2006-09-22 01:20:24 · 17 answers · asked by D 2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Much of the advice seems sensible, but I guess I'll point out something on the other side of things: I'm left wondering why the ex-spouse is good enough to have sex with but not good enough to be committed to.
The marriages that succeed work because both people value the other person as a priority and are focused on giving themselves to the other person. The sex that is involved in that thus is focused on the other person, is a celebration of that person, and works to "cement" the relationship between the two spouses. This is so much the case that negative twists in the relationship easily impact the desire of the couple to have sex (especially, in general, the wives).
When you've stepped back from that, are no longer committed, and have made no promises to give to each other, a mutual sexual relationship seems to be more for oneselves rather than for the other person. The shift here from the other person to oneself is a subtle but harmful one for future relationships.
You've also got the basic truth that having sex with someone joins you with them emotionally and spiritually; the more sex, the more you become interconnected. That's probably why the temptation for sex is still strong with divorced couples -- they are emotionally still intertwined, even if legally they've decided to throw in the towel.
So, continued sex with your ex, with no plans to get back together, will result in probably one of two things: Either a lot of confused feelings for at least one of you because of the constant reaffirmation of your "connection" despite having supposedly moved on, or a numbness to emotional connection in general in order to not experience the pain of that confusion.
In other words, someone's either going to get their feelings hurt, or the emotional distance both of you have to insert in order to "just have sex" without feeling a connection is going to impact negatively to some degree on both your future relationships.
[These harmful effects are long-term, not short-term, so they generally are only noticeable either after you've continued this sexual relationship for a time or until you enter a long-term relationship with a new person.]
Those are the dangers I see in continuing with this sexual relationship. But you need to think through it for yourselves and decide what you're really doing by coming together in this way.
When I assess things, I think overall, if you've both decided to call the marriage "quits," it's better for both people to actually just call it "quits" and move on with your lives.
2006-09-22 02:11:55 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume you are both consenting adults so if it works for the 2 of you, more power to ya. The only thing is it could get messy when you do decide to move on and have someone else in your life. Sounds like you still have feelings for each other. Some people can love each other but just can't live together. Do what makes you both happy but be honest about your feelings for each other.
2006-09-22 08:30:02 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. Sorry but I do not believe in the concept ...do what feels good, even though you know it is not morally right. First of all you have no idea if either of you will remarry. Second of all what if she happens to pregnant (I don't believe in "accidents" however, woman are notorious for trying to trap a man like this). Third, If you have children you are sending them mixed messages...mommy and daddy are not living together but they still have sex. Five, You know sooner or latter one of you are going to "cheat", now who is ever left is going to feel betrayed. Cut the apron strings and grow up and be a big boy.
2006-09-22 09:03:16 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem with it, so long as you are both single and it doesn't hurt you from an emotional standpoint. Logically, this is not a good idea but you need to do what works for you. Make sure you both set out good guidelines to follow so that no one gets hurt again.
2006-09-22 08:49:28 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you both know that it is only sex and isn't going to go anywhere else, then why not? Just be careful. Emotions can redevelop at any time. So have fun as long as you two are comfortable with the situation.
2006-09-22 08:35:17 · answer #5 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah its ok but its quite odd.If you are going to continue to sleep together then why did you get a divorce in the first place?
2006-09-22 09:05:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very very interesting , if both souls are happy and enjoying each others company , its not only OK , its celebration .
2006-09-22 08:24:54 · answer #7 · answered by your noon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure if neither of you are currently in a relationship just be careful not to get pregnant use birth control / condoms you wouldn't want to complicate things
2006-09-22 09:18:42 · answer #8 · answered by wildone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not?? As long as you both have a mutual understanding..
2006-09-22 08:58:04 · answer #9 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Many people are doing it, doing it, doing it. Do the Dew.
2006-09-22 12:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋