good friend that had a good marriage."had"
well anyway they started swinging,next thing u know they were going behind each others backs and having sex with that "swinging partner".now they are married no more.
me and my girl have been together for 13 years.we have talked about having other people join us in the bed room.after many discussions we both agree that it will not be good for our relationship.
little things might come into your mind.
"does she like it better than mine?"
"does he like her better than me?"
and like i said ur partner might start doing things behind ur back.
you know it is all up to you "as a couple" to sit and re4ally discuss this before u take any actions.
that would be my advice.
take it for whats it worth.

Answer 10

you have to set CLEAR boundaries before you get into this. And they HAVE to be respected. You really have to talk through all of the scenarios and which ones you are both comfy with and which ones you aren't. If any concept makes one or the other uncomfortable, you MUST NOT DO IT, it will ruin your marriage.

And always use condoms!!