My family consists of my grandparents, and two aunts and their families. My mother passed away when I was child and I have become the designated 3rd daughter in the equation. Next summer is my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary and they have planned a family vacation to Hawaii. I am 24, will be 25 at the time of the trip, and have a boyfriend that was not initially invited, but that I would like to have join us. I am divorced and went through a similar situation with my ex when my family took everyone to San Diego. My ex did not come, and even though I enjoyed the trip, I know that with that companionship, I would enjoy it so much more. I really would like my boyfriend to come for many reasons. I want my family to get to know him better, I want him involved with my family, and I don't want to feel alone the whole time we're there. I'm the only one in my family that is in my age group, so it's always awkward when we all get together. How should I ask if he can go with?
2006-09-21 10:21:17 · 18 answers · asked by blahblahgrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
By the way, they are paying for me to go, but my boyfriend is totally prepared to pay for himself. He's not going to get a free ride, he's going to keep me company and to get to know my family. We've been dating for a year and a half, but they have only known about he and I for about 6 months or so. Well, they've known about him, just not about our relationship status. They've met him and been around him a few times and seem to like him, as far as I can tell.
Also, for some back story, my ex did not interact well with my family, they did not like him or know him well. I don't want to make that mistake again with this one. It is important to me that they know him and like him. And, it's also important to me that I start being viewed as an adult, and not 15 like I was when my mom passed away.
2006-09-21 10:24:52 · update #1
I know I'm adding a lot of details, but it's a complicated situation. It's a trip for my grandparent's anniversary, so I don't want to be rude by inviting someone. And... My family is really big on it just being family a lot of the time. They feel like they don't get to see me enough as they'd like so they want one on one time with me. I don't want to upset them, but I want to enjoy my vacation too. I also don't want to be away from the man I love (sorry to get sappy) for nine whole days. That's a long time, you know?
2006-09-21 10:28:07 · update #2
OK OK OK... Good answers guys. Here's a little more info... They are covering me for the flight and hotel, but I asked to pay and THEY aren't even paying. They're using Marriott points and Frequent Flyer miles to cover it all. My boyfriend is not going to have a nice romantic vacation with me and make it all selfish about us. I want him to go just for someone to talk to because everyone else there has someone. I'm the only one alone, the only one my age, then only one without parents/husband/siblings/kids.
2006-09-21 10:35:56 · update #3
Exactly how you put it down here. I think you expressed yourself really well here. Your explaination is valid and I'm sure that if you (or he) offer to help pay his way they shouldn't have any problems with it, especially since he seems to be important to you and that you want him to be important to them, too.
Explain what you want, but phrase it in a way that shows you're asking, not telling them. Afterall, it is a family gathering, and he isn't family yet, even though you might be hoping that eventually he will be.
Good luck! I hope it works out!
2006-09-21 10:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess it depends, on your family, mine for instance would not like for him to go, unless, we have been dating for years, more then 2. or if we were engaged to be married, but, my parents and family are old school, I would not be able to share a room!! thats a No No !!. So, if this is a family vacation, and he is only your boyfriend, I wouldn't invite, this is the time that you should be spending time with your Grandparents and aunts, because, you never know that this might be the last trip for one of them.. I don't mean to be mean. This is really about your Grandparents celebrating their Anniversity, they should be the center of your attention, not your boyfriend right now.. But again thats my opinion Have fun whatever you decide
2006-09-21 17:29:04 · answer #2 · answered by Bec 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly how you've just explained yourself on here. If money is an option, tell them that he will pay his own way. You'll be 25 by the time you go so it's not like you're a child. You should be able to bring who you want as long as there's no bad blood, he pays his way and everyone gets along.
2006-09-21 17:30:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are an adult sort of negates the whole question, so the next part of the question is are THEY paying for you or are
OK to your up date ::::::::::::::::::::
I would just phrase it really nicely to them, maybe get the grandparent you are closest to on one side and sound that one out first, say that you REALLY are looking forward to the trip, but IF he pays his own way etc would they be OK with him coming as well.
After that I think its in the hands of the gods if they say YEP then all well and good if they say NO then please just suck it up for the trip, but maybe make it the last 'family' one you are free for until they are accepting of your partner.
Good luck
2006-09-21 17:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by candy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain it to them how you just explained it to us and tell you are grown now and you want to spend your birthday wit your mate and family. and you want to get to know him because of the fact that you have strong feelings for him. You love them but you are not going to have that much fun because you have no one there your age.
2006-09-21 17:26:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say hey Gramma I was wondering if my boyfriend can come with us to Hawaii because it would mean alot to me.
2006-09-21 17:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think you should tell your family excatly that. And tell them you want them to get to know him because one day he might be apart of the family. Maybe they will let him.
2006-09-21 17:26:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them that you and your BF were planning a trip around the same time frame and you hate to cancel on him so could he come along on your trip.
2006-09-21 17:25:52 · answer #8 · answered by BrooklynQT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ASK?why would you need to ask you are over 21 do what is right for you hon, dont let some one else hender your life because it is not worth it do what is right for you.
2006-09-21 17:25:34 · answer #9 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just ask. As long as he is paying his way there shouldn't be any problem. I don't think any one will mind.
2006-09-21 17:25:18 · answer #10 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋