my husband left after 14 yrs of marriage with no explanation, now wants a divorce?

Question

I thought I new this man, but guess I dont. I have to children one is 17mon and the other is 11. He left me with the house and all the bills that go with it. I have a restraining order on him. I have been served with a motion of temporary orders from him.. I have to be in court on the 25th of sept. He is trying to take me for everything, and leave us with nothing. I ran into him at court about the restraining order, he couldnt even look at me he had to hide behind his lawyer. The only thing this man cares about his himself and money. I got my self a lawyer, but I dont know how this will go in court. He wants joint custody of the kids, he cant take care of himself let alone the kids. He hasnt seen them in months. What to do! This person is sick in the head, How to I take him over the coals. He owns his own buisness but I think he is hiding stuff. He has done nothing but use my 11 year old daughter as a tool to get to me. Shes emotionally a reck.

Answer 1

Hire a private investigator to see if he is hiding something. My guess is that he is up to something. Don't just sit there and take it. I'm sorry about what you and your children are going through.

Answer 2

Get your daughter into counseling ASAP...as for "raking" him over the coals, be careful revenge is not pretty when it comes back to bit you. And it will if you don't watch it. I hear the pain and the suffering he has caused, but let Karma handle that for you. You just need to talk to your attorney and possibly an Arbitration specialist would really help with the children, your ex, and you to find a solution to the problems before you actually go to court. You can have your attorney request this along with a court ordered business analyst who can go through his books at his company and they would be able to tell you if he is hiding money in there or not.
Good Luck and God Bless
PS Don't for get that you will need some counseling also.

Answer 3

Divorce is REALLY difficult. I feel terrible for you. But, I am going to tell you as I read it, via what you wrote...and I hope I don't offend you, because all in all, it's just my honest opinion and you requested it. ;o)

Divorce can be equvelated to death in the family, becuase a mate leaves forever.

Using children to get to each other is common. When you go to court, a judge is going to decide to split custody, and there is no legal reason he should not. He owns a business...well, he's got a perfect legal and moral right to half the time with his daughter. I often hear women state that the man can't have their children half time for various reasons...well, children who grow up without fathers are more likely to commit crime. It is a fact. I do not see any single statement in your letter to prove to me that he does not deserve his child. To prove this, you will have to prove he's a bad father. Can you do that? Can you prove he has no right to her and that his rights as a parent should be terminated? That requires abuse and/or neglect as well as domestic violence toward the child.

If you love your daughter, stop doing your part in using her as a pawn against him...it takes two to tango.

He left you, but who knows why? If he's hiding, then he's afraid of something. Find out what it is. Use it in court. If it's another woman, which is what I would guess it is, then take her to court, subpoena her, bring photos, video of them leaving his business together, any ammo you can bring.

The main thing I would tell the judge, if it were me, is that you have resided in the home for 14 years, and you are the mother of the children, who requires the home to raise the children in so that they do not suffer any further trauma, and you require the vehicle for transportation for medical purposes, etc.

Also, bring all the bills. He legally owes half the bills until you are divorced.

Women have a really hard time parting with "things" because they think they will retain the husband one minute further if they have something he wants. Those "things" often inlcude children, houses, furniture, money...but, he's gone, and he's not coming back.

Only fight over what you need, not what you want, and only over what you feel is half of the estate. Not more. No judge is going to find in favor of more, unless you owned the house when you two got married...then it's going to be a legal half and half, possibly. If either spouse owned the house prior to marriage, they will get the house. No court dissolves a marriage without regard for the law, which clearly stipulates that if a spouse has a house prior to marriage, unless the other spouse can prove they paid off the house, did modifications and improvements for the 14 years, etc., they will not win in court.

Why do you have a restraining order on him? Is he violent? Did he threaten to harm you and your child? If so, then there is a lot more to this story than you are telling us, and those are valid reasons to dissolve his parental rights.

The part that makes me think there is a lot more to this is where you ask us, who answer you honestly from our hearts, "how to take him over the coals".

Whoah. That is a wrong way of thinking. Did it ever dawn on you that he may be hiding, because he's AFRAID? You don't sound like a very reasonable person. Sorry, I call it as I see it.

Whatever happens...you have got to stop using your child as a pawn. You say he is using her? It takes TWO to tango, honey. That little girl will be 18 someday. She will recollect this entire event, whether you distort it for her or not, her mind will cypher through and will recall this event and if you put yourself in the position to become the one who will be blamed later for everything, you will have issues with your own daughter.

Either way, I am so sorry you are going through this.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Wel, I know you don't think so right now, but this is a blessing in disguise.
Anybody who would do this to his children is not right in the head. If he can treat you so badly, and not care, you are better off knowing it before you spend another minute trying to hold your life together.
Call a women's shelter or a local college and talk to the Women's Studies personnel. They will know who the local bull-dog lawyer is. You want a bastard with a chip on his shoulder against men who hurt innocent women and children. Women lawyers are especially good for this task.
Hire a PI to track him a few days. Could be worth thousands in court.
Change the locks on your house if you haven't already. Watch your children closely- and get them in counselling--even through a church or the Y. Anything!!!
There is life after this ---You will be doing yourself a great favor, and your children also--to appreciate that you can survive this, and be free to continue a better life with your children after. Don't play the victim or teach your kids how to suffer --teach them to be strong, smart and forgiving.
ALL of you can be better people for this experience---I promise!
Do not date anyone --or even go for coffee--he may be having YOU followed. Do not say anything mean to or about him-he may be having YOU taped. Be clean as a whistle until you are DIVORCED !! Don't give him anything to use.
Take 1/2 the money out of savings and checking. It is yours.
Good luck to you. Email me for moral support anytime.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like you need to get him before he gets you. Get everything you can out of him financially, get you and your children out of the house ASAP and get some counseling for you and the kids. You are leaving out some details which only leads me to believe that there are a lot of other things going on for restraining orders to be going back and forth between you two.

As far as joint custody, let him have visitation on a court ordered basis. If he is as sick in the head as you say he is, the court will find out about it. Divorces are messy and they bring out the worst in people so be careful.

Good luck.

Answer 6

This guy is a loser. Anybody that uses the kids to get back at their spouse in a divorce is just a low life. You are right... he is selfish and only thinking about himself. I hope you have a good lawyer. Get the divorce and get as much as you can... don't give in because you think it's not worth the fight. Whatever papers or stuff he left behind.... go through them and give anything that will prove your points to your lawyer. Good Luck

Answer 7

WOW!!! you have to recondition your 11 yr old. let her realize that YOU ARE THE one taking care of her. That daddy is mean and nasty. *** it it's the truth. meanwhile go online and find the nearest OCSE office of child support enforcement. tell them that you have an order of protection against him and that you want your funds to be direct deposit. also go to the human resources and apply for medicad so you can have free medical and medicine for your children. if you are working they will give you an hmo and you will probaly be elgible too. if you are in ny this is how it works. if you need more info let me know. i am dealing with the same thing so to speak. i know the ropes. oh and if he has a restraining order he doesn't get joint custody because he is VIOLENT. IF YOU NEED ASST EMAIL me direct [e-mail] dont let the system screw you okay. you have rights. and if the azzholes against you realize that you dont know certain things it will wipe you OUT! so you must do what you are doing now! venting and communicating. some of these men have treacherous lawyers. SHREWD, CRAFTY, MANIPULATORS ETC.... BE WISE... GET THEM BEFORE THEY GET YOU! (WINK)

Answer 8

getting a lawyer was the right move, now i would have the 11yo evaluated by a psychologist and use the result of that evaluation as proof that your ex is not fit to handle children. consult every move with your lawyer before hand its the only way to make sure that whatever you do will Be help full in court. Good luck.

Answer 9

Wow - I feel for you, Sister. My ex-husband did the same thing to me except I was pregnant at the time. I had no job, no car and was left with the mortgage and all the bills, too. I found it very helpful to talk to a counselor - I went through the church and it was very affordable. I saw a priest once a week for over a year and God Bless Him! It might be helpful for your daughter, as well.

The legal stuff...well, it won't be easy. I hope you have a good attorney and leave the legal stuff to him/her. Obviously, he abandoned you and your children - strike one against him there. Unfortunately, the climate of custody these days is to give both parents joint custody with one parent having physical custody, unless you can prove him unfit. Don't sweat that, though. Usually, they are gung-ho on visitation until it starts impinging on THEIR single life.

It's possible that he is seeing another woman. Men don't leave their nest unless there is another nest he can fly to.

The best to you, Sweetie.

Answer 10

you have a lawyer . does your lawyer know all this ? tell them he hasn't seen the kids . everyone in your shoes thinks this and he is probably saying the same about you the best advice i can give you is emotions make you crazy get emotionless and think without emotions involued. i was involued with something and us women tend too do this . i could of done much better if i was in controll. just do the best you can as your kids future depends on it . i think hes probably met someone else and yes wants it all. i found out they really don't care about the kids like moms do some could but in this case . i don't think so.

Answer 11

Im really sorry to hear that. Keep going to court and take everything he has got. If he owns his own buisness you should be getting alot out of the divorce. Do everything you can to keep him away from your kids,,,and take all his money. What a piece of **** you married honey. Fight him in court until your death.