My friend was harassed, called names, humiliated in front of the whole school, basically tortured everyday in high school. Now she is 25 and she came over the other day and asked me to help her I guess harass this one certain guy who humiliated everyday of her life. She wants to start writing him letters and sending him things like he has a secret admirer and make him think someone is in love with him. I guess once she has him believing then she will go from there. Should I help her? I mean i feel really sorry for her, he was soooo mean to her in school. What should I do?
2006-09-21 13:38:16 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It has been said by a counselor that I know that hurt people hurt other people. I think that you should talk to her and ask her what hurts the most about what that guy did to her. Listen to her and let her know that she is so much better than whatever he has said about her and that her life is too good to waste it on revenge. I think she is trying to comfront her hurt the best way she knows how, and she does need your help, just not like that.
2006-09-21 13:42:25 · answer #1 · answered by Shanigirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have encountered a few bully's at school in my time also. There are still a few people I would like to confront. To act upon something to "get even" would be a grim mistake. I know what she must have felt but she must forgive him and learn to deal with the past so that she can move on. What she needs is closure. I would not help her do anything of this sort. She will probably come out a loser again and she don't need this. She could very well get in a lot of trouble for stalking. I actually feel sorry for this guy; because this is something that will probably affect her for the rest of her entire life. If she doesn't learn to forgive him she will harbor a dislike for this guy and if he ever crosses her path there is no telling what she is capable of. I would suggest that you try to get this guy to call and apologise to her because that is really what she is looking for. Maybe he could just write a letter to her and tell her he is sorry. You need to try to talk her into going to some counseling before she acts this thing out. This doesn't sound good at all. This is kind of creepy.
2006-09-21 14:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have thought about this for a long time and decided...no, it isn't okay. The initial reaction is always "I am going to (insert horrible thing)" but it just feeds into it. I don't buy into that "It makes you a lower person to sink to their level" because that is just bs and a very passive thing to do. The real response is...don't do it because it won't change the past treatment or how you feel today. It just won't. A slight "ha ha" about it and then it's done with and you are still left feeling crappy about yourself.
Ultimately relay to your friend that committing this act is NOT going to make her feel any better about what happened in hs or about herself. She obviously has a lot of issues if she is 25 and still dwelling on treatment from at least 7 years ago. If she carries it with her and still feels she needs revenge...she needs therapy! This guy will not even be phased by what she is doing (and probably forgot about his torture). Plus, this behavior is something someone would do with a high school mentality!! She is above that, she is an adult now. Tell her it will not help her feel better.
If I were you...I wouldn't be involved in it...but try to support her in her life TODAY. Yesterday and high school is gone for her. Yes it sucked for her and it was bad...but it was 7 years ago!! She needs to focus on today and her future!! Good luck : )
2006-09-21 14:57:52 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not help her. Instead you should counsel her that the past is a past and she should not be botted down by the humiliation this guy has put her. It is obvious that she is very disturbed after so many years and this pain has not gone away. She is self torturing herself and getting back at him will not solve anything. She has endured him for so long already. She should be strong and move on. Learn to forgive and forget those unpleasant moments and think positively here after. Find new love and friendship... don't let it bothers you anymore. As her friend, shower her with your love and helping her not to hurt others. Do not to others if you do not want others to do unto you.
2006-09-21 13:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by Nice Guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, Nicole, you are a young woman now and your friend looks up to you and respects you, so you shouldn't let her down by participating in her bad idea. What you should do is to teach her how to heal the bad pain she feels in her heart. The way to heal bad pain in your heart for someone who did bad things to her is for her to write a letter and say "I remember you did this and this and this and it humiliated me thousands of times and it hurt then and it STILL does. But I have decided to walk the high road in my life. So here's what I will do. I forgive you. I will never ever say bad things about you. And whenever I think about you, if I ever think about you, I will pray for you, for your safety, for your health, for your prosperity, and for your family. If you ever hear anything I said about you it will be something good. Have a great day. Have a great life. Bye" That's not what he will be expecting. That's not what he deserves. But for your friend and for you, Nicole, that's the very best thing cause you'll both walk away with your heads held high, a smile on your lips, and peace in your heart!!!!! Cheers!
2006-09-21 14:10:45 · answer #5 · answered by gabriel3791 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
grow up, become the more mature of the two, and tell her to move on. That's kids for yea, karma will get back to him in a different way. Move on from the past, why dwell on it, and why would someone want to cause the same pain they felt, I mean think about how she felt, I wouldn't. She'd probably feel guilty about it later, I mean the guy probably feels guilty looking back on the situation anyhow
2006-09-21 13:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by Hannah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should ask her how she really feels about him. Sounds like maybe she has some sort of sick love for him. Was he the only one who ever gave her any attention? attention of any kind. Making him beleive he has an admirer doesn't sound much like getting back to me. I could see if she wanted to throw a brick in his window or something but sending him love letters. That just doesn't make since to me.
2006-09-21 13:48:42 · answer #7 · answered by pisces 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys will be guys and thats that so if he was mean to her then yea she has a right to get back what was once hers by gettin revange thats just what i think. Its ok only if they hurt you but the best thing to do is to dont get mad get even and she feel like she did the right thing. Its not evtirely right but she has to do what she gotta do and if doing that is one then so let it be. Dont feel sorry for her just be there on her side, cause she be the one to rise after what they did yto her they desevre it.
2006-09-21 13:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be SOOO tempting for her to try to get even with him, and others who were cruel to her in HS. But... if she doesn this she will be lowering herself to his level. Kids are really mean in HS... there's no denying that, but she should try to move on and be happy with who she is now. Her best revenge is living well, and just ignoring all that happened back then. She should spend her energy doing positive things for herself, not thinking of ways to get even! Help her understand this!! good luck!
2006-09-21 13:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by JP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone hurts another, then they'll hold a grudge for a certain amount of time, somethings are just hard to let go of, and they probably should seek revenge.
2006-09-21 13:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋