My sister left her abusive husband about 2 weeks ago. They have a child together. This is really hard on her. I am doing my best to try to cheer her up. Last night I had to take away her keys because she wanted to go back to him (she made me promise I wouldn't let her go back). It was a tough situation and she was mad at first, then she snapped back to reality. How do I cheer her up? Has anyone else been in this situation? What helped you?
2006-09-22 01:42:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going thru that right now. I went back the first time and in the end I lost a year of moving forward. Now I am worse off than I would have been then.
Things that cheer me up are activities, friends, family with lots of laughter. People try to cheer me up but I am still sad inside. The process and going thru it is the most important thing. All your sister needs right now is your support and ear. Maybe she wants to be sad for awhile. She has lost her comfort zone regardless of the abuse, it is what she knew and now she cant see forward. You will not be able to make her see that until she is ready....my suggestion....keep her keys! Love her, hold her, listen to her, and dont give her your opinion or tell her of similar situations...she doesnt care about those she cares about hers. You can make her cheer up by helping her get focused and proactive into building a new life. Protect her she needs you and thats what sisters are for! That what my sisters do for me and I respect and love them for it.
2006-09-22 01:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by kitty h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I have been in a situation like this. It is very hard! Here are some things you might be able to do to help....
First of all she most likely has a bad self esteem because her abuser put her down and made her feel like she is not worth anything... so
try to compliment her and make her feel good about herself and tell her over and over that she deserves someone better.
Another thing is to tell her that she did a very good thing by leaving and that it would be bad to go back with out having boundaries so it doesn't happen again.
Make sure she decides what she will or will not put up with before she goes back. Maybe she can tell him he needs to get counseling first.
Tell her she can find soemone else and she has her whole life ahead of her and it isn't healthy to stay in an abusive relationship.
Also, tell her that abusers always say sorry but usually do it again. You just don't know how long it will be untill he does something again ...
Is she getting counseling? If not get her in FAST. Call an abuse shelter if you need to next time she wants to go back and some offer free counseling and you can call at anytime. Or you could even call them and tell them what you just said.
That was so good to take away the keys! Good job! Sometimes coming from that you don't think rational and need to talk to someone to realize what is really going on. I kept thinking I was going insane because the other person denied the abuse.
Also, try to be a good friend to her and do something fun. if you need to talk to me or if your sister does or you have any more questions ask! love to talk.
thanks
2006-09-22 01:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by tina*21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has to get this right in her head mentally. You can not be there to keep taking her keys to keep her from going back to him. She should get in counseling and realize she has already taken the biggest step by leaving him. FOr the sake of having her child grow up in a healthy household she should be able to STAY away from this guy. Tell her to focus on her child and therapy and having an unabused life that she and her child deserves.
2006-09-22 01:46:42 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for ur sister rite now is good family support like what u r doing. Maybe a good vacation might help too. Try not to pressure her too much, just continue to talk to her not making any decisions for her. Let her be the 1 to do so. As for her wanted to go back to her husbnd i wouldnt advise her to do so, but if that's what she wants then let her. Women is such situation always finds themselves goin back... some does it for their kids, while some for love.... whichever way it's their decision.
Goodluck!
2006-09-22 01:56:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive marriage for 11 years. I went back to him so many times. Everytime it was because I felt out of control of my own life. Pressered by people to do this now and do this you got to get this done in your life. When I did leave him for good it took me at least a year to get myself back to who I was. Be patient loving and supportive..She is having a real hard time fighting with what is in side of herself. I know she cant even think straight about the child. Dont rush her to be happy... Let her do it ... Just keep your eyes on her and let her know you are there......NOTHING IS BETTER THAN JUST LISTENING TO HER TALK.
2006-09-22 01:48:31 · answer #5 · answered by my_hart2hart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only real cure for a broken heart is time. The best thing to do is to give her a shoulder to cry on and be there for her. Take her to the movies, shopping, out to dinner. Sounds like you are a good sister. Keep up the good work.
2006-09-22 01:47:00 · answer #6 · answered by parrothead2371 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take them away somewhere for the wekend and get her mind off of him.......and just be there for her.
Maybe convince her to see and talk to someone from an abusive womens group.
Just listen to her and love her and her child. You sound like a good sister.
2006-09-22 01:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by Joey Bagadonuts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has a child ... she has to think of this child first. She doesn't want her child to see her in a bad relationship. Keep this child busy by going to amusement parks; museums; playgrounds; go to the library and read to the child ... all this will help get her mind off her abusive husband.
2006-09-22 02:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by Daisie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-09-22 01:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
convince her to seek counselling and in the meantime be there for her and listen to her. Take her out for long walks, watch a movie together and maybe ask some friends over for company.
2006-09-22 01:55:45 · answer #10 · answered by trushka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋