Bare
As the hate spreads across the counter,
The fire burns shards of broken glass,
Blood winter freezes the smashed flask.
White smoke went off as a hazard.
A terrifying warning walked in.
He strips away each layer of me;
I wanted honest reciprocity.
Beneath neon lights of a midnight city,
Razorblades slash the body's beauty.
As if she flirts with a nightly car crash,
Dirt clings deeply to exposed bleeding flesh,
Unravelling slowly inside her mesh.
Lit lanterns dance against these stark skies.
2006-09-21 19:55:09 · 11 answers · asked by cotterall&elaineadams 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's actually kinda good.
2006-09-21 19:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some nice imagery, sad. the material, however, is kind of unoriginal. I want to see a more creative ending to a relationship. It is always hurt and sadness or happy ever after, and I think that there are many more shades to how things come apart and why - but we always see poetry about these two aspects of relationships. What besides hurt, sadness and suicidal thoughts could have come out of that relationship? surely something else, some more original thought. Hopefully, right? I doubt the whole thing was a waste of time. But, like I said, you have some nice imagry, and some nice use of rhyme.
2006-09-22 03:00:51 · answer #2 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It signfies broken thought and many unrelated items. There is no real point to it. Lots of violence and gore but for no particular reason.
2006-09-22 03:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt really rhyme.try to make the words at the end of the second and forth sentences rhyme.would be better.
2006-09-22 02:56:56 · answer #4 · answered by nursha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm more of a haiku kinda gal
2006-09-22 02:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop
Stop posting worthless questions
I hate you break it to you
But your poem really sucks
2006-09-22 02:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by Genius 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like it
2006-09-22 03:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
come on
next time try not to be so bleak
2006-09-22 03:10:02 · answer #8 · answered by soumyaxyz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but i think it sucks to
2006-09-22 03:27:30 · answer #9 · answered by todd c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great. keep on writing
2006-09-22 02:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by The Lioness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋