We don't need the money- he just feels obligated to work more and more because his dad is his boss. He is a computer programmer for a business, and "if we don't get this finished this week (which seems to happen a LOT) we won't be able to present our product. Then the deal will fall through." How do I go about asking my husband to spend more time with me without sounding selfish myself?
2006-09-21 10:26:12 · 15 answers · asked by mdawne2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't feel your husband is being selfish at all. He is being responsible and has a good work ethic. These are good qualities to have. These posts are filled with women complaining about how the husbands don't want to work and they end up supporting their family. You should feel lucky that he is trying to get ahead in life and wants to provide for you. You need to be supportive of him. I'm sure, he would rather spend the time with you but, that is not always possible. Because his father owns the business, he probably has additional responsiblities. Also, even though, the deal may fall though, you still have to put in the work and think positive that you will get the business. I think you are making a selfish request. Instead of complaining about the time that he does not have with you, make the most out of the time that he does have with you. When he gets home after a long day, have dinner ready for him or bring him lunch to his work. Do other things too, to let him know that you appreciate him and his efforts. You need to show him that you love him in the good times and the bad times. Wasn't that apart of your marriage vows? Also, don't nag him about having to work. Nagging him will only make things worse. Good luck!
2006-09-21 10:58:24 · answer #1 · answered by cee cee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish, he's trying to set you and the family up for life. And yeah, he probably does have a lot to prove at work being the boss's son.
You might want to start nicely hinting that you need to see more of him.
BTW, extremely long hours are the norm in programming. Just hope the company doesn't ship his job off to an Indian company that can do the same thing for 1/5 of what they pay him. You never know what the future holds, so the adage of "strike while the fire is hot" is what he is following now.
I promise you, it's no picinic for him either.
2006-09-21 10:30:09 · answer #2 · answered by Manny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people are workaholics- just because the deals don't go through does not mean they are not important. Its also sounds as if he is trying to make a better life for both of you by investing time in the business. Don't be to hard on him, maybe you should be asking him to limit the overtime to maybe once or twice a week. Compromise is always good.
2006-09-21 10:31:11 · answer #3 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change him, you should not even try to, how about asking him to have lunch with you twice a week, or take some food for him and spend lunchtime together, tell him he needs to have a holiday 2-3 times a year, learn about his business, take a course so you have somrthing in common, he is not selfish, he loves and cares about his job.
2006-09-21 10:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by cheyenne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not being selfish. With the way this administration is going his job will get shipped off to India and he'll have all the time in the world to spend with you.
2006-09-21 10:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know his work habits before you married him, Try and be supportive of him, that will make it better, for you and him, You need to work on you, and try and make his home life pleasing, and fun, when he comes home, This should give you plenty of time to have good healthy meals cooked, house clean. He should take lunches, with a note in it, telling him how you miss him, and I can't wait until you come home, do fun, and creative things, to keep, your marriage happy, and stop complaining!! enjoy what you have got.
2006-09-21 10:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should think about compromising. Talk with him about planning certain evenings for the two of you & that way he still gets to work. I learned that sometimes guys think if they don't have anything planned they might as well work. You have to let him know you'd like to plan time that works for the both of you.
2006-09-21 10:44:34 · answer #7 · answered by bcre8ive2day 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not selfish at all for asking him to spend more time with you. I would ask him point blank to see if he could spend an evening or two a week with you. If that approach fails, enlish your father-in-law and mother-in-law to see if he can convince him to spend time with you.
2006-09-21 10:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by dawncs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 05:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by vishvanath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not selfish at all. If you don't need the money, and he won't stop working so many hours, take the extra money and blow it on yourself. If he doesn't like it, he can start spending more time with you.
2006-09-21 10:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by reallyfedup 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋