My 16yr old daughter has been living with me for 3mths after a 4yr absence, she has come back with an attitude as she now smokes, drinks heavy (when she's not at home), is dating a 20yr old (who I approve of, he's very nice and has a good strong family). When she is in a bad mood she takes it out on any/all of us, including hitting her 4yr old sister, lies to all of us including her boyfriend about her times at home, doesn't help around the home, is either at her boyfriend's, or sleeping off a hard night/weekend, or complaining of stomach aches or period cramps as an excuse for not going to school (Yr 11) or turning up late to avoid classes she hates. I have talked to her about these and other problems and she answers back as if she will amend her ways, but doesn't, I have had panic attacks due to the stress. Please help, I am desperate for changes but would hate to tell her to leave, but don't know if I have a choice or not. Plus I'm wanting to move house , which she's not happy
2006-09-22 00:44:57 · 23 answers · asked by Kiwee Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Probably she just wants to feel some love and respect. You should try to negociate with her. Make a list of rules and ask her to do the same. That way you'll be able to understand her needs and she'll know that you also have your needs.
2006-09-22 03:21:41 · answer #1 · answered by R.C.P. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there and done that, I also have a stockpile of coffee cups. You are the parent, she is a child. I would not put up with it one second more, especially if she is abusing my 4 year old. I am not saying kick her out in the cold but find her some place else to live if she cannot control herself and abide by family rules. It is good that you like the boyfriend, however the boyfriend is 20 yrs old and that may be giving her a bit too much freedom. She needs a curfew that she must abide by or suffer the consequences. If you don't do something now you will have a ulcer in a few weeks time. If you don't want to stand up to her you need to think of what she is doing to everyone in the family and take them all into consideration. You are doing no one a favor (especially her) by letting her get away with her antics. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-09-22 00:58:12 · answer #2 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing she needs to do is stop lying. If she does not know when she will be home she should say "I don't know" simple. If she does not go to school then she will have to get a job. If you miss a certain amount of days in Yr 11 you fail anyway, there are rules about that stuff. How does she afford to drink & smoke? If she wants to live as an adult she better start growing up. And as for hitting a four year old - she is a bully - and you need to put your foot down, YOU are raising her.
2006-09-24 16:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by obenypopstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your child and you make the rules. It sounds like you need to get it together and make a stand. If she is going to live in your home she needs to follow the rules of the house. You wouldn't let your 4 yr. old get away with all that crap...why are you letting a 16 yr old walk all over you? She has no business smoking (where is she getting the smokes it is illegal to sell to minors). She has no business drinking (in most states you have to be 21 to drink!!???) And last time I looked having your period or being hungover is no excuse to miss work or school.
Make a contract and stick to your guns. You are not doing the wrong thing by holding her accountable for her actions. If she doesn't get it together now she never will and then you'll be talking about cocaine. YOU ARE HER PARENT NOT HER FRIEND. Quit with the panic attacks...they aren't helping you or her. Good luck!
2006-09-22 00:55:12 · answer #4 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could stop giving her the money to smoke and drink, tell her she should get a job if she doesn't like school, if she hits your 4 year old call the police (obviously) or kick her out. If she can give u panic attacks, hit a minor and then party at the weekend, she should be well away from that four year old. (I did say maybe at the start).
I've got a 19 year old, we've been thru some tough times, but,I know that IFshe were to hit her 11 month old brother, she would never get another chance. But that's just my opinion.
2006-09-23 15:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of trying to convince your daughter that her boyfriend is bad, which he may be, the better thing to do would be to start a series of conversations with her about what kind of person she wants to be and what kind of person she thinks makes a good boyfriend. Maybe you guys could watch a romantic comedy together to get the conversation going naturally. As she starts to define a good relationship while talking to you maybe she'll see the light. What the other people may have missed is you saying the words controlling and manipulative. If your assessment of this boy is accurate, there could be real trouble ahead. Watch your daughter closely for signs that she is no longer seeing any of her friends, or if the boy is trying to isolate her even from you and the rest of her family. Abusers begin as controllers.
2016-03-27 02:04:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the parent why do you let her act this way? You are a push over and she knows this.
I have a teenager to and dammed be the day when my kids tell me what to do.
You need to tell her what she can and cant do.
If you have to take her to school and walk her in then do it. If you have to stay home and hold her hand on weekends then do it. I think that you also need some family counseling
You are the one letting her boss you around.
You are also letting her tell your 4 year old how to treat her mother.
If she will not listen to you call the cops and they will come out and talk to her and they will ask you if you want them to take her and put her in a boot camp until she gets rid of her attitude. Mom you do what you have to if she doesn't like it who cares. You will have to go through some BAD times but its you kids life you are talking about!
2006-09-22 01:04:26 · answer #7 · answered by top momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am a 27 yr.old female who sort of was rebellious at or around your daughters age..I believed mine started from a broken home at a young age,hanging out with the wrong people,so on and so forth.I also at a young age was introduced to stuff like drugs and alcohol maybe she is doing more than just drinking?I think the move that your planning on making might be a good idea you know start out with new friends and a new surrounding so she can see that there is more out there than what she's seen maybe she will fight and argue about leaving but hey obviously a change would be in her best int rest she will hopefully learn that you did it with her in mind out of love.Also talk to her boyfriend sense he is a little older maybe he can talk to her and get her to see the light..good luck and blessings to your family too.
2006-09-22 01:19:37 · answer #8 · answered by noimok 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, either you live with it, or you kick her to the curb. At 16 she thinks she has all the answers. Part of your problem is allowing her to go with a 20 year old.
10 to 1 they are in a full blown sexual relationship. On top of that she is seeing him do as he pleases, he is 20. She has chosen to act the same way as a 20 year old does.
What she doesn't realize is the responsibilities that come with being 20.
2006-09-22 00:48:50 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's your daughter - you don't send her away, you start PARENTING. You tell her the rules of your home, what she can/can't do, what is expected of her school, and home and behavior wise, and you make it stick. If she can't follow the rules of your home, ground her. Start limiting her time out, her phone time, computer, etc... She'll b*tch, whine, moan, complain and hate you for it, but you know what? Parenting requires some pretty unpopular decisions for her own good and yours. She can NOT run your home and do as she pleases. At 18 she can leave and do what she wants... for the next 2 years, YOU be the parent.
2006-09-22 01:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋