My fiancee and I ended our relationship about 2 weeks ago, after being together for 7 years-he still loves me, still calls me by his pet names for me, we still have sex, in fact, we are getting along a lot better than we were when we were together, we also talk every single day, or see each other-I have never had this happen at the end of a relationship and am confused about what this means-any ideas?
2006-09-21 20:09:51 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
may be the little time apart helped you out i think so some times you have to space out good luck to the both of you
2006-09-21 21:12:11 · answer #1 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A similar thing is going on with a close friend of mine. It hasn't been 7 years.. about 2 and 1/2.. and they were never engaged, but they were pretty close and serious and they have been "off and on" for a while now. What I see in their relationship may or may not apply to yours. What it seems is going on is that somewhere along the way, they drifted and could no longer see each others point of view. As I am good friends with the woman, I hear all of the stories through her eyes and words so they are sure to be a bit biased, but what it seems to me is that he cares about her, but is not ready to make any serious kind of commitment but at the same time is not ready or willing to let her go and move on with her life. Meanwhile she fully believes she is in love with him, however, from things that she has told me, it is very rarely now that they actually have fun when they are together and they fight over the silliest little things (they are both very stubborn and refuse to give in). So, she, (although I do believe she still cares for him - how could you not after 2+ years of being intimate and close with someone) I think the reason she is still going back to him is more out of comfort and fear of being alone (she really hasn't been single since she was 13.. she has been - out of one relationship into the next). I think that when they have a separation she misses him more because she is used to having him around than anything else. I personally believe that people change over time, or how we perceive other people changes over time and in their case how they saw and how they acted to each other in the beginning of their relationship is not how they are now. I've found that in the beginning of a relationship, without meaning to, it is easy to see what we like to see in a person, to pull out all the good that person has to offer, but over time, get bogged down in the aspects of that person that we didn't notice or pay attention to in the beginning because we didn't like those aspects, didn't want to see them, or the person was hiding them from us.
In your case with your fiancee, maybe you both were feeling trapped and needed more freedom. But.. one good question would be to ask yourself why it took 7 years to become engaged in the first place. Maybe either one or both of you have commitment issues. Maybe you make better friends than life-partners, but because neither of you have moved onto anyone else you feel like helping each other out satisfying sexual and other needs. It may also be because you have been together so long, that even though you don't want to be in a fully committed relationship anymore - that after that much time, you learned how to please each other very well and can't see yourself trying to start again with someone else.
Anyway, I haven't yet been in a relationship that has lasted that long, so I really don't know what you two are feeling/thinking, but since you have split up, you might want to take a bit more time away from him for now so that you can sort out your feelings for him and what you want out of your own life. Best of luck to you!
2006-09-22 10:54:24 · answer #2 · answered by River 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That will never happen to me.
First you should learn to start serious decisions in your life and then stick to them no matter what.
sit down and talk about your relationship with your partner seriously.make strong agreements and if you decide to revive your relationship do so. If u are sure that your previous conflict can not be ammended just stop that relationship it will cause a lot of problems for you because you may find that that person just wants to abuse you and use his selfishness to block you from going on with your life while he seeks for a new love
2006-09-22 03:44:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're still having sex, still seeing each other everyday and still love each other then...I hate to be the one to tell you this but you guys didn't break up....why did a 7 year relationship end anyway?
2006-09-22 03:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like Goldie Hawn Kurt Russell syndrome, you might just be that couple who never gets hitched, if you did things would just get to complicated, your probably both really independent people who enjoy your alone time, but at the same time enjoy each others company.
2006-09-22 03:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by gq1412@sbcglobal.net 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not sure if that whats he really wants to do so he halfs to keep in touch if things dont go well while he is single. Also ya have been together for 7years so it takes time getting use to.
2006-09-22 03:22:08 · answer #6 · answered by marrissa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heres a good idea for you. Stop having sex with him and see how long all that kindness keeps up.
2006-09-22 03:12:36 · answer #7 · answered by bsd300d 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nope but why u have waited so long 7 years is a very long time .well it means that both of u cannot live without each other.why dont u get married now
2006-09-22 03:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by golu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is not uncommon for a long term relationship because you as scared of the unknown and are comfortable with each other. once one of you finds someone else it will stop
2006-09-22 06:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say why you broke it off.
If he broke it off, then he is fooling you - you are letting him have all the privileges without the commitment, and he's quite happy to butter you up with pet names and compliments to get what he wants.
If you broke it off, then I really dont know why.
2006-09-22 03:23:17 · answer #10 · answered by Kylie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋