SAHM offended by working moms' comment?

Question

I too did both work and now SAHM and TRUST ME sahm's job is so much more than a working mom. What do you do all day meet a quota and pray not to get fired...what a stressful job. How about caring for lives constantly; while they are screaming in your ear and you can't get fired or quit. SAHM do the same you do if not more ......FOR FREE!!! Gotta go Barney is going off, Teletubbies is on PBS and the toddlers can't change it themselves, what's burning....THE HOT DOGS or DRYER (2nd load today)

Answer 1

I too am a SAHM, with a 3 year old son (he will be 4 this December). I feel like I have been incredibly blessed, as I've been a SAHM since my son was born. It's a very joyous, and rewarding expierence, and I wouldn't change it for anything! I love it, I truly do.

But of course, just because it works for me (as well as MANY others) doesn't mean that it is, or should be right for every Mom. There are all kinds of different circumstances and situations that go into a Mother's decision to be a working Mom, or a SAHM. Either way she goes, she is still a Mom. We are all Mom's, blessed with wonderful, beautiful children. We all have very important roles in our children's lives. And just because one Mother may choose to continue working, and another may enjoy the life of staying home with the children.. that does not make one's role as a Mother, more important or better than the other.

We are all on the same team here, and I really wish that the animosity that seems to exist between the working Mom's and the SAHM's could just disappear completely. It's like either way you go, no matter what your choice, or what cause you have for making your choice.. there will always be someone there to point there finger, telling you that you should stay home with the kids (if you choose to work) or that you need to "get a job" (if you are a SAHM). It's unfair, to both sides.. Sometimes it may seem like we SAHM's get more of the comments, but I think it may just seem that way to us, because we tend to take things more personally when it feels like someone is attacking our own choices in life. But believe me, working Mother's have to deal with the same amount of grief from others who think that they should have made a different decision. So you see.. there is really no reason for us to feel like we're on opposing teams. We are all Mother's and we are all just trying to do the best we can, given our own personal situation and circumstances.

I don't think I would try to claim that because I choose to stay home with my precious son, that my "job" is harder than that of a career woman who spends 8 to 12 hours in the office daily. Sure, there are exceptions.. and I'm sure that what I do in a day, would be thought of as "harder" than that of a woman who's only job may consist of sitting at a desk, typing numbers into a computer. But even that assumption wouldn't be fair. We cannot and do not know anything about what goes on when she gets home. For all we know, that same woman who sits at the desk, typing numbers all day.. she may have problems with a husband who doesn't seem interested in helping her out at home, or maybe there is no husband/boyfriend.. and she's all alone with everything. She would have to work all day, pick up her children from daycare, and then spend hours cleaning house, while trying her hardest to spend as much quality time with her kids as she can. And then on the next day, it's the same thing again.. I think anyone would have to agree that anyone in that situation (or most others, that was just an example..) have just as much to do (if not more, if everything is on her with no help) as those of us who are at home all day. And just the same, there are also SAHM's who, while they may be home all day.. they make the choice to place their children in front of the television, rather than taking the time to read them a good book. Or maybe they just drop the kids off with someone, so they can "go out with the girls" or whatever it is.. There's really no way of knowing for sure, unless you are the one who is either working/staying at home.

So, I feel that it is extremely unfair for anyone to try to make an assumption that if you're a working Mom, that you must "have it easy" or that you "neglect your kids" or that if you are a SAHM, that you are "lazy" or that you "need a job". One idea just doesn't fit everyone. So, while there may be some people out there who fit those stereotypes and assumptions, that is definately not the case for everyone.

Now, after sharing many of my own thoughts on the subject, especially since I too deal with some of the unwelcome comments.. I would like to answer your question...

No, I am not offended by the comments made by working Mom's. In all honesty, I have recieved more unwelcome comments from either women/girls without children.. or by guys who just assume that's how things are, based on whatever they've been told. It may be unfair, and it's certainly not a joyful expierence.. but I don't take offense to it. I really believe that if a person was educated properly (whether it be by school, relatives, or a friend) about the similarities and differences between being a working Mom, or a SAHM.. then they would see things in a completely new light. So, rather than getting upset or offended when someone says something that may come off as rude in regards to whether we have a "job" or not.. we should really put more effort into giving that person a very short (but polite) response.. cause to be honest, I think that many (if not most) of the people who say things, they're just curious why we do what we do. So I think we should be able to give a good, confident response that shows that we know it's the right choice for us. It's a whole lot better, and more effective.. than rolling our eyes and mumbling some rude comment back at them. All that says is that we've got an attitude problem.. and well, that doesn't exactly make us come off as a Mom who is happy and proud of what she's doing.

I believe the answer to this common problem is very simple.. We (Mother's in general) need to stop judging each other, and instead.. join forces and help each other out. We need to make an effort to be more supportive and encouraging to one another.

God bless!

Answer 2

There will always be some disagreements between working and stay at home Moms. Everyone that works has a challenge. Some are better fit for this job or that than others. Everyone responds to things differently. I have worked for the last 17 years, I have a 13 year old and a baby due in 2 weeks. I work now, am going on 12 week maternity leave and sincerely thinking about not working anymore until my baby is in school, but then only working part time until they're all in college because I believe teens need a parent or both at home just as much as a baby. Just be grateful where you are in what you do and forget what outsiders say. They know what you do is valid, maybe they couldn't do it like you do. It is unfair to speak from where you haven't been. You've done both and if you're happy, then great. Forget everyone else.

Answer 3

Not sure about what the comment was, but a sahm is hard, but a working mom is harder! They have to do all the things a sahm mom does, plus at an full time job to it! There are only 24 hours a day and we have to work 8 of them or more and then come home and take care of the household and then find time to sleep! I have nothing against a sahm mom, but the a working mom has more to deal with!

Answer 4

I too was offended by that comment. I was a SAHM and a working mom also at one point. I am currently a SAHGM (grandma) while the parents are deployed overseas. It totally brings back how hard those days are being home and trying to do the best. I am a medical professional by trade and I will tell you, when you work full time with kids, one of them if not both takes a hit. You cannot do both to the fullest degree. It is easier to go to work and let someone else raise your child. To do either job well, it takes total committment. Anyone who rags on SAHMs is mostly just jealous. Those little precious times that you get during the day don't exist when you work.

Answer 5

I was also both. Right now I am working and I have 1 child in high school, 1 in Elementary and 1 in preschool. I am so all over the place , I get up at 5:00 am to workout, go to work all day, come home cook dinner 5 nights a week and find time to do a load of laundry and clean house whenever I get a free moment. When I was a stay at home mom, I made the beds everyday, dishes were done and put away, laundry was always done and house clean,and I still had time to go to the gym before I picked up my older kids from school. It was the easiest job I ever had and I loved every minute.

Answer 6

whats the question? anyway both have advantages and dis advantages in general I think SAHM tend to be more stressed as parents have less social contact with other adults tend to be less happy with life. YES ITS HARDER then a 9-5 job not always as fulfilling or rewarding it's a thankless job. I've done both got very depressed and overweight staying at home with kids who were only 2 years apart I was not a happy person that effects my marriage my self image my feeling of worth. It was nice to be there for the 1st stuff and to not pay day care it was very demanding and over whelming.

Answer 7

What was the working moms' comment??
I'm a SAHM,and I have also done both. In my opinion, working is easier. You have an outlet, plus you get to make $ doing it! And you have someone else to play with your kids, change diapers, and feed them all day, so it makes that part of being a mom less trying, because you feel you've done something "other" than that all day. Sure, I chose to be a mom, but it's very stressful doing nothing other than changing shi*ty diapers, feeding, cleaning, chasing toddlers, doing laundry NONSTOP, running a taxi service., etc. Truth be known, I watch maybe 10 min. of TV per day (after kids are asleep at night) Everyone is different, and no one should judge until you've walked in the others' shoes. Actually, going to a job would be like a "break" for me. If I had a job, I know I would be sooo anxious to see my kids when I got home, rather than dread the chaos like some working moms do!

Answer 8

All moms (who do as they're supposed to) work hard. Not just SAHMs. If I could meet a SAHM who did not make so many assumptions about other people, and who could explain what their religion is, what is has to do with everything, then I would probably never get offended.

I don't know who offended you recently, but if you're like another SAHM here, you might check to see if you've insulted the working mom by calling her names or assuming things about her.

Answer 9

I have four children of my own and I run a day care out of my home. So does that mean I'm pulling a triple/double shift? My business is open from 6am to 6pm. At 6:01 I'm back to being just a mom. I have a husband but I do all the child rearing. I cook all our meals, do laundry, raise the kids, clean the house, and OH MY GOD that's not even the half of it. So can someone please call Oprah and tell her I need a vacation.

Answer 10

I completely understand!!! I used to work full-time and now am a "sahm." For me it was way easier to work full-time. The kinds of stress as work were totally different from the kinds of stress at home. And at the end of the day you get to leave you work and work. At home, you never get away. There are no set hours to prevent paying overtime. At home there's no pay for overtime, but a lot of overtime. Don't get me wrong, I love being at home with my kids, but sometimes I would love to go back to work and let my hubby stay home with the kiddies.

I agree both are important, staying home and working. But the stresses are different for everyone. But I definitely think that if at all possible staying home is the most important thing to do, extra stress and all. I had to work because I had no other choice as do a lot of moms. Now I am very blessed to be able to be home. You do what you have to do for your family, we all need to respect that. Let's quit pitting sahm's against working mom's. We need to respect the responsibilites of both!!