can u edit tis for me , what would be a good title for this story?

Question

It is universally acknowledge that a black man in seek of justice would be killed sooner or later. And that is my brother’s story, he was murdered by whites. It’s hard living without him, I miss him and I still have him in my heart. This is his story and I would take you into a life of misery, pain, cruelty, racism and passion.

His name was Tom Letrina Garcia Estrada. He was born in New Orleans during the civil war. Although Letrina was the oldest brother, he didn’t look that old, he always look younger than me. Our father was a shoemaker, just like Letrina; he passed away some years before my nephew Ryan Anthony was born, who’s son of Letrina.

Letrina was an ordinary black guy, who only wanted justice for all black people in America. He had hard life, a life of cruelty and racism where white people didn’t care about blacks; black people were often lynched or legally killed in America. Tom Letrina lived in old house with his wife Samantha Olivia; the house wasn’t all that great since it was made up of mud bricks, and it had a roof that was falling apart. Moreover, he was a poor person who didn’t afford luxuries, but at least he could afford his family well being.

At some point in my brother’s adolescence he was persecuted by wild people for an unknown reason and almost killed by Christian Hank. Hank was an ugly white guy full of horrific ideas in his mind. “Ha, ha, ha this is your last day in planet Earth Letrina. Your last day… I’m going to kill you Letrina, you have always been a pain in the… I’m going to kill you Letrina.” Christian Hank murmured.
“Yeah right, like you would dare to kill me, you’re just jealous of me because I’m a happy person and you are not. Am I right?” I asked.
“Oh go to hell Letrina.” Responded Christian.
After telling him this, he stayed quiet for about ten seconds and then attacked me with his knife, cutting my stomach into two. It was a big wound, my small intestine were coming out along with blood coming out really fast. I don’t remember what happened next, I just remember that somehow I appeared in the hospital.

Letrina had a diary in which he wrote his appalling moments, one incident he wrote was a dream. There I was in old deserted street of New Orleans waiting for a ride to my house. As I was waiting in the old bus station I started to realize something in the air. The air was getting colder and the sky was turning weird and wonderful. It was someone being lynched. He screamed help, help, but nobody helped him. Laughs could be heard from far behind. But then some guy screamed out “Hey you, black guy you’re next. Come on Letrina you’re the next one”
“No, I am not next, I haven’t done anything wrong,” I said. When I woke up I realize I was very nervous and my face was about to explode.

I remember that night was very dark, and the climate was getting colder, along with a breeze that was gently falling and the police was coming for me. When the police officer arrived at my house he told me “hello, is this Letrina’s house?”
“Sir, yes sir. How may I help you in this lovely day?” I responded
“Well… who’s Tom Letrina? Asked the officer
“That’s me. How may I help you sir?” I responded in a nice way
“Well… how can I tell you this? You are being arrested for physically abusing Anna Sofia. You have the right to remain silence and everything you say would be use against you.”

Letrina was taken to court, and in there found innocent of raping Anna Sofia Mc horse. This was one of the few cases were black people were founded innocent, since black people were taken to court to be legally killed, in other words so racist would make more of their own.

After the judge had told him that he was innocent of raping the beautiful Anna Sofia, he was full of joy plus looking forward to move to another state. He wanted to move to a state in which they would be treated right.

A month later after my brother’s trial, he was found extremely massacre with his internal organs hanging out, and worst of all, was that he was also lynched; White people made of their own by killing my dear Letrina who only wanted justice. His wife Samantha Olivia suffered for month, she ended up publishing my brother’s diary some years later after Letrinas death. Tom Letrina was killed unfairly, and no action was taken.

Answer 1

Here is one attempt at editing it. I would entitle it
The Life and Death of Tom Letrina Estrada - A Black Man in the Civil War South"

This is the story of my brother, a black man who was murdered by white men. He lived a life of misery, pain, cruelty, racism and passion.

His name was Tom Letrina Garcia Estrada, but most people just called him Letrina. He was born in New Orleans during the civil war, and although he was the oldest boy in the family, he looked younger than me (his younger brother). Our father was a shoemaker who passed away some years before Letrina’s son Ryan Anthony was born.

He was an ordinary black guy whose one over-riding desire was to see justice for all black people in America. He led a hard life, filled with cruelty and racism in a community where white people didn’t care about blacks and there were many instances where black people were killed with no consequences to the white person that did the killing.

He lived in an old house with his wife Samantha Olivia. The house was made up of mud bricks and it had a roof that was falling apart. Moreover, like most blacks, he was very poor and couldn’t afford luxuries. He spent whatever money he made just taking care of his family.

At some point in his adolescence he was persecuted by wild people for an unknown reason and almost killed by Christian Hank. Hank was an ugly white guy full of horrific ideas in his mind. “Ha, ha, ha this is your last day in planet Earth Letrina. Your last day… I’m going to kill you Letrina, you have always been a pain in the… I’m going to kill you Letrina.” Christian Hank murmured.

“Yeah right, like you would dare to kill me, you’re just jealous of me because I’m a happy person and you are not. Am I right?” Letrina asked.

“Oh go to hell Letrina”, responded Christian. After telling him this, he stayed quiet for about ten seconds and then attacked him with his knife, cutting his stomach. It was a big wound and the small intestine were coming out and it was bleeding profusely. He must have lost consciousness, because the next thing he remembered was coming too in the hospital.

He kept a diary in which he wrote about many moments like this. One incident he wrote was about a dream he had. He was in old deserted street of New Orleans waiting for a ride to his house. As he waited in the old bus station he started to realize something was happening. Suddenly he heard the sounds of someone being lynched. The man screamed, “Help! Help!”, but nobody helped him. Laughs could be heard from far behind. But then some guy screamed out, “Hey you, black guy you’re next. Come on Letrina you’re the next one”

“No, I am not next, I haven’t done anything wrong,” he said. When he awoke he was very nervous and his face felt like it was about to explode.

On another page he wrote about a dark night when the climate was getting colder. A breeze was gently blowing. The police were coming for him. When the police officer arrived at his house he asked, “Hello, is this Letrina’s house?”

“Sir, yes sir. How may I help you in this lovely day?” Letrina responded

“Well… who’s Tom Letrina?” asked the officer

“That’s me. How may I help you sir?” I responded in a nice way

“Well… how can I tell you this? You are being arrested for raping Anna Sofia. You have the right to remain silent and anything you say can be uses against you in a court of law.”

Letrina was taken to court but was found innocent of raping Anna Sofia McHorse. This was one of the few cases were black people were founded innocent, since black people were taken to court to be legally killed.

After the judge had told him that he was innocent of raping the beautiful Anna Sofia, he was full of joy and decided to move to another state to find a place where he would be treated right.

A month later after the trial, he was found dead with his internal organs hanging out and he had been lynched; White people who were angry about the innocent verdict decided to take the law into their own hands and so they killed Letrina who only wanted justice. His wife Samantha Olivia suffered for many months and finally decided to publish her husband’s diary. It became a good example of a black man that was killed unfairly and no action was taken.

Answer 2

Honestly... It's boring. Not enough description. You have poor grammar. Misspelled "dying" more than once. Your sentences are really awkward-sounding. "Me and my miserable mom" is not right. It should be "My miserable mom and I"... "found of traveling"? Don't you mean FOND? The whole second paragraph is so awkward and doesn't look or sound right. Actually, most of it doesn't either. "The dinners not that busy..." should be "The diner's not that busy..." What the heck is that whole part about the "world getting older" and crap? What does that have to do with anything? People are "dying every five seconds"? How would you know that? People are dying all the time! Not just any five seconds. "On the other side of the world"? How about ALL THE WORLD? Not just one part of the world do people die. It really sounds like you don't know what you're talking about. "The warm sun on my skin instead of scummy dirty rain. Feeling sticky and sweaty, that my paradise…" What does that mean?? It sounds so weird! The story is VERY rushed. It's like we're at the diner, now I'm moving, now I'm packing up. That does not make for a good story at all. Life isn't just like that! You don't just say "This is what we're gonna do!" and then just go do it! You have to plan for the big things. "Hell loving mother"? What does that even mean? " hopping she’ll grab a book and get caught up in it. I’m not really found of traveling. But to Florida, maybe I just won’t miss my flight…" WHAT??? -- My miserable mom and I sit in the dinner on Main Street. I’m having a green salad no dressing and for main course good old hamburger and fries, as always. The diner's not that busy so I have time to think. Every minute, every second the world is getting older and so am I. On the other side of the world people are dying all the time. To me, dying is not the first priority on my list but if it will make someone’s life better, I’m ready. One afternoon after coming home from the dinner, my mom said I’m going to go live with my father in Tampa Bay, Florida. "Yes!" I thought in my head. I wanted the warm sun on my skin instead of the rain. Oh, that was my paradise. “Joelle honey! Finish packing we’ll be leaving soon”! Ugh! The sound of my mother in the morning. What a pain! Her nagging is all I hear 24/7. Still, my one of a hell-loving mother kept me after all. She’s been tough. Even when she was just eighteen! Why didn’t she just put me in a box and throw me on any random door step? That would have made her life a lot better. “Coming mom”, I said. --- Sorry, but even after I revised it, it still is not very good writing even though it is a lot better than it was. Don't let this discourage you. Take the constructive criticism and become a better writer! How old are you, by the way?

Answer 3

Misery, Pain, Racism, Passion;
The elements of a black man seeking justice

Answer 4

Uncompromise Justice

Answer 5

I confess I didn't even have the patience to read the whole thing. I think the answer to the actual question is no, I cannot edit this for you. I don't think that's what Yahoo! Answers is for. We've indulged in a single paragraph now and again, but this is way, way too much.

Answer 6

If I were you I would save a humiliation and edit it personally. Then Get a copy of "Writer's Market", find a possible editor of a publishing company and get paid for the origionall work instead of risking the chance of getting your ideas stolen online.

Answer 7

The answer 2 ur 1st question would have to be no. Editing this is worth more than 10 points.

The answer to your second question: "A Legal Murder"

Answer 8

How about:

"BLACK DAYS"

It implies negativity and also has an undertone of being about a black man. What do you think?

Answer 9

fristly thogh i have a wonderfuly creative mind ,spelling and sentence structure are not my best suit and i use proof readers and editors my self .

for a good title ,A Vacant Pillow

Answer 10

the dark side of law