the women are usually hurt and the chidren what about how the children will feel.i think that everyone should just be there selves at all times and always honestly is the best policy in all relationships.
2006-09-21 15:12:33 · 23 answers · asked by lady-t 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Some men, realize they are gay at a young age. Although they are willing to admit it to themeselves, their enivironment may make them a little apprehensive about letting everyone else know. I myself knew at a young age, however I grew up in a small town. So I dated girls until I was 22.. because it seemed like the right thing to do. I do not consider this being selfish and inconsiderate of those around me, its more of a self preservation mechanism. Sometimes it can get out of hand and then a wife and children become involved. Its not the person who is at fault, but society for putting them in that situation.
2006-09-21 15:22:45 · answer #1 · answered by canada_phoenix 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand your confusion regarding this matter. After the fact, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Why, indeed, would a man know he has sexual attraction to other men, yet marry a woman and have children? In today's slightly more accepting world, it seems cruel and terrible... and as some have pointed out so eloquently, selfish.
I'm certain that each man who has done this has had reasons that seemed to be enough to get him to do this. People, even gay people, rarely get married for the purpose of screwing up a women's and some kid's lives.
I know that when I got married, it was because people I trusted told me that if I got married, god would take the gay feelings away. The love of a good woman would cure me. Even though those same people encouraged us to have children, I refused. I ended the marriage a year later. It didn't cure me. It didn't cure her.
It is unfortunate that people's lives get totally wrecked when a marriage falls apart. You can be full of righteous indignation over this matter and be horrified by the damage to women and children when this happens.
You must remember, however, that VERY few homosexuals are getting married to women and having children. Half of all marriages end in divorce. The vast majority of those marriages produce children. All of those women and children are equally harmed by their family falling apart. The men suffer as well. Gay people aren't causing all that despair... and no matter how much a person would love to blame us, it's not our fault.
2006-09-22 02:32:43 · answer #2 · answered by Dustin Lochart 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are so right honesty is the best policy. I'm going to give you a reason why this happens. Again this is a REASON and not an Excuse! Men are handed GI Joes and Cars And Play Tools as children. We are always asked while growing up if we have a girlfriend yet?! It is built up in our heads that we must fit into this model mold of a "MAN"! We Work have families and provide and care for them. This is expected of us. Not coming out of a closet and being with another man. This is frowned upon. So you spend years Convincing yourself you are not Gay and you get with a woman. You love her and though not in love with her you still have deep feelings for her. You are attracted to who she is, so you are still able to have sex with her. I mean it doesn't take much for a penis to get hard and ready for action. Then the constant pressure and unhappiness start to build up. You have this huge Lie and Secret you are so ashamed of, you are scared people will find out. That your friends and family might disown you, that people you love might look at you differently. SO you keep it inside until.....You cant anymore. Then you leave your family behind unfortunately...because you realized you have to be happy and with a man.
2006-09-22 03:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by david s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, it's a nutty and stress-full world we live in. Everyone feels the pressure to "fit in" at some point in their lives. I always thought that if I married a man and had children that it would somehow "magically cure" me of my attraction to women.
It didn't.
Many gay men go through similar experiences. It's much more prevalent that those few that go on the Jerry Springer show.
2006-09-21 18:41:11 · answer #4 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perception sometimes leads to deception. If people percieve a man is straight by having a wife and kids then he feels he has to sneak around and have his gay affairs because of fear that those same people will not accept him as a gay man. In being in the closet, he decieves them that he is a model husband and father when in truth he is not only lieing to himself but others who love him as well. In my city alot of the prominent doctors and businessmen are in the closet. My hairdresser who is open about his sexuality tells me all of the latest on who is in the closet.
2006-09-21 15:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by victoria w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a hard Question I would say maybe they the men didnt realize that they were like gay untill they did what they did maybe they had to find out for them selfs you kno what im talking bout ummm maybe they wanted to see what it was like before they made there mind up well anyway i dont jugde so it doent matter exspect people for who they are not for what they are
2006-09-21 15:20:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In times past many gays; particularly men married because it was warranted to gain, survive, and flourish; in hopes of not being discovered. However; with more and more gay and lesbians coming out of the closet; the acceptance or stigma of being gay has decreased.
The rate of singles in their thirty and forties has become acceptable. Couples without children is becoming more the norm. In as much; men no longer have the pressure as in years past.
Do men still marry knowing that they are gay, YES. We know now that its a very selfish act, because the ripple effects can be overwhelming to its innocent Vitims. With this said, are there those who are clueless regarding their sexuality? If so, these guys are in their early twenties at a time, when they are still finding themselves. Perhaps marriage should be delay to ensure one's self, if in doubt!
2006-09-21 15:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Peer pressure, either from family, friends, or the community he is in/from. Some are unable to reconcile being gay with their religious beliefs as well. Others just came to the realisation of their sexuality much later in life, it can happen.
2006-09-21 15:20:01 · answer #8 · answered by God 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When children are raised by gay parents, they are usually open-minded as adults
Althogh teasing from peers at school and isolating the child is inevbitale, they'll be better, kinder people in the fufture.
2006-09-21 15:18:13 · answer #9 · answered by daioka14@sbcglobal.net 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
they are in denial...because they've been raised being taught that they are expected to get married and have kids. and they do what's expected to please their families....and later on...they realize they can't lie about who they are anymore. it's still hard even in today's society to just "be yourself" when there's still such bigotry and hatred. and when we have a president who keeps pushing to amend the constitution with the discriminatory marriage ban (and he's drummed more homophobes out of the closet, too!).
honesty IS the best policy...but for some people, it's not that easy!
2006-09-21 15:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋