Faraway from Him
We walked away from the fire.
He waved goodbye from the pond;
While the steam was still rising.
I just let out a sigh.
He wished us well as we told him, "Goodbye".
The clock struck upon the hour;
The echo resonated with a certain power.
His peroxide blonde hair wove a tapestry;
In mud and muck that stiffly stuck;
To the luminescence of his hair.
Silver and platinum reflected in his eyes:
Pools of excess he used to drown in.
Chemicals ran through his veins.
Words, soothing and kind, from his mother;
They could not heal the pain.
He took abandon to pleasure;
Anger was a sort of leisure.
We used to go walking in the canyon;
Till he decided to rise up to the cavern.
He lit a fire onto himself.
He wants to go into the wilderness;
Where the cougars nurse their young.
He wanted to pet one for fun;
He wanted to play with that wild beauty;
A return to nature out of duty.
2006-09-21 19:48:28 · 10 answers · asked by cotterall&elaineadams 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
I like it. Good Luck with your writing!
2006-09-21 19:54:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, some good phrases in your poem stand out, however, on the whole, some fluidity of comprehension lacking. Might try some editing to allow everyone in on what's going on.
It's got potential, really. Set it aside for a couple of hours or such to view it from an outsiders viewpoint of understanding.
2006-09-22 03:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good and I like it a lot.
The way you express in poem, it's kind of sad.
I wish you well and keep on writing.
One day you will be a great writer.
2006-09-22 02:56:18 · answer #3 · answered by Rod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its rather good, rather sad.......makes me think of loss, a person leaving this world because of an illness....about him doing the things he wants to do and see before he departs. Just what it made me think of.....I would be curious to know what inspired the writer.
2006-09-22 02:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MmMm interesting. I couldn't relate to it.... i've noticed people really like something when they can realate to something. But it's a nice poem don't get me wrong. :)
2006-09-22 02:57:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ginger B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"faraway" is not a word. "Far away", two words. Carry on.
2006-09-22 02:56:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good. i would also love to hear more!
2006-09-22 02:58:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stinks!........Just kidding. I like it.
2006-09-22 02:51:06 · answer #8 · answered by Shadowstorm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a poem ?
2006-09-22 02:49:48 · answer #9 · answered by bhanu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how sad!!..but its a nice poem!..
2006-09-22 03:13:12 · answer #10 · answered by "neng" 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋