How can I get my husband off the computer?

Question

I think my husband is addicted to our computer. He wastes time in front of it every single day and won't go to bed with me at all and stays up untill 1 or 2 AM. When I talk to him about it he says I am an adult, and I thought about taking the computer out or breaking it but I am afraid he would hurt me if I did and would be SO MAD. I don't want to control him but what can I do if nothing I say seems to work? How many hours is too many on the computer in a week? I have written down how many hours he spends on it before and he gets mad and I see that in comparison to the time he spend with me it he spends way too much on the computer. Usually just 3-4 hours in a week with me and then 20-30 on the computer. HELP! Also he says it's my fault he gets on sometimes because he only wants to spend time with me when I am really happy and do something he likes. Thank you everyone~!

Thank you everyone SO MUCH!

Answer 1

My man was doing the same thing. Staying up til 2 am playing games. What irritated me the most about it was when he came to bed, he'd wake me up. Not on purpose, just his movement. I'd have a hard time getting back to sleep and after several nights of little sleep, I was getting a bit cranky.

One night, as he was getting on the computer for his games, I told him "If you want to play til 2 am, that's fine, but when you're done with the computer, please sleep on the couch because you wake me up." That was the end of it. Now he plays 2 or 3 games once or twice a week and we go to bed together.

Every situation is different...people are different. If you can't sit down and have and adult conversation with each other and come to a compromise, there's probably deeper issues. While he is on the computer, what are you doing? Are you doing things you want to do? Or are you just sitting around waiting for him to get off the computer? Please don't take that offensively. All I mean is that maybe you should focus on yourself a bit more. Pamper yourself a little and do things you like to do since he doesn't want to. .

Your statement that he only wants to spend time with you when you are happy and do something he likes confirms that he is a bit self-serving. Maybe he needs to be reminded that marriage is a compromise.

Answer 2

Ok, this sounds a bit more serious than just computer time. In general asking, I wonder how long you've been married? I know from my past when you are with someone for a long time, ie 10 years; things tend to get hum-drum. It's a 2 way street. Look at what you said on the end. (when you are really happy and do something he likes). Are you unhappy alot? Besides him being on the computer, are there other things he does that bothers you? Have you 2 been able to sit down and talking about these "things"? If after work he wants to get on the puter for let's say 2 hours, I don't see anything wrong with it. Why don't you get on the computer too? If you don't have an extra one, maybe you should look into getting another one. This way you are both on at the sametime. My hubby and I are on ours like all of the time, but together and in the same room so we are always communicating, and we love computers. If this is not an answer for you, then think of what you 2 did in the past that you both liked; maybe he'll enjoy getting off the puter and being with you. Or act a little different to "spice" it up a bit. ;) Men love that. Hope this helps a little. Smile I bet he thinks you have one great one. :)

Answer 3

Unfortunately for me, you could have been my first wife.

There are many things we humans can be addicted to and the computer is a big one. Unless you have worked with a computer for a while it is hard to understand it. I think perhaps it is an escape. With the computer there is an infinite learning resource. We can learn or play depending on what WE want to do.

Most all of us, where ever we work and what ever we do, must do things we don't want to do but are required by the job.
We come home and the wife has that many more things to do plus she wants all your free time. If we do all this we soon find our life is not our own but a continuous string of doing other's bidding.

While this is not all men by far, this is how some of us feel. And of course it is not a reational thing. It is not that we hate it or that we don't find value in it but only that we want to be able to escape if just for a while.

With computers that escape is not only away from the demands but from time. When we get on a computer time ceases to exist.

My first wife complained of this almost from the day I bought my first personnel computer. As much as I wanted to please her and be their for her that escape kept pulling me back.

Any woman can take only just so much of this and then she looks elsewhere for companionship. That is what happened to me.

I offer this as a possible reason for what he does and not an excuse. I am sure he loves you just as much as always but has found something that is so alluring he just can't help himself.

Do not give up on him without a fight. If he had to pick between you and the computer it would be very hard for him but he would always pick you. For him now it may be a lot like getting off drugs. Yes it can be that bad.

A marriage counselor may be a good thing.....I don't know. But something needs to wake him up to what he may be loosing.

Answer 4

There's a way to get that deleted history. If this is a real problem for you, take the computer to an expert and tell him you need to have that history recovered (or some guru in Y!A might even be able to tell you how to do it). He knows you know, then he's into something that would really upset you. BTW: A simple fix if he wanted to put you at ease would be to tell you ahead of time when he would be deleting the history. And if my husband would not make this compromise, I'd divorce him over this. Some porn is illegal, people.

Answer 5

Any amount of time is too much if he is on the computer when you two could be spending time together. It is not your fault. He would rather be alone than spend time with you. That is a problem. See if he will cut down to do one thing a day with you. Try to see how that goes and maybe you can build up from there. If he is not willing to try, you cannot make it work alone.

He is being very selfish.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Leave him alone. It won't last forever. Arguing over it is only going to make him angry and worse, he'll just think you are a nag.

When he gets on the computer for 20-30 hours a week, get together with friends, go shopping, etc. When he asks where you've been tell him that since he was on the computer, what does it matter?

That may bring him to his senses...

Answer 7

your husband got a sweetie on line that's the only reason why he is on line that much.if he get on line at the same time everyday. 20-30 hours on the computer is too much he has a sweetie.one night you should put on something sexy and stand in front of the computer. say something really sweet to him something that you have never said before.have some candles burning in the bed room. good luck

Answer 8

I would buy/read Dr Laura's book, the proper care and feeding of husbands. Chances are there are some things you can change about yourself that will divert his attention. I don't blame you, the guys is obviously checking out of reality but at least you can make sure you are on the right track. Don't nag him. Read the book, make some adjustments and go from there. Maybe take a weekend get away and try to talk to him away from the stress of life. Pour out your heart, tell him how hurt you are, don't nag him, just appeal to him. If you are afraid he would hurt you, then maybe you need to seek the wise counsel of your church pastor to find out what your options are.

Answer 9

If your age is what your Nick tells then something IS wrong with your husband.
If on the other hand you are between 2 and 3 x the age its business as usual.
Hint : Why dont you see what your husband is so fascinated about?
Open (the next morning) Internet Explorer / VIEW / EXPLORER BAR / HISTORY and click to see what your husband likes to watch.

Unless he is extremely careful and uses a software to destroy his history folder, you quickly find out what he is interested in.

Need some more hints, send me a mail.

Answer 10

Well take his warning to you, he says he only likes to spend time with you when you are happy. Maybe you are always serious and cannot relax. Relax for a few days and let him see that. Or do what my husband does to me, he comes in the room and walks around with a big one that i can't resists and turn the computer off..