I was raped by my spouse(ex-spouse)8 yrs. ago.He told me it wasnt rape because we were married &thats what I was supposed to do,so I reluctantly believed him.Although it only happened once(I don't know if he was afraid of what would happen if he did it again or what),I never felt right.I was watching t.v.,I think it was Oprah,and I saw someone talking about the same thing that had happened to me only happening to them and the person they were talking to told them that rape is rape, no matter who does it.It was a big eye opener for me.I felt good knowing that i was right all along but at the same time i became enraged knowing that I indeed had been violated by someone that was supposed to protect me from things like that.Mentally I was fine,but recently,ill say the past couple of mths, the memory has resurfaced.I told my husband(my new husband)about it and it was the first time I had ever told anyone.Of course he said he'll be there for me,but how do I stop the nightmares?
2006-09-21 10:29:05 · 25 answers · asked by nekeia r. 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You'll never forget but now that you've told someone it will make you feel better. Time heals the wounds but you won't forget. These things happen and you just have to learn from them and you did. You know now that it's not right what he did. But you can try to clear your mind and pray that God gives you peace to your mind as you sleep and protects you. That will stop the nightmares.
2006-09-21 10:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by Sasasa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, look to your own strength--you survived a hellish thing, and it makes no difference that the perpetrator was your husband. If anything, it makes it worse (in my humble opinion).
Second, find a support group--most communities have rape crisis centers. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW LONG AGO THE RAPE OCCURRED. Just being among others who have survived an assault does a great deal for sorting it out--after I was raped, I honestly felt that I'd just become a member of an exclusive club that no one ever wanted to be part of. The first time I attended a support group meeting, I found out a number of things, most importantly that the club is by no means as exclusive as I thought it was--about 1 in every 4 women will be sexually assaulted at some point.
The last piece of advice I'll give you is to be kind to yourself, and don't allow yourself to get trapped into thinking of yourself as a victim. That kind of thinking only empowers the attacker (even if only in your own viewpoint), and he's already had way more power over you than anyone has a right to have.
I wish you well, fellow survivor.
2006-09-21 18:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by Chrispy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was hurt by a 17-year old when I was 8 years old (13 years ago). His family is my family's "best friends" and so I can't seem to get away from it. All I know is that sometimes the nightmares come and go, and that telling people makes it easier. It is hard for the person you told to ever bring it up again, so make sure you tell your husband now that you don't want him to bring it up, only to talk about it if you do yourself.
I'm sorry to say that some people are scarred for life when something like this happens to them. The nightmares may never leave. The fact that you have gone on with your life, re-married to a wonderful guy that is there for you, means you have gotten through the hardest part. It is always, ALWAYS okay to cry. I will have bad days once-in-awhile, but after talking about it and having someone so close to me like my husband be there for me, makes it ok.
Make sure you are actively doing something - engaged in something with a purpose, like a class, that you can get your mind off of it for at least an hour a day. Then after you master an hour, up it to 2 hours and so on. Talk with your husband when it really bothers you. When you find yourself thinking about it, have something in mind that you can start thinking about, like your favorite song.
2006-09-21 17:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by mdawne2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will resurface.
U need 2 put it 2 bed 4 good.
Get counselling, ring the Rape Crisis centre, they're Very sympathetic & will guide U thru help U need or legal steps U may wish 2 take.
Punishing him 4 the crime, I'm assured is a big part of the healing process.
Improving UR chances of recovery, when the man's bought 2 book.
U need some 2 talk a 2 a Professional.
Good luck.
Cyberhug.
Hope U put those demons 2 rest.
2006-09-21 17:38:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately hunny, there is nothing any of us on here can do for you. You need to talk to someone. You could even just start by calling someone. There has to be a cope line that helps Rape victims. Sorry you went through that. It could have been worse though. Just think of the women and children who get raped by men who break in their homes and don't even know them. No rape is better/worse than the other, I just mean that there could be far more worse memories if it happened that way. Sorry again.
2006-09-21 17:34:39 · answer #5 · answered by Brooke's Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a matter of you interpreting it to be rape or not. Apparently when you thought it wasn't, you were totally fine, but now that you think it is, you are disturbed. Look, it could have been worse like a stranger raping you, so don't think it as that badly. It only happened once, so you have an advantage point there. He might have felt wrong and thats why he never did it again.
2006-09-21 17:55:13 · answer #6 · answered by Alucard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the local rape crisis centre, or the 800 number if there is one where you live. They will counsel you and tell you where to go to get the help you need. You don't need to be the victim of a recent assault to call them. Most of the people on the phone, whether men or women have also been raped, so feel free to talk because they DO understand how you feel.
2006-09-21 17:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by judy_r8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to be more aware of the beautifull life you have now. Enjoy your present at the maximum and be happy about all the good things in it. Time dosen't heal the woonds, but love does. Remember one thing: it's long gonne. And just fore safety, you could try some small revenge... IF you feel to. Concentrate on planning your future and think very much about your dreams. You are not helpless! You are a strong person.
2006-09-21 17:55:22 · answer #8 · answered by alexu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't your fault. Free yourself and seek out the help you need. Don't be afraid anymore. You owe yourself peace and harmony. The best medicine is forgiveness, and although that does not make sense and will not until you work it through, have the courage to talk it out, give yourself permission to be angry, and when all is said and done, be open to forgiveness - it is the fear and anger that is keeping you from leading a peaceful life with a balanced mindset. Peace be with you.
2006-09-21 18:55:36 · answer #9 · answered by Future Doc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek counseling to help you deal with the rape. Talking to someone professional may help you cope better and maybe support groups will help you get through this as well.
2006-09-21 17:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by mergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋