we have a son who has caused me and my husband troubles (law, alcohol , drugs) our son is 21 immature if that needs guidance in life , he has aheart disease and a difib. anyways we got him to go into rehab. which is awsome, so now with younger son 19 yrs , home with a job , and likes to party a bitlike most guys when out with friends. and we have a pet shitzuh. anyways we decided to take a r and r while son is getting help . we asked inlaws to stay at ourhom eor keep an eye on him and make sure dog is fed ect. all of their answer was NO and i asked why ? point blank they said WE DONT WANT TO and they hang the phone up on me in my ear. after they your kids are not our problem... i always thought family is there for supportive reasons as well as to ease our minds when on vacation in another country. what my question here is?? i have decided to close them out and stop going to their functions . i feel shunt out,were only good for food and gifts.
2006-09-21 18:54:54 · 11 answers · asked by flowerlegz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thats up to you, but they dont have to help, maybe it hurts them to see the kiddos this way...Could be they blame you in a sick twisted way...If they are only after what they can get, then give nothing and see what happens....
2006-09-21 19:22:02 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they didnt want to help u and be supportive when u needed them, then u made the right decision.
They probably think your bad influences or something.
We have the same problem with my moms side of the family the only thing is they make the family functions at such times when they know we cant make it. So they invite us for a breakfast birthday event at 10 in the morning during the week when we all work or stuff like that. Most times we just dont get invited.
The most important things is that the wheel turns, it turns slowly but it does turn.
One day they will go through hell and need help and then it will be your turn to make the decision. YES or NO?
Your probably a better person than them and stronger so u would probably help them.
Its hard to write off family becoz they r important, but your focus on the moment should be on your children and make sure your other son doesnt follow in big brothers footsteps and make the same mistakes. Its easy to get into, but very hard to get out of.
Stay focussed on what is important around u. U cant make them change their minds, but u can prove them wrong about u and your kids.
Stay strong and good luck, the path u chose is not going to be the easiest one.
2006-09-21 19:05:58 · answer #2 · answered by chanD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are hurt right now and for a good reason. Find a solution to your problem and don't become a part of it. More heartache down the road. Maybe a friend would work out better. Having a good family relationship is important but it takes everyone working at it. Seems like your inlaws need to rethink what they do and how they treat you.
2006-09-21 19:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by Sarge 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering what kind of grief he has caused your extended family. Do not expect people to step in to your shoes. He has been through rehab you say but then you say your younger son parties. Not a good mix in the same home. For someone to come and keep an eye on things, they would take on watching out for 2 grown men. Not Okay. You may be an awesome set of parents and deserve a vacation but don't take their reluctance too personally. They are not obligated to watch 2 grown men.
2006-09-21 19:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by Melody 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it is unreasonable that your in-laws did not want to babysit your grown children. I would certainly turn you down also. It is not like you are asking them to take care of children who will do what they are told. If I had kids like yours, I would probably be reluctant to leave town, much less the country. It isn't like you could be home in an hour or two if there was some kind of problem.
2006-09-21 19:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for feeling bad about your in-laws. And I don't think avoiding them can help resolve your problem. Why not have an open discussion with them and see if you can work it out together as a family. Don't allow feelings of rejection build a gap between you and your in-laws, instead use that experience as an eye opener for them, tell them exactly how you feel in a loving and gentle way.
2006-09-21 19:20:37 · answer #6 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both have a point.to bad about your son i truly hope rehab works for him.i would not wast my time on them.itake it its your sons wifes family.if so do you like her.does she do right by you,and your son?they gave you an honest anser when you asked them to watch things for you.has it crossed your mind that they may not like your son.how do you get along with them other then that.being shunt out is not a good feeling,and if your only good for food and gifts then i would avoid them.be nice when you recline they offers to join them.remember treat them like you want to be treated,and if they cant do the same for you.you dont need them.it sounds like you have things under control as far as your son is concerned,and that is the main thing.dont worry be happy.
2006-09-21 19:22:20 · answer #7 · answered by starrman712 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there must be some strong reason for them to say "No". How old are they? Are they in good health? If they are old, say in their mid-sixties and above and not in good health, then I don't think you should trouble them anymore. Usually inlaws do not want to take up full time care for grandchildren who are difficult to manage and with health issues. Of course, in this case, your inlaws should have shown tact and politeness instead of being blunt.
2006-09-21 19:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. You shouldn't completely write them out of your life, but I wouldn't get so happy to run and help everytime they needed something. Maybe even have some of your own family functions for awhile until someone can apologize.
2006-09-21 18:58:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a reasonable response.
2006-09-21 18:59:54 · answer #10 · answered by setter505 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋