What are some fun and interesting things, that won't get me arrested, to annoy one of "those" neighbours?

Question

Every neighbourhood has one. Come on, get creative!

Answer 1

I have those neighbours, too. As a matter of fact, they're all annoying except for the poofter downstairs, a very congenial chap, and extremely polite as well.

To annoy those other neighbours, I have a three-foot Buddy Christ [the Dogma film] lawn jockey. Instead of inserting a lantern into His pointing hand (not the thumb's up one,) I have a two-foot purple bong filled with fuming incense. I also have one of those sports fan hats upon His Saviour brow, with its two Budweisers hooked up to a beer-bong which ends in His grinning mouth. I topped this all off with a pair of women's sunglasses, the white-frame cat's eye variety, circa 1965.

Then, on the other side of the walkway, I have a life-sized marble statue of a nude Madeleine Albright mounting Twiggy. I've taken the liberty of adorning this work of art with purple Christmas lights and one of those outdoor speakers that eternally plays the dogs barking "Jingle Bells."

Then, at my front door, I have a stuffed Elvis impersonator in an orange County Jail jumpsuit holding a marital aid to his mouth in lieu of the prerequisite microphone. Opposite him is my piece de resistance, the statue of liberty. Miss Liberty is painted goth white with black lips and eyes, and jet black hair streaked with Lilly Munster green and Bride of Frankenstein white. Her dress is silk-screened in a psychedelic Stanley Mouse pattern, duplicated from the puking chick in the Woodstock film. Instead of a torch, she is holding a naked anotomically-incorrect Chuckie doll by his left foot. I have a speaker hidden in her derriere, which is hooked up to an electric eye so that she farts enthusiastically whenever anyone passes by. She poots two songs, Battle Hymn of the Republic, and Louie, Louie.

My neighbours have a Chrysler minivan with the largest assortment of those idiotic "heart" bumper stickers I've ever seen. I heart my dog, I heart my cat, I heart my horse, I heart the USA, I heart New York, I heart my grandkids, I heart George Bush, etc., etc., etc.

I covered every single one of those hearts each with a picture of a large chrome screw. I don't seem to get many Christmas cards at all these days... *sigh*

Answer 2

Check the laws about owning certain animals and then buy several rooters, if permitted. Those roosters will make a racket every morning real early. You might have to sleep with ear plugs, but it will drive the neighbor nuts. I was raised on a farm and never did like that sound at the ****crack of dawn.

Answer 3

Leave your Christmas lights on your house all year round. Turn them on EVERY night at sundown and leave them on all night. Make sure you have a lot of gaudy decorations.

Mow your lawn exactly. Mark where the property lines are and refuse to mow outside them. Also, mow the lawn when they are having a party.

Park in front of their house (if it's legal). Especially if they are having company over.

Peer at them suspiciously out your window. This is highly effective with the slat blinds. Make sure they see that you have your phone in your hand, prepared to dial.

Find the crappiest car you can and park it in your driveway.

Plastic flamingos (a lot of them), the cutout of the lady's butt as she's bending over, other various yard "decorations". Leave them up all year round in addition to the Christmas decorations.

Knock on their door and ask for a cup of sugar. Realize you don't have a cup, ask to borrow one. Return five minutes later. Ask for cup of milk. Realize you don't have a cup, ask to borrow one. Return five minutes later. Ask for eggs. When asked what you're doing, reply "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you".

Answer 4

If they're married... order a "escort" to show up when the spouse will definitely be there! Then start leaving love notes or messages (careful not to get traced) to anger the spouse. Subscribe them to a free trial of a porn mailing.

If they're heterosexual and single order a same sex dancer or escort to show up when their are friends present. Put a rainbow or gaypride sticker on their auto. Subscribe them to as many gay/transsexual free mailings as possible!

Answer 5

Are 'those' neighbors annoying you? You do not sound like
a very nice neighbor or a nice person if you want to be mean
just for the sake of being mean. Ignore them, otherwise things
could get ugly.

Answer 6

Training your dog will be a huge part of your interaction with him for the first few months. Learn here https://tr.im/J27jk
This includes housetraining, leash training, obedience training, socialization, and problem solving. In addition to providing your dog with needed skills, this time will also be a great opportunity for you to bond with him. Take the time to really get to know your pet while training him and a loving relationship will easily develop.

Answer 7

Check your local papers and ring around all the fast food establishments, ask them to send you a menu in the post and give their name and address. Also give their phone number and ask the establishments to ring every time they've got a special offer on.

Answer 8

Cut your grass at the crack of dawn or late at night, hang yur clothes out to dry in plain sight of their windows, wash your car wearing something obnoxious, put a flood light in your yard that shine in their window at night. Good luck

Answer 9

Use fertilizer on their yard and spell words or make symbols. It will grow quickin those areas and get more green. They will have to cut their grass at least twice per week to keep it from showing.

Answer 10

Hang St Peters Cross on your door.

Put strobe lights in your windows at night.

Wash your car in a g-string.