Hi i am 22 and have been married a year and have a baby boy named nathan. I work as an accountant at the moment and my husband works for his family buisness a small deli. I have a huge problem with my friends and husband 2 of my friends are cousins Adrienne is a computer engineer and cousin Tom is a lawyer they are always polite but he hates them still. My Best friend Steve is gay and he hates having him in the house because of it, friend Mark works for an insurance company wich makes my husband not trust him, and last my good buddy Vinny he thinks is a looser because he has not graduated from college yet because he partys a lot.He even hates their wives my cousin tom is married and he thinks his wife also a teacher is a pedifile!My friend marks wife he called her too her face a moron for being a stay at home mom.
2006-09-21 10:55:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It has gotten to the point where he wants me too see no one but him and his family. I am really starting to re -think my marriage i feel really hurt because my cousins are family and my other friends i grew really close too in college.
2006-09-21 10:58:07 · update #1
He even threatned to divorce me and take our son away if i chose to let them visit. I only new him for 5 months before we got married and he was never this controling. He even is telling me how too do the dishes properly as of late.
2006-09-21 11:00:18 · update #2
I feel completly isolated and dont know hat to do?
2006-09-21 11:01:10 · update #3
I dont think i take the yelling anymore.
2006-09-21 11:03:00 · update #4
I married him because i thought i was in love i was also pregnant.
2006-09-21 11:04:14 · update #5
Your husband is having a serious case of jealousy, my gut tells me he is possessive and he wants all your attention for him. While he grows up a little bit more, try to be at peace with him, peace at home is most important for the child.
After all, he is your husband, the father of your children. Explain to your friends that he has a little bit of a temper, and apologize for him. They will get the message and be prudent about it.
2006-09-21 11:02:26 · answer #1 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is abusing you. No other way to say it. Actually, he doesn't hate your friends. They are just a tool to control you. He's very, very afraid he doesn't deserve your love and so wants to isolate you from all other contacts. The abuse will continue and probably get much worse. His thoughts about your friends and relatives have absolutely nothing whatever to do with them but with his screwed up mind. The likelihood is that his weird judgments will get worse and more stringent as time goes on. I'd be somewhat concerned that he might be violent when you decide to leave. Do some planning and then do what you need to do. It is fairly likely that his family knows about his problems and may possibly by sympathetic.
2006-09-21 11:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like he is very controlling and it could only get worse. By really not knowing each other to well before getting married you are now seeing his true colors. The problem being with him could be that you do have a lot of close friends and he is jealous of that fact. You are both young and he sounds like he is very immature and that he needs to grow up or he has insecurities. Talk to your husband and ask why he doesn't like your friends and family and also ask him would he like it if you had dictate to him whom should be his friends. Maybe he feels you are spending most of your time with your friends and not with him. Assure your husband that you love him and that he is your best friend and tell him that you want to work this thing out for better or worst. Make your husband understand that he is hurting you by making you to choose. Advise him that these people where in your life before meeting him and that they are a part of your life. All relationships are about respect, trust and making comprises remind him of this fact. It is better to work out these issues with him now and if he continues to act this way then suggest to seek marriage counseling and if that fails and he doesn't want to go then try for legal separation. If it came down to a divorce he can try to get custody of the child but the courts always favor the mother, unless you have abandoned the child or your an unfit mother. Follow your heart and go with your instinicts try to make things right for the sake of your family. Only you in time will find out if it was meant to be or not.
2006-09-21 12:29:24 · answer #3 · answered by asia s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have said it seems as if he wants to control every aspect of your life. My ex-husband was the same way. It got to a point that I had no one except him and his family. I can understand people not clicking well together because that happens all the time. However it should not be everyone.
My suggestion would be to try to come to a compromise, besides that the next step would be marriage counseling. If neither of those options work, you have to decide for yourself whether you are better off with him or with out him. Always try to work things out first. I hope this is some help.
2006-09-21 11:08:46 · answer #4 · answered by Erilyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I feel bad that I must counter what everyone else is saying, but allow me SOME credit being GAY myself and a professional therapist...or I call myself professional, anyway.
Homosexuality is not accepted by everyone and in no way should we force our non-descriminatory views, just as he has no right to force his ultra-conservative views on you. For someone who does not like someone because of their academic education, it seems like he's not too educated himself, especially in human diversity. I'm not sure what concerns he has about gays that would harm him or your son, but it definately sounds like a lack of education. He's not a bad man...or you would not have wasted a year of your life with him. Also, I am sure that this is not a big suprise to you...you've heard him talk, you know his views, right? Someone said jealousy is the reason, is it? Do you think he feel threatened by other guys?
Here is the fact of the matter; you are married now, have a son. You both have responsibilities, are you with me? You may have married a little young in my opinion, but the days of parties and sleepovers are over. There are new rules that govern your life now and eventhough we like to paint pretty pictures of inclusion and national liberation...it's not going to happen overnight. However, do not let Dad's ideas infect your son, spend time with him (when he's old enough) to teach him about diversity and respect for EVERYONE.
There is NO reason to divorce your husband, don't listen to that rubbish. Now we can easily flip the coin. If he thinks he can take your son from you because of this, he's wrong. If you find yourself battling it out over this issue again, you may want to fight back with a reverse of his rebuttal. "I will not let your HATE infect our son and I will not tolerate it in my home." If he wants to battle THIS statement, then get in touch with me, i'll be happy to help you through it.
Kind Regards, CB
2006-09-23 16:32:53 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one unfortunately will not get any better. Talk to your family, you are still very young, and see where you can go with the baby. Men that try to cut you off from friends and family can become mentally and/or physically abusive. You do not know him really, five months was not long enough to see what he was really like. Next time, date long enough to see how a person responds or reacts to problems. And I'll bet he pretended to like your friends at first.
2006-09-21 11:11:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you married a jealous control freak. He needs to get some serious counseling because it's only going to get worse and cause major problems in your marriage. I wouldn't tolerate this kind of crap from my husband. I'd be royally miffed if he tried to tell me who I could be friends with and who I couldn't.
2006-09-21 11:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is insecure about himself more then you. Even if you divorce / leave him it will be a rough. He does need professional help. Seek it. If he does not want to go then he does not have to go. I would also contact a lawyer to make sure YOU have your rights covered and YOU document all the issues if now, if there is a problem. He will still have rights with his son after divorce.
He seems to have control issues that need to be corrected and he needs to managed them better. Once he has control of you then he can dominate you. Think the Mob! Cults!
2006-09-22 08:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by dillon Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason he hates your family and friends is because he wants to control every part of your life. It is not a good situation. I would think strongly about getting out of this marriage. It will only get worse.
2006-09-21 11:09:59 · answer #9 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband doesn't give a damn about your friends...he is just trying to control you. If you don't want to live like this forever call his bluff and dare him to start divorce proceedings....you would probably get the baby since you have the better job.
2006-09-21 12:26:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋