My marriage is failing????????

Question

My marriage is failing i am 21 years old i got married at 18 when i got pregnant with my daughter. I am starting to resent my husband and cant shake it are fights have gotten so bad he now pushes and shoves me. We have gone to therapy but it seemed to make things worse. He hates the fact that he went to work and my parents paid for me to go to college. When we fight i feel like it was when we ere in middle school. I am begining to question if we ever lover each other. My husband feels i ruined his life by having our daughter. Should i file for divorce? my husband barley nows his own daughter?

sorry for spelling my keyboard is not working properly.

I am worried that if i leave i wont have enough money i still have 8 bredits left to graduate and my starting salary maybe only 50grand to 60grand if i can find one.

Answer 1

You have a young daughter. You should try to save your marriage. You should read Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Car and Feeding of Husbands".

http://www.drlaurashop.com/product.php?id=96

Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

This is something you and your husband should calmly discuss. Resentment does destroy a relationship, and it is normal to question if the love was ever there. The pushing and shoving is a very bad sign of what is to come. It is hard to let go and the grief of the loss of a relationship is a heavy burden, but you will pull through. If you have tried counseling, and still do not feel like you are on the same side, it could be time to go your seperate ways. There may be a womens group for support, or divorce recovery. As far as the relationship he has with his daughter, men tend to bod with their daughters when they are 4 or 5, when the daughter becomes more interested in what dad is doing. Have you tried counseling seperately? Please take the time to discuss your relationship with your husband calmly and privately... even if you have to do it somewhere public to prevent a fight for breaking out. maybe even a trial seperation? Have you finished college? Maybe he would like the oppurtunity to continue his education when you finish school. Then it would be your turn to work, and he would be able to dissolve that resentment. The physical violence HAS TO STOP though, you both should know that by fighting and becoming violent, not only are you teaching your daughter that it's ok to act this way, but to be treated this way. I'm sure your husband would not like the idea of his daughter letting someone hurt her because she thought it was acceptible, "if you love him" just like momma loved daddy.

Answer 3

happens alot with people that either marry young, too soon or because a baby is coming. If therepy does not work, then I'd say try a separation. Not a popular answer, but maybe some space will clear both your minds so you can focus on what you both want for your family. If that means divorcing, then that's something that can't be pushed aside.

People fail to recognize that people grow and change. The person you marry at 18 will not be the obsolute same person at 25 or 50. That's why they call it life experience, you have to live to experience and hopefully experiences will give you wisdom.

Answer 4

Your problem, and I sure you know, is that you got married way too young. He's thinking of this every day. It is painful to see people do this to themselves. You perception and personaltiy constantly change until your around 25-30 years old. You cannot lock two young people together and expect them to stay happy with eachother forever. You have to mature before you marry. Wait at least until you're 26. Its so so sad. Im gonna' cry. Leave, you have to. This will only get worse. It will not be one sided, he will be relieved by it too. You are obviously two completely different people than you were in middle school.


Its very sad to see these christians harp about how you should put up with it and stay married. Marriage is not something thats going to taint you evil and ruin you if it fails. These people need to realize, your entire life is at risk for a decision made way too early. Step back, break it off and live life like you meant to.

Answer 5

Sounds like you have gone past the point of no return. As soon as violence comes into the equasion, the deal is off. If he resents you and your daughter, you'd be better of without him. How screwed up is your daughter gunna be living in a house with a Dad who doesn't care and an unhappy Mum. Do yourself a favour and get out now. Things can only go downhill from here. Believe me, I've been through it. Good luck and I wish you a happy life

Answer 6

I use to be in that same exact situation. My son was what made me strong enough to leave. You need to think about your child. Do you want her to witness those nasty fights you guys are going through? You said your husband feels you have ruined his life- well he is the one who is ruining your life and your daughters life. He is a bad husband and not to mention a terrible father. I hope and pray you find the motivation and courage to leave him. You are not in a healthy relationship and you need to move on. Please think about your daughter, she needs and is entitle to live a peaceful and loving life. You are young and you still have your whole life ahead of you. Let me tell you that when I left my husband I felt empty and it took me a very long time to get over him. So I know that it's going to be difficult for you, but you need to be strong. Now I'm married to a wonderful man that not only loves me but also loves my son. I honestly wish you the best and I hope that you make the right decision. Just remember to put yourself and your daughter first. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Whether or not you try to fix your marriage, you and your daughter need a safe place -- right now. Find one and go there. It sounds like your parents will help out.

You cannot allow your daughter to grow up thinking that physical violence is normal inside a family. It will increase her chances of being in an abusive relationship.

Once you have found a safe place, you can make the other decisions that need making. If you want to try to fix the marriage, then your husband is going to need anger management counseling and the two of you will need marriage counseling.

Here are some links that you might find useful vis-a-vis how to argue.

Answer 8

Your the only one who can really answer this question hun..
But I will offer advice,
If your that unhappy and have tried everything, than get out of it and focus on you and your daughter, for him to say your daughter ruined his life is just sick. Just because your young doesn't really matter, it's actually better...I was 21 when I got married a few years ago, i had to divorce because his abuse got really bad, but anyways' hun, life is to short to be miserable, if you feel this is what you want to do ,than by all mean's go for it and stay strong, ;)

Answer 9

i think is the best thing to do. because in the long run it will affect your daughter and future children by growing up in a family with that type of violence. You are young and if he is accusing you of ruining your life then go your own seperate ways and that whould show him what you really mean to him, and if he is happy because you left they you know nothing was ever there and its better for u to live with someone who is there for you and who respects u as a person and as an individual. But make sure if you decide to leave to make sure that you always supervise your daughter because you can never be to sure about men who date single moms. hope that everything works out.

Answer 10

I've been there! and am still married to the same guy of 23 years the 1st 16 years was crazy i didn't know what to do barely home, always out all night but always making sure he pays the bills i was a housewife of 3 kids but what i saw in his eyes is that he loves me but his stupid boyish was taking its toll! If you see the yearnings in his eyes or something specific so powerful, so precious like (a cry for "please understand lady I love you" or "hang in there" "I'll be there when I'm ready" there's many without words out of his mouth) Guys outgrow it and now that we've been BEST of friends for the last 7 or 8 years! Boy if you need more I'll be around to tell you.

Answer 11

As much as I think marriage is a permanent union, and I'd hate to see a marriage fall apart, but it doesn't seem you have much of an option.

First of all, he resents the fact that you gave birth to his daughter. It takes two to tango. He helped create her, so it isn't only your fault. You said he barely knows his own daughter, which indicates to me that he doesn't spend much to with her.

Secondly, he pushes you in fights. This is a major problem. Not only is it wrong for him to do this to you, but this will also have a huge impact on your daughter later in life. She will grow up believing it's okay for your boyfriend/husband to hit you. Girls usually grow up to marry people like their father. If you eventually have more children, particularly a boy, he will grow up believing it's okay to treat his girlfriend/wife the way his father treated you. That is wrong. Don't let his bad influence spread through your children.

You don't need to deal with the things he is pulling. You could try continuing therapy awhile longer, but if nothing at homes improves, you need to get out. If not for you, do it for your daughter.