How do I get my future inlaws to pay for a wedding thats basically for all of their family?

Question

Ok, here is the deal. I have a very small family, as in two people besides me. And then under a dozen freinds. He has a very large family and weddings are a big deal. Just his mom has 5 sisters and just ONE sister will consist of 16 immediate relatives. I don't even know how we can have this wedding without his family paying for 3/4 of it. So, how do I bring this up and get them to agree in a nice way?

1. I have talked to my future husband about it.

2. He says it will be to much drama not to invite everyone. I told him that we will not be having a large wedding then and will have to stick to a small one we can afford on our own.

3. I'm not expecting them to pay for our wedding. I just simply cannot afford to pay for 200 guests of which only 12 our mine. That's ridiculous.

4. Thank you for all of your answers.

4.

Answer 1

Yes its true that Traditionally the brides parents pay the whole wedding costs, However, a LOT of people now are sharing the costs. I would start by sitting down with them and explaining to them that all you guys can do is offer to pay for the guests that you are inviting...in other words if total costs are lets say 5000.00 and total guests is 200. 5000.00 Divide by 200 =25.00 per plate. So you invite 20 guests 25.00X20=500.00 You pay 500.00 they pay the balance. Let them know that the guests they want there are very important and if you could you would pay for them too but you just cant. What ever you do don't make it seem like you don't want the people they want there to attend.
I wish you the best I know this is a tough one....but remember this day is for YOU TWO NOT....I Repeat NOT the Families and there friends ect.

Answer 2

I would insist that you cannot afford a huge wedding and youve agreed to keep the guestlist down to a certain number for each side. I think that may spell out that your ILs family is where pretty much all of the guests will be coming from their side.

Example: Let them know that you've decided that both of you are only inviting 20 people, that covers your side completely but the other person would be short 180 invitations.


I think its completely insane for a bride's parents to be expected to pay for a huge wedding for a huge family when their family is small. If I were part of a small family I wouldnt know to plan thousands of extra dollars incase my daughter decided to marry a man from a bigger family, nor would i tell her that I only have a set budget so she can only marry a man with a small family

Answer 3

My husband and I pooled our money and paid for our own wedding. We had one that we could afford without taking on a big debt to do it.

There are a zillion ways to scale back and have a beautiful wedding "on the cheap". Don't buy into that sit down dinner and dancing thing if you can't afford it!

If you pay for your own wedding, no-one has the right to tell you what to do or who to invite. You can plan a very small and tasteful ceremony and then if his family wants to throw some sort of reception for you later and invite the immediate world, then let them do so - and remember that if they pay for that, then they can do just about anything they want without your approval.

Above all, talk to your future husband about it.

Answer 4

You just tell them that your family can't afford to pay more than x amount of dollars for a wedding. And since you wanted a small wedding anyways , you are going to have to limit the number of guests. Let them offer to pay for a bigger wedding. Don't ask.If they don't Well, then your off the hook and you can have that small wedding and only invite a limited number of people say 15 people each for each side.

Answer 5

Since they have the big family they should pay for it if they want a big wedding, if they won't then just say you can only afford a small and private one. I had the same problem, and I wasn't going to ruin our finances over a party.

Answer 6

Talk to your fiance and tell him you cannot afford a big wedding, it will have to only be his immediate family, his sisters, brothers and parents, that's it. You cannot make someone else pay for you wedding, unless he volunteers, although technically the brides family is supposed to pay. t sounds like the two of you need to plan a wedding in the Bahamas or somewhere romantic for just the two of you, Lots of places in Bermuda, the Bahamas have special wedding packages.

Answer 7

You are right.

By hook or by crook you have to tell them to pay for it or you will just have a small one for all your family and friends and only about 20 of his family.

If they want to invite all 200 of the family, then no question about it, they HAVE to pay for it.

Start your married life not being a pushover or you will be one for the rest of your life.

Answer 8

Some scenarios for who pays for what:

Traditional Responsiblities

The bride’s family pays for:
- Reception costs, including food, music, decorations, rental fees and entertainment
- Ceremony Costs including rental fees, decorations
- Flowers for Ceremony and Reception
- The bride’s wedding dress and accessories
- Invitations, announcements, programs, and mailing costs
- Favors
- Photography
- Transportation
- Their own attire and travel expenses

The groom’s family pays for:
- The rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations and entertainment
- Their own attire and travel expenses
- A wedding present

The bride pays for:
- The groom’s wedding ring
- A wedding gift for the groom
- Her hair, makeup, beauty treatments
- Gifts for her attendants
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town bridesmaids

The groom pays for:
- The marriage license
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring
- The honeymoon
- A wedding gift for the bride
- The bride’s bouquet
- Gifts for his attendants
- Corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
- Boutonnières for men in the wedding party
- Sometimes accommodation for any out-of-town groomsmen
- Fee for the officiant

Answer 9

Seems easy......you say, "this is what I can afford(or what my family can afford). Sorry folks."
If they want to have all their family, then they will simply have to add to your budget. They can't MAKE you pay money that you don't have. Ultimately it's your wedding, and your money to use as you wish. If you have $2000 to spend, you're gonna spend it your way.......if they want the wedding to be bigger, they will have to contribute.

Answer 10

Don't say anything and elope, the wedding thing won't make your marriage better nor will spending money you don't have ease any part of your future.
Get married and then maybe you'll get cash gifts from his and your side, then you can put it towards something you two can really use.